DaVinci2

I feel like I'm dealing with 2 illnesses at once. Mine and my wifes. If you've read my post on my wife, you'll know what she's going through. She is not happy even with everything she has. She says it's because she doesn't love herself. I'm looking into getting a councelor or therapist that will visit our home one day. She won't go to one. She says that "It costs money, and it takes away from work days or my days off (Which she spends trying to do house work)".

Today, she went off at her mother again. I had to step in and tell her to leave the room. I then asked her if she would call one of her friends and go out for coffee or dinner with them. I explained that I would love to go, but that I don't know that she would be open about issues she might have with me. She tends to keep whatever is bothering her inside and then it comes out in anger. Anyways, I tried to get her to go out and enjoy an afternoon while I stayed home and cared for her mom and cleaned. She just said "Just leave me alone. I just need to be alone."

My first reaction was to NOT leave her alone. I felt as though it was just abandoning her there with cleaning. When I expressed my concerns as her husband, she told me "Not to worry. I just need to be alone." She says this as she tries to pull back tears. What do you do in this situation? Do you leave, or do you stay?

And, about the cleaning. I won't say anything to her because I know it would just upset her, but by the end of the day she will have re-organized more than cleaned, and everything will be basically just as clean as it was in the morning...and she'll feel as though she accomplished nothing. I help with what I can as far as cleaning goes. There are still things I'm 'not allowed to do...' because I don't do it 'the right way'...which sucks because if I knew the right way I'd have everything cleaned before she wakes up in the morning.

I think this is almost like a cycle that's getting worse for both of us. She gets angry and stressed, which I then put on myself because it kills me that she's that way, then she's upset because she feels she's the cause for all my health problems and feels worse, which then makes me feel worse...and it goes on like that.

She won't go on meds. She says she's going to see a doctor, but she hasn't mentioned a date to me yet. I will be looking for someone on my own though.

best

Sometimes it is a faith issue and some times it is a med issue and sometimes it can be both. As husbands... most times we need lead by example and just continue to love them the best way we know how.

DaVinci2

Sometimes I don't know how to love her best...by just letting her be, or by moving close to her even when she says she wants to be alone. I'm torn between both...

best

A good rule of thumb... Listen when they talk.

Us guys tend to give solutions. You ask a question, I give an answer.
I ask a question you give an answer. We understand each other.

Women don't work that way. They ask a question (share a problem) and most times that is all they are looking for...someone to listen as they dump out the bad thoughts or emotions of the day. They are not looking for answer as we would be. They are looking for... "I understand" Yes that is stressful" "You worked hard, why not take a rest?" Will they rest? Maybe not but they will feel better because we listened and tried to understand what their day was like.

When she says...just leave me alone... maybe ask if she wants to share what is bothering her... and then "just listen"
If she says no just get away from me and leave me alone... In a soft loving tone agree to her request but first ask.... Well can I have a hug first?
Such little things show them that we care.

DaVinci2

Well, I don't know that that is always true with my wife. She's looking for answers. I had a chat with her tonight and hopefully we can get ourselves on the right path to a healthier relationship.

ccgirl

I personally hate it when my husband tries to give me his answer. It's true; most women just want to be heard.