hairgirl

I normally post in addiction forums, but I do suffer from anxiety disorder and this situation seems appropriate here.
I had to remove my maid of honor from my wedding a couple days ago.She has been my friend for many years, but lately she has been so blatant in blowing off anything concerning my wedding.She has left a 15+ year relationship a few months ago, it was very abusive, and I have stood by her side through all the years of neglect, trying to get her to leave and start over.Well, she did, and I supported her,helped her.I have bent over backwards to help her because I love her.
But when it comes to me, now that I am sober, she ignores me, blows off times we are supposed to get together.She has chosen a path of sleeping around, numbing pain with alcohol and drugs, and has all but left me hanging in the dust.I fully get the fact that these things happen, but I am so pissed off, and hurt.

Lilya

Hi Hairgirl,

Welcome to the board. I´m sure you´ll find help here.

Losing inappropriate friends is one of the challenge you face in recovery, but remember it´s like trimming hedges. You´re getting rid of the bad things from your past, the dishonesty and the turbulent lifestyle your friend has chosen.

People change and maybe she will get treatment later or go through a fundamental change that will bring you back - when it´s good for you.

Keep doing what´s right for you and don´t let her break your sobriety. I believe that is what she is doing, because consiously or unconciously, she wants you to stay the same, so she can feel confortable in her drinking. Your recovery is a threat to her.

You´ll meet lots of new friends. I know I did - when I had gotten rid of all my drug and drinking buddies.

Love and light,

scarlati

Well, you've changed and she hasn't, or if she has it wasn't in the same direction as you. It seems natural that that would affect your friendship. You just don't have as much in common anymore. My brother and I have been best friends our whole lives. He quit drinking a year before I did and during that year we talked on the phone and emailed a lot but hardly ever saw each other in person. Alcoholism was something we'd always shared and when he got out we just didn't have that bond anymore. I eventually saw how much his life improved after he quit and that was a major motivator for me. Now that I'm not drinking we hang out again and have picked up other activities we can enjoy together that don't involve alcohol. But in all honesty, if he wasn't my brother there's a good chance we'd have never seen each other again after he quit drinking. That's just life.

Also, if I'd just ended a 15 year relationship I think it would be hard for me to be happy for a friend who's getting married. I'd like to think I'd be happy for you and attend your wedding, but it's hard to be happy for other people when our own lives are falling apart.