Dealing with anxiety
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Ohio
Posts: 62
Dealing with anxiety
I am not sure if what I am having is panic or anxiety attacks. I usually have them when I am alone. Although the worst panic attacks I have had - where I was full blown hyperventilating, unable to breath, crying exc have been with people or on the phone with people.
Anything can trigger me. I feel crazy sometimes. Watching something scary can trigger me - or something as silly as an noise can trigger me. I can't explain what happens. It's like something else takes over. Sometimes I feel like something is going to get me. I feel like putting my back up agianst a wall and either turning every light on or turning every light off. I am feeling anxious just writing this actually.
Before I knew what panic attacks were - I was having them in highschool - I would shake (shivver when not cold) and sometimes be unable to walk - like so terrified I would suddenly be unable to move my feet - all while trying to pretend like nothing was happening. I was really weird.
I think I have had severe untreated anxiety attacks from the time of childhood. I can remember the first time I was so terrified that I couldn't move (was paralized and fighting my body to move and had to drag my limbs in slow motion). My father was drunk and fighting with my mother. I was maybe 4 - 6. I remember my brother and I would run up the stairs often on hands and knee's to try to escape our father into the saftey of our rooms. One day he almost got me because my feet wouldn't work. I remember being a little tiny girl on a staircase struggling to move and being almost totally paralized and looking back and seeing him coming closer and closer. I can't remember what happened in the end - but that feeling of being paralized is something I have always remembered. I also used to try to sleep over friends houses - but having such anxiety - the feeling of DANGER (i'm going to die) that I would have to call my mom in the middle of the night to come and pick me up.
My worst panic attack - happened after something "triggered" me. I am very sensitive. Anything can trigger panic in me. Something very simple - like a noise - and I am sent into high altert mode. I think that is generalized anxiety - I often feel flighty - like I have to run or press my back agianst a wall (for fear of something "getting me") especially I get this feeling when I am in staircases. I often feel like I am goin to die about half way up a staircase and have to run to the landing for no reason - just because I am in a stair case. I also don't like bedrooms - or rooms with closed doors. I have slept in a couch in a living room for the past 7 years. Even now that I have my ownapartment - I don't like it. I feel trapped. ALL rational thought is overtaken by utter helplessness and fear. I'd say I live about 1/3 of my life in this state. Its pretty normal and expected to me.
Back to my panic attack. It happened after I was at work. My work number is 1 number off from the number of a local crisis mental health hotline. Anyhow, I got a very creepy call from a mentally ill person (which happens from time to time) when I was closing - all alone in a warehouse. It freaked me out. At 2 AM I had the WORST panic attack of my life. I called my aunt crying at 2 am to come get me (no one at my parents would get up) because I kept hearing noises. I was hyper ventilating, hearing things, seeing things, feeling things (the hose move when it didin't) that were over exaderated or non-existant. I broke down crying (had my aunt and cousin scared) and went running out of my house screaming. I was crying in the back of her car - and was unable to breath. Turned out nothing was there....but a noise from outside (prob traffic noise exc) threw me into a panic. I couldn't think. All I thought was "he's going to get me...run...run...run your going to die!!!".
Is that a panic attack. I'm not sure. These feelings of anxiety have always been so "normal" to me that i'm used to them....not sure what they are...or if they are more mild or more severe that was is normally seen as a panic attack?
Anything can trigger me. I feel crazy sometimes. Watching something scary can trigger me - or something as silly as an noise can trigger me. I can't explain what happens. It's like something else takes over. Sometimes I feel like something is going to get me. I feel like putting my back up agianst a wall and either turning every light on or turning every light off. I am feeling anxious just writing this actually.
Before I knew what panic attacks were - I was having them in highschool - I would shake (shivver when not cold) and sometimes be unable to walk - like so terrified I would suddenly be unable to move my feet - all while trying to pretend like nothing was happening. I was really weird.
