Yellow

It has been a little over a month since my mother died from years of alcohol abuse. I don't know how I do it, but I still work 40 hours a week and contribute accordingly as a wife and mother. I miss my mom so much. This past year had been very difficult because she relapsed after working so hard to get sober. It resulted in a bitter relationship between us. We would communicate, but I mostly preached and she always had something negative to say. I knew she was lonely and needed someone to talk to, but I was already broken and didn't want to continue falling apart from the worry and pain her sad phone calls caused. Many times now...I wish I had listened.

With all the support here, I am realizing that I did all I thought I could handle. I didn't want to be responsible anymore for her life. I begged her to get off the pity pot, but she found it so difficult. All I wanted was a sober, healthy, self-sufficient, and happy mother! I would get pieces of her just like so, but alcohol became a stronghold. Why!

Today, I have felt tremendous anxiety. I LONG TO HEAR HER GOOD VOICE. The guilt is also a factor. The could have, should have, and what if eat away at my mind. I am coping, but every minute is different.

I have always had an anxiety problem, but now it is becoming more obvious. I assume it is due to being an ACOA.

Anxiety Issues and behaviors
- I constantly feel judged
- I constantly seek approval
- I love attention from everyone
- I constantly judge myself
- I never feel good enough
- I replay almost every conversation I have with others
- I fear I am unable...
- I wear a mask
- It is hard to be social


If anyone has battled with anxiety for similar reasons or for any reasons please reply. I appreciate your support.

Sincerely,
Yellow

historyteach

Dear Yellow....

Yes, I have suffered from anxiety for many years now. It's mostly controlled now. I meditate, use deep breathing techniques, imagery, progressive relaxation techniques. And I see a counselor, so, I take care of myself emotionally.

I *try* to eat right and exercise, though I'm not really good there. I moderate my alcohol. I get enough sleep when I'm able, and when I'm not, I do speak to my doc, and get something for it. So, I take care of myself physically.

I try to continue to learn new things, take classes or read things of interest, taking care of myself mentally.

And I attend services and study Torah, taking care of myself spiritually.

When I do these things regularly, I am better off. I seldom have to use medication to control my anxiety. There are still times, though. Years of stress have taken their toll. I continue to do my best to take care of myself, and that means depending upon others when necessary.

I hope my experiences help you. Those four areas, physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually, make a world of difference in my mental health, even in the worst of times.
What do you do for yourself?

Here's a link to our anxiety forum. Please read the stickies. You will find important information there:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/anxiety-disorders/

I wish you the best...

Shalom!

Wascally Wabbit

Hi Yellow,
One thing I can tell you is that I have suffered anxiety all my life. I know it stems from being acoa. We go through so many weird and evil things as children, then without training, we are thrust in to the real world to live and try to make it. No wonder we are full of anxiety! I thought I was going to die at least once a week from severe anxiety.
Lots of alanon training, and these boards have helped me to over come most of it.
I had a morbid and terrifying fear of getting in a car as a passenger. Can you imagine how it was for me, a manager, to have to get into a car with the uppity ups? I had to be medicated to take a 10 minute drive! I am at least 75% better in that area. I don't have to be medicated!!

I hear the pain in your post. I wish I had a momma who would stop complaining and have something nice to say. But, there is absolutely nothing I can do about what she chooses to say and do. I ignore her as much as I can.
Even though they aren't the best people on earth, they are after all, our mother. And we love them no matter what they do to themselves.
I wish I could take away your pain. Please don't blame yourself for any of it.
It's ok not to feel guilty! It's ok to say to yourself that there was nothing you could have done that would ever have made a difference in her drinking and drugging.

Spiritual Seeker

I Do not have anxiety issues but I did feel like I was my mother's keeper.
I have learned that I am not.
I am soo soo sorry about your Mom's passing.
You did all you could. You were the best daughter possible to an alcoholic. Her disease limited the relationship you did not. Can you Stop arguing with reality and accept what is? It is normal to be sad when our parent passes. But it is not normal to take responsibility for it. Realize that you were a good daughter. The disease of alcoholism won. It took from from you while she was living. It no longer needs to take from you.
Guilt is not necessary.

Growing

I struggle with anxiety...both of my parents my whole life, growing up were A's. I take an herbal mix, today, to treat it and it really helps..in the future I may try therapy and medication...I would consider medication.

No advice today...just love an care sent to you...so sorry about the loss of your mom...I am still processing my grief from the death of my dad due to the disease of alcoholism...good to see you again...keep coming back..

Love,

Growing

Barbara52

This sounds similar to what I've called my free floating guilt. I am working on that by working through the times it hits by logically analyzing where the source of the guilt is and when it turns out to be guilt I am carrying for unhealthy, illegitimate reasons (most of the time), working on understanding at a gut level that I have nothing to feel guilty about.