I'm not alone?

Old 02-23-2008, 07:21 PM
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Unhappy I'm not alone?

I am new to this website but can not express to you how happy I am hat I have found this place. I feel like there are people out there who can understand 100% how I feel and what I go through everyday. I have a alcoholic mother. She has been drinking my entire life and before that, so I would say at least 40 yrs. I am a married mother of three great children. Recently I have come to the end of my rope with her and am not sure what to do. Her health is going downhill and I am afraid if I stop communication with her I will regret it later, but if I keep her in my life I am stressed out all the time. Wondering every time the phone rings if it'll be "one of those days". I am jealous when I see other women out with there mothers and they appear normal. I have longed for that. Now having a two sons and a daughter of my own I know what I have to do. I pride myself on being the best mother I can be. My father was also an alcoholic but had stopped drinking, and was sober for about 7 yrs before he passed away. So I wonder how do I deal. I cry all the time, my children are getting to a point where they see "different nana". How do you explain to a 6 yr old why his grandma won't be at his birthday party? I am so sick of making excuses for her. I feel embarrassed and ashamed of her. For a long time I would get so mad when she would drink, and one day it dawned on me...its "sober mom" that takes that first drink. So now here I sit with all of these emotions and after 27 yrs of my life I still dont know what to do. I thank you to all that have listened to me ramble and for all the advice in advance.
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Old 02-23-2008, 07:32 PM
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Welcome to SR Mrs Fox

You are not alone. Many wonderful people show up here and share what works for them. There is hope and support on the way. As people show up and read, they will leave replies that you may find helpful.

You may want to read the posts at the top of the forum that say "sticky" beside them. They have some good info in them for a start.
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Old 02-23-2008, 07:38 PM
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Hi there MrsFox, and welcome to this wonderful website

I am terribly sorry about your Mother. My parents were also alcoholics, and the last thing in the world I would ever allow was for them to come in contact with my daughter, and later the grandkids.

The way to deal is to first educate yourself about this disease. You can start right here on this website by reading thru the "sticky" posts at the top of this forum. There is also a great deal of information "next door" at the other "Friends and Family" forums in their own sticky posts.

Another great place for information is at meetings of al-anon. I have found them to be invaluable. They have wonderful books and pamphlets, as well as kind and compasionate people that can share their own experience with their parents. You can find them in your local phone book.

Welcome again, I'm glad you decided to join us

Mike
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Old 02-23-2008, 07:51 PM
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Hi MrsFox, Welcome to SR!!
My father was an active alcoholic when I was very young but got sober later on . My mother is still an alcoholic. I did not have a lot of control around how her addiction affected me in my family life, but I have absolute control around how she can or cannot affect my child. I would not allow her to be around my daughter if she was drinking. Absolutley not.
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Old 02-23-2008, 08:16 PM
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Hi Mrs. Fox,
I'm so sorry that you are going through such turmoil with your mother. How wonderful that you do have a daughter of your own to love and cherish. A book I found very helpful in explaining why someone else's drinking was making me crazy and sad is called "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie. It helps explain how your mother's drinking has affected you in your life a little.

I was also so grateful to find this website. And just look at how many members there are! Isn't it nice to know that you are not alone in this world and that others will be here every day to support you in your desire to stop the insanity that is in your life? There truly are better ways to live with an alcoholic in your life. I hope you read as much as you can about how adult children are affected by their A parents and realize that your life can change for the better. It truly is possible.
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Old 02-24-2008, 07:34 AM
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Welcome (((MrsFox)))

So glad to see you...make yourself at home here. My parents were both A's. My dad died 2yrs ago in his alcoholism but my mom got sober in aa 11yrs ago and extended the hand of recovery to me. I will always be grateful for that.

SR is a great place to be for support and education. Just take your time....do some nice things for yourself...keep coming back...and thats it!

DesertEyes gave you some great ideas on things you can do for yourself...so I have nothing to add there except to say...meetings were great for me, also.

Looking forward to getting to know you! Glad you found us.

Take care of you...you will grow stronger everyday...just keep coming back.

Hugs!
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Old 02-24-2008, 02:43 PM
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There comes a point in our lives when we have to ask ourselves just how much more we are willing to take before we ourselves break down.
The alcoholic is not going to quit drinking. The turmoil they cause can be devestating. That devestation takes a huge toll on us.

My mother was a hateful mean drunk for many years. I left home as a teenager and did not have any thing to do with her for 15 years, that is until she got in to AA and got sober.
She is still an alcoholic with many of the strange behavior, but at least now I can have a relationship with her.
I choose not to have a relationship with any alcoholic. No family member and no friend. All it has ever done for me is drag me into an eternal world of chaos and pain.
It is their decision NOT to get help.
I hope you'll hang around here. It certianly has been good for me.
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