The other woman
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Ontario
Posts: 718
Yes I can. Cause I have to face it and she has been here since the beginning and her daughter reason hy my son prosecuted....Work today ugggg. Not sexual cheating just emotional...........Forget it can' do it.
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Worcester
Posts: 789
Maybe you should look into some kind of recovery or codependent group that deals with sexual issues...your posts seem to have a lot to do with past abuse and current issues around relationships.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Ontario
Posts: 718
Yes Mike I do go on another forum for CSA/SA related PTSD support, It comes out more when I drink. Had a major binge yesterday I regret, Drinking brings it out more depression/severe anxiety, panick attacks and flashbacks. Am on meds for it. I'm back on the wagon again.
Lilya none of my boys live with me anymore, Talked to my youngest yesterday, sending him a belated B-day gift he turned 17 earlier this month. I bought him an IPOD Nano. Talking to him may of triggered me into the binge and PTSD. I miss them all so much. They won't visit cause they don't get along with my hubby and because my oldest was prosecuted on pedophile charges last year here, bad time for all of us, we waited three years before it came to court. same time last year I was molested by jerk friend of hubby's I was triggered so bad I was off work four months with the PTSD that time. I do get jealous of this other woman as she has been hubby's friend since childhood and he will do anything for her, her son visits my hubby instead of her when it's her weekend to take him. Guess he doesn't get along with her boyfriend. It's a very sore spot for me when my own kids won't come visit at all. A constant reminder as her daughter was the main prosecuting witness at my sons trial. Not really her fault but she does take hubby's generosiy for granted and seems to me she uses my hubby quite a bit.
Lilya none of my boys live with me anymore, Talked to my youngest yesterday, sending him a belated B-day gift he turned 17 earlier this month. I bought him an IPOD Nano. Talking to him may of triggered me into the binge and PTSD. I miss them all so much. They won't visit cause they don't get along with my hubby and because my oldest was prosecuted on pedophile charges last year here, bad time for all of us, we waited three years before it came to court. same time last year I was molested by jerk friend of hubby's I was triggered so bad I was off work four months with the PTSD that time. I do get jealous of this other woman as she has been hubby's friend since childhood and he will do anything for her, her son visits my hubby instead of her when it's her weekend to take him. Guess he doesn't get along with her boyfriend. It's a very sore spot for me when my own kids won't come visit at all. A constant reminder as her daughter was the main prosecuting witness at my sons trial. Not really her fault but she does take hubby's generosiy for granted and seems to me she uses my hubby quite a bit.
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Northen Europe and France
Posts: 1,657
Hi Gail,
I´m sorry about your sons. You must miss them a lot. These are difficult times, but you´ll get over them.
One thing at a time. What doesn´t break us makes us stronger.
Love and light,
I´m sorry about your sons. You must miss them a lot. These are difficult times, but you´ll get over them.
One thing at a time. What doesn´t break us makes us stronger.
Love and light,
Member
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Canada
Posts: 15
l met the other woman
My Ex came back briefly for two days. Not to make up, but to break up for good and for me it was for closure. l could see that l no longer trusted him and he was like a person visiting me. l was not comfortable around him that one would say he was like a lover/best friend, more like someone refered to my house to stay overnight.
The more l listened, the more l heard lies, the more l saw his body language divulged what he was not saying or was trying to keep from me and l often told him that his life was made up of secrets and deception and his days of running and hiding were not over, but our time was.
Just so happens, the phone rang when he was in the washroom, l picked it up and knew instantly who she was. l handed him the phone and to me he had said , he was wanting to try and move back in and patch things up (which l knew was not going to happen after all that he did and said) but to her, he said he was needing some time to think and would be back to see her and talk to her later that day.
After hearing that, l sat down and waited for him to come and sit down. l told him straight up it was over and there was nothing left, no love , no friendship, nothing. It almost looked like a huge burden was lifted off of him and he became quite at ease and asked if he could call sometime and if we could be friends to which l said No not at all, that l did not want him to come near me, near where l am living or to call me ever again. l said l was sick of him and his lies and cheating with me and other women.
l asked him to leave and he sat so l called my girlfriend to come over to help me get him out of the house. As soon as she arrived he got dressed and left. He held me while l said goodbye and l cried so hard knowing that it was the last time l would ever be in his arms and the time we had together was over and this was for the best and certainly the best for me.
He told me to hug him and l said no and he saw me crying and just watched, not one tear did he cry.
Later that day, the other woman called and told me she was not trying to cause a problem but knew he had been lying to her about where he had been and who he had been with and that is why she called my place to catch him. She came over later on to meet me and talk to me and also brought along his other lover, a male friend, who he has been friends with for many years.
We just talked about how many people he is presently doing this to and how many people are getting presently hurt by him.
l just told her to pass on a message for him from me and that was to leave me alone and never to call me again. She said she felt very badly for involving me or even coming over for that matter but she heard from the Ex that l was the one creating the problems and in sitting and crying over him she realized who was lying and it was not me. She apologized and said l had been through enough in the past few days being used by this man and said l needed some rest to sort through the crap he had done to me and she and the male lover left.
