DaVinci2

Just when I thought things were going well. Today I woke up at a normal time after a good long sleep. I got up, did some photography stuff, cleaned up a bit. Nothing much happening during the day. My first lesson was at 5pm. Easy stuff for 1hr and 15 minutes. Before going, I started to get anxious and figured that since I was going to be on my bike going from one place to another after that first lesson (Other lessons) I would do as my doctor said and take the benzo (low dose of 1mg.). It seemed to work as my first lesson flew by. Went to my second lesson and about 20 minutes into it I felt that 'heart attack' feeling like my heart sank into my stomach. I felt a pinch in behind my left shoulder blade...of course from there my mind was focused on myself and not my student. I kept my composure, but it was rough. My student wore a wrist watch which I would glance at every few minutes. Those last 40 minutes were SLOOOOOW!! I was feeling hot and sweating even though most were feeling a bit cool since it was getting dark. I wanted OUT but stayed. When the lesson ended I was happy to see an email saying that my last lesson had been moved to Wednesday. However, the panic remained. I took another 1mg of the benzo and got on my bike. I kept imagining talking with a therapist, what I would say and trying to imagine what his/her responses would be. It's kind of therapeutic for me.

I'm at home now, my brain is feeling the benzo (As in my mind is calm) but I still feel a pinch in my back. Why would I concentrate on that pinch? Because last time I was in the hospital thinking I was having a stroke (Sometime ago) the doctor also checked my heart out. I asked why, and he mentioned "Because you said you had a pain between your shoulder blades." I always remembered that and now when I feel it I add the "OH NO, heart attack" feeling to it.

I hope my wife comes home in a good mood, because I don't think I can deal with things if she decides to complain about something (She complains about work etc...her form of therapy for herself...) I'm fine with listening, but not today. At the same time, I don't want to tell her about what happened today because she's off on a business trip for 2 days in Tokyo and I don't want her to worry.

I might ask my doc to raise the Paxil to 20mg...I'm not sure that would do the trick though. I must say, the whole time I thought "OK, this is a panic attack. I'm not gonna die...just get through this." But then..."...wait...what if THIS is the real deal and I just sit like an idiot and die?"

cyberwolf

How are you now Davinci2?

I can SO associate with you. I woke up today with a really positive outlook, reading a wholelot of stuff about anxiety. Phoned docs to ask if I coulod take 5-HTP instead of efexor as was worrying (shock) about side effects of Efexor, but havnt taken 1 yet even tho doc said it was ok, as I am worried about what they will do to me. I can't get beyond that and although I am not in a full blown panic attack I feel like I am sitting on the edge of one.

Despite 3 succesful trips to the shops in a week I am relucytant to go out in case the panic comes on and yet my book says you should do a little thing everyday to reinforce it is only panic and your thoughts that make the body do all the physiological stuff, trembling sweating chest muscles tightening pain etc etc . I thankfully as yet have never had severe chest pain but I get the real feeling I am away to pass out and I visibly shake, so worry I am having a diabetic/epileptic fit (neither of which I suffer from)

I am working really hard to control this and if I get any answers I will be sure to pm you, in the meantime my doc told me that if you think you are going mad you are not, if you can pick up the phommne and call a friend you are not having a stroke and if you can run round the block/or up a flight of stairs you are not having a heart attack. I don't know that this post will be any help to you except maybe a small comfort to say I know what you are going through and every last bit of it is horrible. It will pass (I don't believe it when people tell me that either!). Take care

cyberwolf

Hi again Davinci,

Just read an interesting article on a different site

"Put hands together (as if praying), bridge your hands so just fingertips touch, then gently tap the fingertips together - say to your self "calm and relaxed, safe and secure". This is quick EFT which won't attract any attention and you can do it anywhere to bring down stress levels and nip panic in the bud. Try it."

This was about how to bring a panic attack under control if you know one is developing.


Maybe worth a try?

DaVinci2

I'll try....

My panic attacks usually happen right before or during work.

Amanda930

Do u feel stressed at work? Do u have any problems at or with work? Maybe thats why u get anxious. I wish I had more to say or some kind words or thought knowledge but I'm sorry I dont...you are in my thoughts and prayers.

DaVinci2

Well, on that particular day I had a grand total of 2 lessons. That is a really easy day. I usually look at it like this "I can sleep in, take my time getting up, do my stuff...then I go and teach a couple hours to 2 students I like, make good money that goes towards whatever, go home and relax." The next day (Today) is a bit longer, but still not exactly rough. I teach English, 1 on 1, to mostly kids. The kids I teach are well behaved because mom is usually in the next room. I do get bored sometimes when I think to myself "This is the millionth time I've had to teach the alphabet." but it's my job. I won't be doing it forever. I plan to continue with my photography when I get back to Canada. I work, but not nearly as hard as many others. I make decent money doing very little. It's not always fulfilling though.

Long story short, it wasn't work that set it off. I don't know what it was. I should say I don't THINK work is setting me off. I woke up today still feeling a bit sore around my chest, stomach etc. After lunch (A nice lunch) I felt better. I'm feeling fine now, but I think tomorrow I'm going in for an EKG anyways, just to be safe. Apparently they can somewhat determine whether or not you've recently had a heart attack too...which would be nice to know.

GingerM

DaVinci - first and foremost, I am not a person in the medical profession, so take everything I say with a boulder of salt.

That being said, I also landed in my doctor's office thinking I was having a heart attack, and it was all stress (we upped my meds a smidgeon). I did a lot of online research as the symptoms of heart attacks in men and women are quite drastically different.

From what I remember reading, the pain in the back during a heart attack is not a sharp pinching pain like you described, but a dull throb, more like someone punched you between your shoulders. I would take a wild guess that you either got a pinched nerve from the position you'd been sitting in, and that triggered the anxiety, or you got a muscle cramp and that triggered the anxiety. Both of those will cause sharp pains like you described.

I'm not offering solutions, just saying that the pain you described is not common for men and heart attacks. You may want to do some reading on the internet - it provided a TON of useful information for me (like, depending on which study you read, anywhere from 40 to 80 percent of women who have had heart attacks never reported any pain at all during the episode).

I wish you peace during your lessons tonight.

Paulos

Wow I'm sorry davinci, you know, this anxiety/depression cycle we're all going through.... some is minor, some is meager, some is moderate, some is major, some is incredible, some is fatal... and all of it is difficult. I'm not going to bull crap you, sometimes medications have their flaws and anxiety can strike no MATTER WHAT you take, like Benzo I use only *well sort of* when I only have my anxiety... is that what you're on? I'm on Xanax, 2mg a day.