DaVinci2

I had a long chat with my doctor yesterday who introduced me to a social worker. He really believes the root of all my current anxiety is my mother-in-law who causes my wife serious stress, which my wife is able to release by getting angry, crying etc. while I have to be 'strong' and not cry and be the referee. Anyways, since money is an issue seniors homes in Japan have been a bit of an issue, especially since we not only want to put her in one, but we also want to leave the country. Anyways, yesterday was a 'good' day since we were kind of heading in the right direction...but today I woke up just not feeling good. I took my meds last night, but it seems like they've already left my system. I have to take them again in a few minutes...but I'm just wondering if others have had issues where just some days, for no reason, their meds haven't helped them for that day (or a few days maybe)...here's hoping they work soon!!

PaperDolls

I'm not familiar with your meds but I feel that way some days too. I think it's just.......sometimes we have good days and sometimes we have bad days. It's obvious you're going through some stress so it's normal for you to feel anxiety I think. As far as you having to "be 'strong' and not cry and be the referee".....get over that....you can cry and get angry too. You're feelings are valid. It's good to cry sometimes. May be it will make you feel a bit better.

hugs.

DaVinci2

If I breakdown, my wife will think it's her fault and more drama will follow. That's why I stay strong. When I take a shower, or before I go to bed and I have some 'alone time'...I might cry, or pout, or pray...it all depends.

PaperDolls

I understand what you're saying but you should remind your wife that it's not her fault. I have a hard time admitting when I'm feeling depressed or anxious or something's bother me. But when I do, I feel a little less "heavy".

Live

Davinci,,,,definate yes here. Outside stressors can definately overide the meds.
I think what the social worker said sounds really right on.
yes, the stress hormones that the meds are treating can run on extra high and over run the meds.
Has happened to me lots.

DaVinci2

I've been saying to her that it's not her fault, been nice about, been angry about it and everything inbetween. No matter what I say or do, it's almost as though she looks for a way to make things her fault (Or at least her eyes make it seem that way).

Today I had a really stressful, albeit good day, at work. I started working in a church here in Japan doing wedding ceremonies. I went in for training and tomorrow is my first wedding. Normally there is far more training involved but they don't have enough ministers, everyone left for the summer, a bit of a problem for the companies that run the show, so I am going through the steps VERY quickly.

I wanted to come home, and see my wife (Who had a day off) happy and supportive. Instead I saw that she was in a bad mood. Apparently, when I called from the train station 10 minutes out, my mother-in-law started to do her exercises (Something she promised to do during the day). Essentially, she didn't do them and knowing that I was on my way home wanted to do a couple of things (In 10 minutes) so that she could say she did SOMETHING. This pissed off my wife. I didn't find it to be that big a deal...but I dealt with my mother-in-law. I then came into the room and said "All is fine, nobody is hurt, let's enjoy the rest of the day. How about we go out for dinner." And I get the "I'm lazy" speech (As in she feels lazy). She has no reason to...but she puts all this self-guilt on herself. Then I can't relax...knowing I have a wedding the next day makes it even harder to deal with. The anxiety DEFINITELY over-rode my medicine. I pretended to sleep until she slept. I couldn't deal with it.

If I had tried to make things better with words, she would've cried, not been able to see the silver lining in all of this, and then more stuff would be brought into the picture such as "We still haven't done this, or that. We forgot to do this. Next weekend we have this to do and I'm not ready." All of which I will assure her will be OK. What I really want to do is say "Shut-up and realize I have a really rough day tomorrow and show some support this way." BUT if I do, she then would reply "See...just me sitting here is stressing you out.

It's almost like a vicious circle. I can't leave my wife...I can't confront her for fear of pushing her over the limits of what she can tolerate mentally. My plan is to wait and see what happens with her mother and go from there. Until then, as dangerous or stupid as it may sound, I'll keep these feelings bottled up and cry in the shower or late at night while riding my bicycle.

Lilya

Hi, DaVinci.

Just wanted to send you some comforting thoughts. For sure, sometimes the stress is so great, the medication doesn´t work. I have experienced it many times.

You are in a difficult position, but please remember that all periods pass and come to an end. I know how family stress can be difficult. Usually, if you try to be patient and try to find some inner peace (I know it sounds easy, difficult to do), even if the situation is impossible, go back to basis and take some time alone. Look at step 1 and 2.

When I do my step work, I write down the situation I need a solution for and a small prayer. I put the paper in my special box ( sort of like my jewellery box) and know it´s in my Higher Power´s keeping. I have a sentence I choose from the Big Book or a spiritual book of my choosing, and I use that sentence as a refuge while I wait for the letting go process to continue.

After some time I gain a new insight to the problem, or the problem is solved. When we think too much about a difficult situation, it will soon look hopeless. If you distance yourself from it, it might look more manageble.

Wishing you the best of luck,

Love and light