Trying.

I feel very confused right now. A group I go too has a lot of in-house fighting going on, from service positions to the problems in South Africa. There a few intellectuals that attend and to be honest some of the arguements go over my head. I feel that I'm beginning to attack myself for not being a more proactive person. I have no desire to get involved in liberating the oppressed. I wish I could say I did, but I don't. I just about cope with getting on with my own life. I feel ridculed because some of what I am hearing does make sense. But I've been accused of standing on the sidelines and not being self-less and people talk about self-lessness of "freedom fighters". I spend my life trying to sort my own emotional life out after my upbringing, I don't feel I want to do anything more than this. But I'm feeling guilty now. I know thats my choice, sigh. Perhaps I'm playing out how inedquate and stupid I felt growing up hearing my parents debating the world as they saw it and their emotional neglect of what was right in front of them, me. I'm middle aged now, I guess I should have a better understanding of worlds politics, but, I don't. I feel shame with myself right now. I could walk away from the group, but then I feel like I',m even dumber becasue I couldnt take the heat. Any one have a opinon on any of this? AM I a head-in-the-sand-coward?

Growing

"AM I a head-in-the-sand-coward?"

I don't think you are. I think this group may be a trigger for you. It reminds you of a period in your life when you were defenseless/helpless.

I think this *particular* group just is not right for *you*. It doesn't make you or the group "bad".

Maybe its time to practice some self-care and pick a different group, or take time out for yourself and investigate these feelings further. The choices are endless.....

Try to resist the "comfort" of blaming yourself, calling yourself names and beating yourself up. Athough that may be our "default mode" we have to fight it.

frstnm

possibly why my meeting says in the beginning
please keep your speaking to 5 minutes ish and related to Your Alcoholism
its not all that ridged but they do stop some people after a while......

Trying.

Thanks yeah I agree, some self-care is required here. I was thinking after I posted that I tend to have an external locus of control. Blaming those around me for how I feel. Perhaps I need to use more *I* statements. I can leave this group.

GingerM

My 2 cents worth:

It's my experience that people like the ones you describe in your group are doing nothing more than trying to build up their own self esteem by talking over the heads of others and making others feel stupid. By making others feel either unintelligent or uncaring, they can then hold themselves up as paragons of intelligence/virtue and feel better about themselves.

Then there's the rest of us who can say "I have low self esteem, but putting other people down won't make me look any bigger."

If I were you, I would walk away from the group knowing that they need to feel smarter/better than everyone else because they have nothing else they can feel good about themselves for. Where-as I can feel good knowing that I know myself well enough to know, admit and accept my own deficiencies. I would leave them to sit and admire each other on how smart/politically adept they all are, feeding off of each other like some weird mutant emotional parasites, while I got on with making *me* a better person in the hopes that some day I may be able to truly help someone else become a better person, and not just feed others' egos by being the "dumb one" that makes them feel smart.

Trying.

I so far haven 't been back to that group. I feel so much saner for it! Sometimes there's been a bit of a drive in me to return and try and settle the score, but I realise that would make me part of the insanity going on there. Someone on another thread somewhere on this site spoke about how trying to make an insane situation, sane makes you feel crazy. That is so true. Anyways thanks for the help on this it really has been something I've returned to over the last couple of days to re-read to keep me grounded.

Growing

Thats is great news Trying!

You are really working it...

Thank you so much for letting us know how it went.

Wascally Wabbit

I can relate to what Ginger said. There really are those who thing more of themselves than they should.
I had gone to meetings where the treasurer just would NOT be bothered with actually getting into recovery. She would whine and cry and every meeting it was the same. It's like she didn't want help, she just wanted someone to feel sorry for her.

There's all kind of people at meetings. Some are fantastic, loving and helpful.