NYC17

Hi, I orignally posted here a month or so ago but talking about alcoholism. My GF and I just broke up last month and it's been hell. She was drinking herself into oblivion and not coming home and spending time with her new co-workers who she's known 4 months and acts like they are god. She even moved in with her boss although still has all her belongings at our place. I thought/think she had an alcohol problem but I've sense entered into therapy and have discovered she has behaviors of BPD. I have no idea if she is or not, but her behaviors are similar in most aspects expect self mutilation and suicide. I've never heard that from her. I felt like I was going insane half the time we were together. It was a lesbian relationship and she has serious issues with her sexuality. She blamed me for everything from losing her friends to stifling her when in fact she did it all to herself because she wasn't out. She seemed out of touch with reality often. Like phases of nothing mattering in the world but her and her work and would find ways to avoid the responsibilty of her actions at all costs. It really became apparently during the break up. Her behavior was crazy and all consuming. She has turned into another person and it's upsetting me greatly. Does anyone else have experiences with BPD? I am aware that it could be just a great confusion about sexuality but it appears to be more than just that. Thanks.

WLDKATZ

OMG YES!!!!
Hello I have BPD.......and sexuality is a HUGE thing in a bpd case, I am queen I am spoiled I need to be pampered and if you raise your voice eyebrow or look at me the wrong way I am either hurting myself or you.....yeppers......sounds just like a bpd case.
Best thing for you, dont take on her problems, find out for you IF you want to be involved in a relationship with someone who has this problem, start reading amything you can get your hands on about BPD....good luck

NYC17

yeah, I'm an italian from NY so I talk in a loud voice no matter what kinda mood! In the beginning she would instantly burst into tears thinking I was mad at her or even when I was upset at her it wasn't a "normal" reaction she had. Then months later the crying stopped and the defiency began. I was very good to her, I felt, not perfect of course and things happened that I regretted but I always felt no matter what I did it was never enough and then she always accused me of being the one enver satisfied, which I wasn't but because of obvious reasons that I explained to her. I alwasy felt like whatever I felt, she always felt that way too which was suspicious to me. Always turned it around on me and I felt nuts.

Mr B

For a while I seriously thought my XAGF had BPD - she ticked all the DSM-IV boxes and rang all the bells. I joined a website for friends and family of those with BPD and saw a huge amount of similarities between the experiences of people there and what I had been living through as well as what she herself had told me about how she feels. But then she managed a month or so sober and I realised she only exhibited those behaviours while drinking regularly. Sober, she didn't.

Mr B.

NYC17

Interesting. That is not the case in my situation. She rarely drank during the 2 1/2 year relationship and the behaviors were still there. She was just a very difficult person and I could never figure out why she wasn't understanding my concerns, but now I realize she was not thinking the same as me. she started drinking towards the end of the relationship and blamed her unhappiness but also sad she was doing nothing wrong by not coming home and staying out all night with people I didn't even know. She didn't want me around because she wasn't out. I planned to break up with her or at the very least seperate for a bit and told her we needed to talk and as soon as I said that it was no holds barred. It was really awful and she basically just started doing whatever she wanted while still living with me and really lost control. I think she was tyring to hurt me so I wouldn't be the one to leave, but I loved/love her and if she just would have been rational, I wouldn't have tried to leave. But I guess that's the point of BPD right?

WLDKATZ

omg nyc are you sure you werent my ex???
it was her screaming out for help in my eyes.....it is exactly what I did, everything from racing cars to sleeping with my ex's roomate...........man those are what is called red flags, even though I know I am hurting the person I love it is more like I am going to hurt you before you have the chance to hurt me and if you are hurting me then wait cuse you will be the one crying.....god that sounds harsh but it is the true, all I wanted was someone to hold me tighter and see something was wrong

WLDKATZ

Oh Trace......that is your girl hear and I have sat here again just BAWLING by all of it!!!!!

sailorjohn

For a while I was in that mode of trying to figure out exactly what was wrong with my ex, I'd done some reading and started thinking that she might be bpd, at the end I thought she might even be a sociopath. It doesn't matter, her problems are hers and mine are mine, the most important question is why I would choose to stay in the relationship.

WLDKATZ

Both......made myself leave my comfort zone twice today.......it was ok but I ran straight home and had my sister with me the whole time....

Thanks Trace!!!

least

what Tracee said, all the traits of BPD all fit my daughter three years ago at 17. It's a description of her perfectly. I thought we'd never live thru it but now at age 20 she's matured a lot and isn't near as extreme. I wasn't aware of any meds she could have taken to make it more tolerable but she should have gone to more counseling. I don't know much about it but I do know that it's really rough for those around the victim of BPD as much as for the victims themselves. Sorry I can't be more help. I do understand your frustration tho.:ghug3

WLDKATZ

Least, Keep and eye out.....I had a dr @ 15 tell me that I had the symptoms, got better lived a life OWNED AND SUCCESSFULLY operating 4 star restaurants (3 at one time)
then one day it fell apart not only did I find out I had both bpd's( borderline and bipolor) I also found out I was manic depressive. This condition is normally found in young women about 23 to 27....It is called the princess curse because "YOU" are it! I am just saying I pray it isnt this at all but watch it may sneak back up on you!