JoeJ

Hi, i'm pretty new and I've been posting questions all over because i'm so excited to be talking to people like me who want to help.

The reason i'm posting here is that while I want to quit using but I know that's not why i'm depressed.

I fell deeply in love with a girl I knew back in florida, and continued a relationship with her after I moved to new york to live with my dad because i just couldn't imagine breaking it off.

Well, around 6 months ago I began to notice she seemed sad and discontent with the way things were. Half because I didn't want to torture her with a long distance relationship anymore and half because I was afraid she was gonna leave me, I broke up with her.

In my short 17 years that was the hardest moment of my life. We promised we'd stay friends before I left, no matter what, and we did. She's dating some new guy and its tearing me up inside. Even before she went out with this dude i was a complete wreck, but at least I thought at the time that once I got out of highschool i could go back home and things would return to normal.

Icing on the cake, now she tells me theres some girl who likes her and she thinks she might be bi or a lesbian! Sorry, don't mean to come off as homophobic (i'm not in the least) but for some reason, that really, really got to me.

I want to quit meth and weed but i don't know what i'll do with myself without drugs to numb the pain. to just sit there with me an my own thoughts... it's scary.


I don't know if you can imagine how pathetic I feel right now. I just can't get over her even though she's way over me. We started out as best friends, and thats all I want to be. I don't know if i should just stop talking to her or what.

She knows i have a drug problem and i can tell it disgusts her. I don't have the heart to tell her i started (ok, thats a lie, but it got worse) this all up because i couldn't stand myself and this misery.

How did you guys start to face your demons when the drugs/alchohal were gone?

historyteach

First, tell yourself the truth.
You started,
And got worse,
cuz you wanted to use.
Period.

My son is a heroin addict.
There is no other reason you use than cuz you want to.
Don't push it off on her or on anyone else.
It's a lie.

When you are ready to face that truth,
You will be ready to face recovery.
And not one minute before.

I hope and pray you will be ready soon.
Before you die.
I've seen too many die; my son's best friend; my g/f's son and my very good friend, Trish, aka Miracle.
Will you be the next?
Or will you face your truth?

We're here for you when you are.

Shalom!

JoeJ

ouch.. but i see your point. I don't blame her, but major depression is a factor in it. I guess its a chicken or the egg thing, idk. All i really meant to say was that i'm afraid to face the things i've been obsessing over and feeling sick over. maybe its not the cause, but its there and its really scary to me.

splendra

Has a doctor diagnosed you as depressed? I used to use meth when I was your age. I wasn't really all that into being in love at the time.

I don't think I was really capable of being in love I did a lot of meth though. After too many years of doing dope thank God I got clean. I hope you will somehow find the strength to get clean. It is so worth it. The sooner you do it the less years you will look on with regret or remorse. The age you are now is so sweet I pray that you will allow yourself sobriety.

The demons will shrink as you get real with yourself.

JoeJ

well not so much in love anymore as emotionally drained, wanting life to be what it used to be like.

historyteach

(((Joe)))

Life is always changing. It's like a river that you can never step into twice.
We want stability and control, but, that's only an illusion.
We learn to accept what is and make the best of it as we travel along this journey called life.

Your emotions are raw right now. I'm sorry you're hurting.
But, you will recover and, yes, even grow from this experience.
Hard as that is to imagine right now.

But, to grow, you need to allow yourself to do so. And that means you need to be straight, and to allow yourself to feel your emotions completely. Not dull them with dope. The drugs will only numb your emotions and stunt your growth. My son is 28, and in many ways is still the 14 year old that started using drugs.

If you are depressed, and you're 17, you should really talk to your parents and see a doctor. There *is* help available. If you are dual diagnosed, you need to be treated for both the depression and the drug use together, assuming you are physically addicted -- are you? If you are not physically addicted, then the treatment for depression, whether it be therapy, natural or pharmicutical medication or a combination of both, will help you stay clean from the drugs. Please speak to a doc. Get the help you deserve.

And let us know how it goes. We care.

Shalom!

JoeJ

to meth/amphetamine pills, yes i'm sure i am. weed, i think that's a mental addiction

historyteach

Joe,
Please see a doctor and get help.
You need it.
Addiction is nothing to fool around with, and believe me, it *is* bigger than you.

Shalom!

pedagogue

Yup.

Depression tends to not be diagnosable until after a 'wash out' period from drugs because of withdrawal issues, etc. With that being said, it is a good idea to keep a physician and/or therapist in the loop to help you along the way.

There are a lot of great people on here who can share their experiences and support, so I hope you stick around.