psychosymantics

I just feel so crazy. I had such active younger years, I feel tired now, I have no ambition, I have so many dreams but I just seem unable to set goals and be consistant with them, I lose interest so quickly I cry too much, I have a beautiful loving boyfriend and I feel like such a failure compared to him and I don't deserve him because of this, I constantly wonder what I'm doing in this life. Why am still here? I have spiritual beliefs. I dream dream dream of what I want and how happy I can be, but I have no motivation to do any of it. I feel like I'm just going to fade away. my body has gotten fatter and has made me more tired, my bones are weak and my muscles have no strength, I feel if I keep on this way I will end up with serious medical problems. I joined a gym and still haven't gone. I have a "been there done that" attitude. I really do want my dreams to come true, I'm just a-motivated to actualy do something about it. I'm so depressed. and can't shake the funk.

historyteach

Hi, psychosymantics;
And welcome to SR!

While I'm not a doctor, it does seem as if you're depressed. Only your doctor can say for sure, though, so please go talk to him/her about these issues. Depression is nothing to fool around with.

In the meantime, you are in Seattle Wa, and if I remember correctly, that's a rainy place to be. It's also in the dead of winter. It's dark and gloomy. Seasonal Affective Disorder, (SAD), is a common ailment for many of us. So, take heart in that this can be a short term condition,and easily treated. You can look up light therapy; that has a very effective rate of help for many with SAD.

Also, be sure to do small things for yourself each day. Take care of yourself physically, (eat right, exercise), mentally, (learn something new), emotionally, (Pamper yourself; affirmations), and spiritually, (reconnect with the One or meditate.) Every day do something in each catagory.

I KNOW you don't feel like doing anything. Try to do one thing then. Start small, and build up. As you become successful in one area, it's likely that you'll add more. Nothing breeds success like success!

So, what ONE thing will you do today?
(Other than call your doctor?)
YOu could learn about the light therapy....

Please let us know what you've decided to do for yourself, and how you're doing. We care...

Shalom!

ccgirl

sounds like clinical depression to me.

psychosymantics

Thanks for taking the time to read, you are right about this being a grey area, seattle that is, I will certainly look into light therapy I almost forgot about that aspect of these parts.

I will surely post updates.
thank you.

historyteach

Good to hear from you, and really glad you're going to look into things that may help.

Shalom!

elizabeth1979

psychosymantics hello!

You know, I went through this more than once. I just wanted to share in case its not SAD.
For me it was part of my anxiety disorder. I literally was too afraid to do anything. Start anything, finish anything, was just not motivated to do anything at all.

Just another view..maybe anxiety has contributed to the depression??

Welcome and keep us posted!

Bozo

Its good to have you posting in these forums, anxiety and depression, and all the other various forms of them, it is good we can try to help each other in some small way to walk through these illnesses. Mike

psychosymantics

You are correct I have horrible anxiety to the point of agoraphobia.
It's frightening, my assumption is because I was overexposed as a child, sexualy abused and pretty much raised myself and was homeless at 14-17yrs old.
Now I just want to relax and take time away from the "horrible" world.
I want to be creative and write and do arts and crafts but I'm horrified at not being "an active part of society" and becoming too eccentric to relate.

elizabeth1979

Oh, me too some days! I struggle with perfectionism and not feeling good enough and like Im never doing enough, or doing what I 'should be' doing.

One thing that has helped me is to remind myself that just doing a little bit of something is OK.

I may not be working in a capacity that some would see as 'productive' but Im doing what is productive for ME and thats ok!

psychosymantics

That is difficult to accept but I get it, and I definately need to be more lenient with myself and let me flow at my own slow pace.

I just need to talk to my boyfriend about respecting those aspects of myself. since he gets frustrated at my mellow roll, I've never actually talked about my on-going depression/anxiety although he has seen me in a manic stage I don't think he understands it or he doesn't give feedback.

I'm going to take him to Zenith Supply which has amazing array of light therapy items and aromatherapy kind of things and I'll set the moment up with that.

thanks for the help, lastnight/this morning was getting to me a bit.

psychosymantics

I still can't seem to get out of this funk.
I feel like I need someone to drag me out of my room and give me a good whipping to get me motivated. I stayed up till 6am this morning. whats up with this? I don't want to get fatter. my body aches as it is. it's a sunny day, I missed all of it.
I'm just wasting away. fuuly aware of my own demise.

historyteach

Have you spoken to your doctor yet?
I honestly hope you do. There's no reason to waste your life away.

Shalom!

psychosymantics

I don't have a doctor, I'm horribly poor right now. I'll try and find one I went to a while back, she was nice. they do alopathic and homeopathic methods too.
I'm so anti drugs though and thats usualy the problem with alot of doctors that I have.

psychosymantics

First day in a while that I woke up before 2pm.
I even stayed up late.
I was woke up by someone offering me a job...thats a good morning I'd say.
Our one year anniversary is coming up Wed., we're going to a Snoqualmie falls and the location of our first date. So romantic.
How I could I ever be so sad with a man like mine?

shonk52

i'm new to this (had originally found this site when looking for something for codependency), but was happy that there are posts for depression/agorophobia. I was diagnosed w/agrorophobia 25 yrs. ago, at which time they didn't know much about it. It's a wierd "disorder", isn't it? It goes away, and then all of a sudden comes back to the point it's plain disabling. About 3 1/2 yrs. ago, I was totally blindsided by severed depression, and have been in a funk since then. i know a lot of what contributed to the depression, and the agorophobia is definetely genetic in my family. but i'm just tired! i know what you mean about not having any energy. when i was first diagnosed w/the agorophobia, i fit the "profile", one of the traits being perfectionism. i believe i've tried every antidepressant known to man, cognitive behavior, and counseling up the wazoo. i've worked since i was 14, as an adult a lot of times 2 jobs, and was always such a productive person. i've lost 4 jobs in 6 years due to the fact i'm too depressed to make it there, and when i do, have panic attacks so bad i can't stay. i went inpatient for a week in july, and was better i guess, for about a month, but then my drug addicted son got worse than he's ever been, my family (siblings) all have issues with it being in my "head", and sometimes i feel like i can't do it anymore. my addict son does a trip on the depression, i know that, but i'm about tempted to try electroshock--that's about all i haven't tried! i haven't done anything socially since 08/03! i don't even work now, and seldom leave the house. i've applied for disability, which was hard as i've never asked anyone for anything, but i guess i paid into it for 40 years, so if they approve it and i need it temporarily, i guess that's what i need to do. my first ex-husband passed on 11/06, and i couldn't even go with my sons to help them through the process of disconnecting life support and watching their dad die (my sister was really upset with me, but if she only knew how hard that is for me---i can't go across town, let alone even ride in a car for 3 1/2 hrs.!). my body is healthy, and i feel like it's being wasted on me, because my head is such a mess. i enjoyed my time at the hospital, because i got to concentrate on myself, instead of trying to fix everybody else's world. at $1000+ day, i only stayed 6 days. i've been temporarily approved for medicaid eff. 3/1, so will be heading back if it's covered. i want my life back so bad! just to be able to go for a walk, or shopping, etc.----what a treat that would be.
sorry----didn't mean to make this all about me! guess where i was going when i started this bio of my life was that i certainly understand what you feel like to have trouble getting motivated to do anything! and mental illnesses seem to not be tolerated by society---guess it's hard for people who haven't been there to understand! good luck, and prayers that you find help!