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new here, finding life a struggle

Old 05-18-2008, 08:38 AM
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new here, finding life a struggle

Hi all, i have been checking out sober recovery for a while now.

I am newly sober from heroin, i have not taken anything for 21 days now.
I detoxed at my dads house and am stayig with him presently.

I have had pretty bad anxiety and depression since i have been 13, i am now 24.
Currently i am on 40mgs of citalopram and 3 x 40mgs of propanolol daily.
I have been on both years before but started medication again this february after i home detoxed from methadone.


Since i have been on the citalopram my depression and anxiety has been more managable, but recently since i got clean , i have been struggling getting out and about,busy places,waiting rooms,shops etc all trigger panic attacks.
Also first week or so clean i was very down, struggled to even walk my dog, was very pessimistic, although generally i only have a few days, hours per day when i feel like that now.
I am trying to take good care of myself, eating healthily, walking daily with my dog, keeping busy, thankfully i am managing at least 5hrs sleep, when i was not sleeeping i often felt awful and wanted to use.

I currently see a counseller weekly and have been for many years on and off, i get on with her really well.
Also i have a new doctor who has been very supportive generally.

Today i went to an open day at a college and i almost didnt go in because i was so anxious, i got so upset about it i ended up crying from frustration.
I forced myself to go in, i shouldnt have as i was fairly nervous speaking to the course tutor,and i'm not sure i gave the best impression as i couldnt think straight.

I really want to move forward with my life, i havnt worked for over 2 1/2 years. I would love to be able to go to college and graduate, just having a job would be great, but mostly my anxiety has been a huge problem with acheiving these things . I have lost lots of confidence too, through being inactive.

Can anyone relate to my frustration in these early days of sobriety?
I am thankful i am clean, i would like to take the next step towards starting my future but am finding it very difficult and i end up angry with myself cause i cant control my emotions.
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Old 05-18-2008, 06:13 PM
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Squiggle,

Congratulations on your sobriety and clean time. Keep up the good work!

It's great that you've got such plans for yourself. Have you considered going part time? That's what I did when I started school. I had been out for years, was filled with anxiety and wasn't sure I could handle it, so, I took only one class to start with, just to get the hang of it. Then, two. Then, I went full time. I eased on into it, and it was the best thing I could have done, cuz, I was sure that I could do it. It made my anxiety much easier to handle.

I wish you lots of luck in your endeavors. You can do this, one step at a time.
Let us know how it goes. Oh, and don't forget to use student support services. They're great!

Shalom!
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Old 05-22-2008, 04:55 AM
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Talking

Thanks historyteach.

Still doing ok.Was at docs recently, he reckons i have social anxiety and is referring me to psychiatrist .Is also going to change my med's to venlafaxine.

I think i put too much pressure on myself too soon it's still early days.

Some days are better than others and i need to not push myself too much.

That course i mentioned is three days a week, so thats going to be managable if i get some help from doctor hopefully.

Thanks for your suggestions on taking it easier.
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Old 05-22-2008, 10:50 AM
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Welcome to our mental health forum. Great to see a new face. I am in a rush right now but will come back and respond to your post later today. Again great to see you!
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Old 05-22-2008, 01:01 PM
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Good job! Have you tried support groups too (sorry if Imissed that in your post, I am reading quickly because I am at lunch). 12 step programs are a marvelous way to help put ou on an even keel mentally emotionally and spiritually. Give it a try! Look in your local phonebook for the NA office near you.
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Old 05-22-2008, 01:46 PM
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I just wanted to throw out my support - don't be too hard on yourself if you are experiencing such anxiety in the early days of recovery. It sounds like you've got lots of support in place, which is vital. I think it will take some time for your body to adjust to living clean - try to give it time, and allow yourself to rest as needed. You should be really proud of yourself for getting clean
Stick around
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Old 05-22-2008, 06:27 PM
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Ok, had a chance to fully read your post. YES, I can totally relate to what you are going through. Early sobriety truly sucked at times. I spent hours driving around by myself just to keep the anxiety down. Of course I stuck to country roads that were quiet and scenic.

I think you are doing an awesome job. There are many things that will help with anxiety as well as medication. Yoga does wonders. I know that sounds silly but it does. There are some fairly inexpensive tapes you can get on it a good one to start with is "Am yoga for the beginer".

I too have returned to college to work on a degree. After having been a nurse for 20 years and having worked as a paramedic for 12, when I got sober PTSD kicked in. The anxiety was insane. I spent a lot of time when I could not even leave my house without someone with me and forget about going any place crowded I just couldn't do it. I have not worked in nearly 2 years because of the PTSD and the anxiety it creates. I have had many days when I could not make it to class because of the anxiety. I have taken a lot of classes online towards my degree, even chemistry now that was hard online. That has helped a lot with the anxiety. It was also a good way to get into the swing of being in school again and helped me to ease into the classroom setting.

I do hope to see more of your posts, it sounds like you are in the right place.

Hang onto your sobriety, as life does get better.

Judith
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Old 05-22-2008, 10:40 PM
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hi squiggle and welcome!
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Old 05-24-2008, 08:48 AM
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Thanks for support and suggestions

Thanks for the advice and support , it's good to know i am not alone in what i'm feeling.
It's good to know what has worked for you, any suggestions are appreiciated.

I think i will check my local NA meetings .
I have been to a meeting before and found it quite helpful.
I don't fully underdtand NA but will do some research,I am interseted in doing the steps there are apects of them that i think are really useful with moving on in your life.

I have done yoga before and love it , so am going to get to a class in town.

I have read other posts and came across a suggestion of Kava Kava which i had totally forgotten about , i used this many years ago and found it worked great although you are recommended to only take it for 3mths.

I don't like being on medication really, i'd rather go with something natural if possible.

Also i got how may days i've been sober wrong i think, it is 27 days today.

Gave myself a reward last night had a tub of ben and jerry's chunky monkey.

Hope everyone is doing well and in a good place.

K
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Old 05-24-2008, 12:21 PM
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Congrats on your increasing sober time!
Be careful mixing natural and medical remedies for your anxiety. There can be interactions, so please check with your pharmacist before doing so, even if you've already stopped the meds. They can still be in your system. And the mix can create a medical emergency. Remember, an ouce of prevention is worth a pound of cure!

Meetings will do a world of good. The social support; the spiritual enhancement and the practical guide for living a good life is a winner. The only other thing I would add is physical well being -- eating a healthy diet and exercising. You've already got the continuation of your education going. So, it looks like with the meetings and the physical well being, you've got a recipe for a winning recovery!

L'Chaim!
(To Life!)
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Old 05-26-2008, 02:10 PM
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While I do not know what it's like to overcome an addiction I do know what it's like to beat anxiety. Don't beat yourself up for the panic attacks. I know it feels horribly unfair that you can't seem to do the things you would like to do with your life. And it's hard to take it slow, but overcoming anxiety is often a slow process but I promise it's one that can be done!
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