Introvrtd1

I dont ask, as if I dont know,

I ask as if in wonder.

Why panic and anxiety turns against some of us?

I mean, anxiety in its rightful form, is a warning mechanism. When we are in or sense danger, anxiety gives us the strength to flee, or fight.

I've heard stories of amazing feats of strength during times of trouble, desparation, fear, and danger. It doesnt happen for all, but for some, anxiety helps the body become super-human.

I remember a tv show back in the late 70s, early 80s about people, who for example did the impossible to save a loved one.

Unfortunately, when no danger is present, anxiety attacks can be devastating.

This may explain the feeling of wanting to run whenever panic/anxiety strikes.

Run? But to where?

Thats just it. There is no where to run. There is only the feeling of losing control. Going crazy.

I imagine walking thru the woods, and coming face to face with a 10ft grizzly bear. Slowly I turn......step by step........inch by inch,

I walk away, then.................RUN LIKE HELL!!!!

Anxiety would give me the strength and stamina to outrun that monster, or at least get to safety.

Why do we feel that way just sitting in the safety of our living room, bedroom, home, work, car, elevator, store, mall, beach, vacation, park, or doing whatever, whenever????

Oh, the irony.

Then theres the settling down point, when the danger is past. The feeling of relief, calm.

The only relief I feel after an anxiety attack is the anticipation of another attack. Therefore, I am in a hightened state of awareness at all times.

Sort of like having anxiety on simmer, rather than a full boil.

sigh

I used to think I was the only one. Though there are many here among us, its still a lonely disease.

.............This is such a drag.............

bluenena

"Sort of like having anxiety on simmer, rather than a full boil. "

I feel your pain Intro. Even though you feel alone we are here for you as much as possible...

I also have been very anx. today.

How was you weekend?

Introvrtd1

Thanks Blue,

This is such a drag..........I feel like crap.

I got the jitters. For some reason my ears feel hotter than the rest of my body. Why is that??

Im at work today talking to a coworker and suddenly I felt a panic attack coming. As I listened, I just kept acknowleging the conversation with, "right", "uh, huh", nodding my head a few times. All the while I was ready to take off running.

Thoughts of getting away raced thru my head. But I just hung in there. He didnt suspect a thing when we finally parted.

Imagine being able to "see" how a person in the midst of a panic attack feels. Even if they show no signs; sitting perfectly still; but going thru a tremendous attack.

Hoo boy.

Fortunately I felt pretty good over the weekend. Sat nite, I steamed crab legs for the family.

Slept pretty good too. I like when weekends go that well.

Here it came, mon morning at work. By early afternoon, I was a nervous wreck. Still am.

I normally hit the gym evenings on a work day. Think I'll go later today. I wont overdo it. I sometimes feel worse when I do. For the most part, exercise makes me feel better. 20-30 min on the bike with a tv screen is my favorite. Time flies when something good is on.

As I read and post, Im starting to calm down a bit. I popped a vit C a while ago. That usually helps too. CalMagZinc is another multivitamin I like to pop. Its good for the nerves and usually calms me waaayy down. B-complex is my other voc (vitamin of choice).

The nice thing about vitamins is they are not in the least bit addictive, no side effects (only good effects), and good for you. Medicine on the other hand has side effects (usually bad), and yes, it helps, but can be addictive.

sigh

So I ask myself sometimes, why............why...............why...........is this protect mechanism we call anxiety so out of whack for me????

Its like my anxiety mechanism has short circuited and is out of control.

I am coping quite well without meds. I was on paxil back in '96, for about 3 months. The side effects were horrible. It took about two weeks for the paxil to work. When it did, boy, oh boy, oh boy.

I went from being quiet, shy, panicky, full of anxiety to arrogant, strong-willed, flirty, and waaaay too assertive. During that phase, I had to take a good long look at myself. I mean, I felt good, but I didnt want to be cured at the expense of ruining my family. I became quite annoying.

Paxil made me feel like the king of the world. Like I could not be beaten. I wanted to go bungy jumping, mountain climbing, skydiving, and all the other dangerous life risking adventures.

I went from a chicken to an EAGLE in two weeks.

Dont get me wrong, being an Eagle is a good thing. I was just going about it the wrong way.

ramble.............ramble...............ramble.... ................ramble.................

I decided to wean myself off the paxil. I've done quite well with using cbt to cope. Besides, my panic/anxiety is nowhere near the intensity or frequency it used to be back then.

The way it stands now, I totally understand what is happening outside the attacks. When it does occur (very seldom), my coping skills get me thru, but easier said than done.

Introvrtd1

Up at 4am this morn.

Yeah, kinda rested, but I normally get 7-8hrs sleep. Now Im getting used to 4-5hours. Sometimes 3-4.

Lately, Ive been waking up with a nervous stomach. As if to anticipate something about to happen.

Im sure you've been there. It starts with a little anxiety, then the racing thoughts, more anxiety, more racing thoughts, vicious cycle, vicious cycle, ...................WHAM!

Panic attack.

Aches, pains, worry, thoughts, its all in there.

Where it comes from, who knows.

Ive learned to panic. I need to unlearn. Ive taught myself to respond to racing thoughts and anxiety with panic. I need to teach myself to respond positively to racing thoughts and anxiety.

Its going to take some time, but................................

Feeling kinda hoaky for now.

Im glad its raining out.

Least I have something to look forward to during the day.

I have a lot to do today. I look forward to the end of the day when things really slow down, everyone has gone home, and I can begin to unwind.

For now, I'll just have to hang in there............

Introvrtd1

Well,

The clock is about to strike. The building is full, and guess I'll finally open the door to my office. Here we go.

Gotta run.

Introvrtd1

Finally, the end of the workday is here.

Yeah, there are a few diehards still in their offices. Only difference is, Im in mine and stopped working. Im reading and posting.

Like I said early this morning. I really calm down once the race is over.

Yep, calm. Feels nice.

The next challenge is bedtime, when I try and fall asleep.

I never know how it turns out till I get there.

Lilya

Hang in there, Intro.

Some people swear by this combination: Cognitive Therapy, AA and Tai Chi.

I´m going to try it when I´m home. This stress is just not worth having, when you know the difference like I do today. The relief, the fun, the energy.

Until then,

Love and light.

Afraid2Succeed

My aunt and uncle have been going to AA for decades, and they said that alcoholics are generally 'sensitive', which to me can mean 'anxious'. It's comforting to know that there are others, in fact millions of anxious people out there trying w/e they can to self-regulate their nervous system. The people without overworked NS are lucky, imo.

I heard one patient tell me they felt they had a tiger by the tail. I cannot imagine feeling that anxious!

Introvrtd1

Well, sleep was superficial last nite. Not deep, or refreshing. Just shallow.

At one time, felt like I was choking.

Woke up just in time to breathe. (Man, what was that all about??)

Felt really sleepy alll day long..........Tonite should be better.

Im ready for it.

Introvrtd1

Guess some of us have a predisposition to being the nervous types imo.....

Just have to live with it and cope.