The only thing l think we all noticed is the male lover was hurting more than any of us women as he was at times hard to calm down, so the only thing l told him was that from all that l know and heard, he is welcome to the Ex as l have absolutely no feelings for him except contempt.
Chelle
The more l listened, the more l heard lies, the more l saw his body language divulged what he was not saying or was trying to keep from me and l often told him that his life was made up of secrets and deception and his days of running and hiding were not over, but our time was.
Just so happens, the phone rang when he was in the washroom, l picked it up and knew instantly who she was. l handed him the phone and to me he had said , he was wanting to try and move back in and patch things up (which l knew was not going to happen after all that he did and said) but to her, he said he was needing some time to think and would be back to see her and talk to her later that day.
After hearing that, l sat down and waited for him to come and sit down. l told him straight up it was over and there was nothing left, no love , no friendship, nothing. It almost looked like a huge burden was lifted off of him and he became quite at ease and asked if he could call sometime and if we could be friends to which l said No not at all, that l did not want him to come near me, near where l am living or to call me ever again. l said l was sick of him and his lies and cheating with me and other women.
l asked him to leave and he sat so l called my girlfriend to come over to help me get him out of the house. As soon as she arrived he got dressed and left. He held me while l said goodbye and l cried so hard knowing that it was the last time l would ever be in his arms and the time we had together was over and this was for the best and certainly the best for me.
He told me to hug him and l said no and he saw me crying and just watched, not one tear did he cry.
Later that day, the other woman called and told me she was not trying to cause a problem but knew he had been lying to her about where he had been and who he had been with and that is why she called my place to catch him. She came over later on to meet me and talk to me and also brought along his other lover, a male friend, who he has been friends with for many years.
We just talked about how many people he is presently doing this to and how many people are getting presently hurt by him.
l just told her to pass on a message for him from me and that was to leave me alone and never to call me again. She said she felt very badly for involving me or even coming over for that matter but she heard from the Ex that l was the one creating the problems and in sitting and crying over him she realized who was lying and it was not me. She apologized and said l had been through enough in the past few days being used by this man and said l needed some rest to sort through the crap he had done to me and she and the male lover left.
The only thing l think we all noticed is the male lover was hurting more than any of us women as he was at times hard to calm down, so the only thing l told him was that from all that l know and heard, he is welcome to the Ex as l have absolutely no feelings for him except contempt.
Chelle
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Ontario
Posts: 718
Thats sounds just like what I did in my second relationship, so hard yet having the truth come out in the end is closure.
This relationship is a lot harder to decipher. He constantly battles with himself more than me and it is his stress is just coming out at me, without him realizing it. I tell him now a lot that I kw he is stressed and I will not accept it anymore. we all know I have enough stress of my own to cope with and enough negative thinking to keep track of and change to positive thinking without including his in with mine. A mistake a lo of us women make in relationships. Feeling we have t be responsible for the entire family's happiness. I did for way to many years an beat myself up emotionally when I couldn't make every one happy. A sure recipie for depression and misery.
When he's calm enough to half ways listen I tell him ways to reduce stress by reflecting it on to how I'm helping myself, that way he doesn't feel defensive and jump to he agressive side, yet still he has to learn to control his own fears and panick. I know I can't do it for him, I know he will never take medication or counselling for it. I am learning to cope for the most part yet still hard.
Both being abuse survivors, if I didn't know where he came from and how bad he had it as a child I would never put up with it. He is not violent but he is a workaholic, a dissasociative, blows up in frustration and anger verbally when severly stressed or in a panick and he is a flighter much more than I am. His running triggers me a lot into panick attacks of my own over trust and rejection issues.
I lived with rejection an abuse most my life. I battle the negative thoughts on a daily level now. I am going to stick it out for the winter here and see how it goes.
This relationship is a lot harder to decipher. He constantly battles with himself more than me and it is his stress is just coming out at me, without him realizing it. I tell him now a lot that I kw he is stressed and I will not accept it anymore. we all know I have enough stress of my own to cope with and enough negative thinking to keep track of and change to positive thinking without including his in with mine. A mistake a lo of us women make in relationships. Feeling we have t be responsible for the entire family's happiness. I did for way to many years an beat myself up emotionally when I couldn't make every one happy. A sure recipie for depression and misery.
When he's calm enough to half ways listen I tell him ways to reduce stress by reflecting it on to how I'm helping myself, that way he doesn't feel defensive and jump to he agressive side, yet still he has to learn to control his own fears and panick. I know I can't do it for him, I know he will never take medication or counselling for it. I am learning to cope for the most part yet still hard.
Both being abuse survivors, if I didn't know where he came from and how bad he had it as a child I would never put up with it. He is not violent but he is a workaholic, a dissasociative, blows up in frustration and anger verbally when severly stressed or in a panick and he is a flighter much more than I am. His running triggers me a lot into panick attacks of my own over trust and rejection issues.
I lived with rejection an abuse most my life. I battle the negative thoughts on a daily level now. I am going to stick it out for the winter here and see how it goes.
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