I think I have had severe untreated anxiety attacks from the time of childhood. I can remember the first time I was so terrified that I couldn't move (was paralized and fighting my body to move and had to drag my limbs in slow motion). My father was drunk and fighting with my mother. I was maybe 4 - 6. I remember my brother and I would run up the stairs often on hands and knee's to try to escape our father into the saftey of our rooms. One day he almost got me because my feet wouldn't work. I remember being a little tiny girl on a staircase struggling to move and being almost totally paralized and looking back and seeing him coming closer and closer. I can't remember what happened in the end - but that feeling of being paralized is something I have always remembered. I also used to try to sleep over friends houses - but having such anxiety - the feeling of DANGER (i'm going to die) that I would have to call my mom in the middle of the night to come and pick me up.
My worst panic attack - happened after something "triggered" me. I am very sensitive. Anything can trigger panic in me. Something very simple - like a noise - and I am sent into high altert mode. I think that is generalized anxiety - I often feel flighty - like I have to run or press my back agianst a wall (for fear of something "getting me") especially I get this feeling when I am in staircases. I often feel like I am goin to die about half way up a staircase and have to run to the landing for no reason - just because I am in a stair case. I also don't like bedrooms - or rooms with closed doors. I have slept in a couch in a living room for the past 7 years. Even now that I have my ownapartment - I don't like it. I feel trapped. ALL rational thought is overtaken by utter helplessness and fear. I'd say I live about 1/3 of my life in this state. Its pretty normal and expected to me.
Back to my panic attack. It happened after I was at work. My work number is 1 number off from the number of a local crisis mental health hotline. Anyhow, I got a very creepy call from a mentally ill person (which happens from time to time) when I was closing - all alone in a warehouse. It freaked me out. At 2 AM I had the WORST panic attack of my life. I called my aunt crying at 2 am to come get me (no one at my parents would get up) because I kept hearing noises. I was hyper ventilating, hearing things, seeing things, feeling things (the hose move when it didin't) that were over exaderated or non-existant. I broke down crying (had my aunt and cousin scared) and went running out of my house screaming. I was crying in the back of her car - and was unable to breath. Turned out nothing was there....but a noise from outside (prob traffic noise exc) threw me into a panic. I couldn't think. All I thought was "he's going to get me...run...run...run your going to die!!!".
Is that a panic attack. I'm not sure. These feelings of anxiety have always been so "normal" to me that i'm used to them....not sure what they are...or if they are more mild or more severe that was is normally seen as a panic attack?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Payette Idaho
Posts: 37
you know that situations like that would scare anyone, and i personaly would have acted the same as you, yes that was a panic attack but there is more to that then i can say. does this happen often?im not a doc so if i was you and things were like this ona dayly basis i would seek help from a psycologist. I am A very peranoid person and can relate to some of your feelings i cant relate to the hone call but it would scare the heck outa me.
8/20/07: 117 days free
Join Date: May 2007
Location: California
Posts: 42
How scary for you!!!
This is my first post in a while, but my heart really goes out to you. I understand the kind of fear you write of.
As another poster pointed out, perhaps a visit to a psychologist. I would be very careful about choosing a psychologist for the time being. A psychologist would definitely be the best beginning choice.
I hope you find your peace.
This is my first post in a while, but my heart really goes out to you. I understand the kind of fear you write of.
As another poster pointed out, perhaps a visit to a psychologist. I would be very careful about choosing a psychologist for the time being. A psychologist would definitely be the best beginning choice.
I hope you find your peace.
Life the gift of recovery!
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Home is where the heart is
Posts: 7,061
It definately sounds like anxiety to me. I have fought with anxiety all of my life. I also suffer from PTSD. I am currently working with a psychologist to address the anxiety and PTSD. I also have medication that is available as needed for the anxiety attacks. It has been bad enough at times that I have been unable to leave my home. I would suggest that you see a psychologist as soon as possible. Unfortunately many times anxiety will get worse not better when left untreated. At least that has been my experience. Take care and thanks for posting.
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