stratoc

hello all, i kind of a lurker, thought i would post. i had my last drink just under 2 years ago and here is my problem. im painfully shy, nobody who knows me would believe that. but i am.
i work very hard and am just starting a long needed 2 week break, i have developed a spasm in my neck from sitting in front of a pc all day and had plans to go to italy for a holiday, i cancelled that friday and have been sitting infront of my home pc since then. talk about a busmans holiday!
as i was lying in bed this morning i started to think 'if i hadnt woke up this morning nobody would know until i was due back at work' this thought terrified me. i have always been a bit of a loner, only used to come out of my shell after a drink. i always had a girlfriend but i have zero self confidence sober, again nobody who knows me would agree with that, i have a sort of front i put up at work, but work seems to be all i do atm. i feel safe in my flat but am becoming a prisoner. every aa meet i go to scares the hell out of me, there are always 1 or 2 people who worry me.
i was just wondering what i can do to get some sort of socialising 'drive' i have driven away offers from women with a confident polite "im not in that place yet sorry" rebuf, when actually i screaming inside 'YES PLEASE, BE MY FRIEND"
family wise i have an elderly adopted mother i adore and my step brother who lives across the pond.
i just keep remembering what many partners have warned me 'you will die a very sad and lonely old man' well i don't want to, why cant i give myself a kick up the a?@# and stop taking the safe option?
hope you are all well and sorry to bother you with this somewhat meagre problem.
adam

Justme57

Hi Adam,
I am so sorry that you are feeling so isolated.
Congrats on your sober time ! Well done !

I , too, have just started holidays, and I am a bit like you , if I allow myself to isolate. I make plans, then cancel them. For me, it is "old behaviour", so I need to be on my guard. If I let it go on too long, it gets SO hard to make the effort to change it .

My solution is to ring AA friends, and SHARE how I am feeling,lunch with my Sponser , and I always "up" my meetings during my holidays too, cos I used to dread them when drinking.
I make plans with AA friends to have coffee, see a movie, or take the dog for a walk ! LOL

It does take a huge effort, but I know that it is what I should be doing, and that I will feel better for it .

Hope some of these ideas help. once you take the first step, it wont be so hard

HUGX
Leigh

nandm

Where you are at can be a frightening place. I can relate a lot to it. When I started sobriety I found that I had spent so much time during my drinking trying to hide it from people that I had isolated myself. I found that I was an actor in many ways, spending my time around people trying to appear like a normal person, so worried that I was not. I always felt alone in a crowd.

It has taken several years of constant work and some days are better than others but things have gotten better. What has worked for me is reaching out. I started with just calling one person in A.A. each day, leaving a message if they did not answer. I met my best friend in A.A. by doing that. I then started coming in to meetings a little early. Staying to late with the excuse of helping clean up. I spent time as a secretary of a meeting. I started making a point to speak to and welcome any new comers I saw. I started attending a meeting on a regular basis and became a home group member. I listened to people during the meetings searching for consistency in the way they talked. Then when I found someone I believed really worked a good program I would make a point to speak to them at the meetings even if it was just a simple hello.

It has taken me a while but I have developed a solid group of friends that I know I can trust. Some that are even not in A.A. and drink normally.

There is hope and it can get better but it does take trusting in a Higher Power and putting one foot in front of the other no matter how uncomfortable it feels.

Hope you find something that works for you.

CarolD

Good to see you here with us again!
Welcome back..

As Leigh said...I too use my AA frriends
for social inter action.
I also have 4 neighbors ..non drinkers that I
visit with and we call often.

Have you considerred joining a hobby club?
Something you are interested ed in that also
allows personal contacts..

Ouch! your neck spasm sounds painful.
Gentle ...Adam

Blessings

stratoc

thanks all, does me good to remember i not the only one. i too seem to have driven every normal person out of my life a good time ago, surrounded myself with other active alcoholics in an attempt to kid myself that what i was doing was acceptable, and the last 2 years of my drinking was done alone behind closed doors, im sure everyone has been there and that must be the worse place in existence!
i have to tell myself how horrible my life was back then, because my mind blanks them and tries to replace those dark days with memories of beer gardens and laughter (something very far from the truth)
i also have to keep reminding myself that 'most people are as happy as they decide to be' it's just everything scares me, i would like to go to the park, but i used to drink there, i would like to go for a drive but i havnt driven for 6 years and guess where i did most of my drinking? in the car! everything seems to remind me of drinking days, oddly enough the only place i feel comfortable in is a pub, i think because my hardcore drinking was done behind closed doors. i drank from a very early age, im not the strongest person in the will power area, i live alone. i feel this now seems a little harder than when i first quit, but it's just my state of mind and todays position.
many thanks again.
adam

CarolD

How about getting a pet?

If you had a dog...you could take
it out for walks. A new good habit.

Personally...I prefer a cat or two.
Two keep each other company while
you work and will entertain you when your home.

Siamese talk a lot too. a mixed blessing...

I have also walked mine...meaning I had them
leashed and followed beind them!..

Just thinking aloud Adam

stratoc

my 3 7 year old angel fish keep me busy enough, now if they could talk...........