my first writing
Bree
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Prairieville, Louisiana
Posts: 26
my first writing
my name is Bree. I was diagnosed on December 15th 2006, at the age of 18, with Major Depression Disorder, Panic Disorder, and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I lived with an alcoholic father my entire life who abused me verbally, mentally, and eventually physically. I myself turned to drugs when I was only 13, and they numbed the pain up until now. I'm on medication: I take Xanax 2.0 (1 time a day), Paxil 60mg, Trazadone 150mg (to help me sleep).
I thought I had my life right on track at 18. I was an overachiever who was in college while attending highschool, and did so much on the side for college, highschool, and kept a job while doing it all.
The next thing I knew my thoughts just got worse. The panic attacks got worse. I had one in the middle of my work at a child development center and had to be taken to the doctor. I always knew something was wrong, but when you actually hear it, it's not so easy to deal with. I was supposed to go for Cognitive Behavioral Therapy 5 months ago, but my family hasn't had the money to get me there.
On top of all that, two days after my diagnosis, my father came home so drunk and began screaming at me and scared me so bad that I couldn't even turn away from the corner of the room I was in. His voice was so intense I thought he was going to hit me again. I left on Dec 20th for a christmas visit, and decided to not go back. I lost my car, all my belongings, and now I'm where I am. Still in college. No car, 19 and being dependent on other people. I've never been dependent. The nightmares don't stop. But the panic attacks have gotten better.
I feel I'm rambling. I'll stop for now..
replies on any experiences or advice will be appreciated.
I thought I had my life right on track at 18. I was an overachiever who was in college while attending highschool, and did so much on the side for college, highschool, and kept a job while doing it all.
The next thing I knew my thoughts just got worse. The panic attacks got worse. I had one in the middle of my work at a child development center and had to be taken to the doctor. I always knew something was wrong, but when you actually hear it, it's not so easy to deal with. I was supposed to go for Cognitive Behavioral Therapy 5 months ago, but my family hasn't had the money to get me there.
On top of all that, two days after my diagnosis, my father came home so drunk and began screaming at me and scared me so bad that I couldn't even turn away from the corner of the room I was in. His voice was so intense I thought he was going to hit me again. I left on Dec 20th for a christmas visit, and decided to not go back. I lost my car, all my belongings, and now I'm where I am. Still in college. No car, 19 and being dependent on other people. I've never been dependent. The nightmares don't stop. But the panic attacks have gotten better.
I feel I'm rambling. I'll stop for now..
replies on any experiences or advice will be appreciated.
Last edited by Faith2Change; 05-10-2007 at 01:36 PM.
On The Bus
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Brattleboro, Vt.
Posts: 484
Bree
Welcome to Sober Recovery. I am sorry for all your pain. I cant imagine what it must be like to get screamed at by someone that drunk.
I really dont have much to say, except this should be the happiest time of your life and this is very sad what you are going through.
Any chance of finding a battered womens shelter? There must be someone out there that can help you, a friend, a relative, a minister, somebody.
Please keep posting, people on these boards will offer you lots of support and maybe even some helpful suggestions.
Bree, please keep posting. Mike
I really dont have much to say, except this should be the happiest time of your life and this is very sad what you are going through.
Any chance of finding a battered womens shelter? There must be someone out there that can help you, a friend, a relative, a minister, somebody.
Please keep posting, people on these boards will offer you lots of support and maybe even some helpful suggestions.
Bree, please keep posting. Mike
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