Adore

Hi, new to this forum and just feeling cr#ppy after my boyfriend of 5 years tells me yesterday, sounds like you're going through emotional problems, let's talk when you're through it!

I've sort of had depression as my "base" and it rears its head off and on. Somehow I take charge and forcibly get through without true underlying healing...

This time, I'm willing and want to face myself. I need more than just a small change to solve this issue now, and i realize i have a lot of work to do to get help and get healthy.


But, it hurts to see that my significant other is abandoning me at this time. I am real angry at him and I pushed him away somewhat because I feel from the past that he does not really support me in this struggle...and he has never really wanted to acknowledge my struggle because I think he feels scared of the commitment it may take on his part to stick with me through this...I can't help feeling he is a coward and jerk for abandoning me though at a time like this...


Well, sorry to be a victim...Thanks for letting me share...

Bozo

Welcome! I know exactly what you are talking about. I have a woman in my life that wont even support me if I am sick in bed with the flu. I am looked down upon as being "weak".

I'm not happy about it, not happy at all. I could go with a list including not being supportive of just about anything that might make me happy and fulfilled.

Ive finally given up, this person is never going to change, or so it seems. So I just say screw it and take care of myself to the best of my ability.

IMHO, when you get right down to it, we are really alone in this world.

I would ask a Higher Power for strength and try not to dwell on the boyfriends shortcomings. BTW, I agree with you, but what can we do?

historyteach

Hi, Adore;

I'm sorry you're dealing with an unresponsive S/O. But, it's really great to see that you're ready and willing to tackle this demon head on. We're here for you.

Please remember, you cannot change another. YOu can only do what's best for you. In doing so, that may be the best thing for your relationship. Just look after your own best interests now... You deserve it!

Shalom!

reader

Welcome Adore. have u tried a support group. Some larger areas have great groups that meet weekly. Personally, I would not ask him for support, he is only making u feel worse. Are u near a shelter, ours are always looking for volunteers to walk dogs and/or socialize cats. I find my pets to be my best friends they always love me and don't mind coffee breathe. My birds try to steal my coffee even though they know they are not suppose to have it. You are not alone and I am only a type away!!!

Bozo

Now THATS funny!!!!!!!!!!!

hope3

Hi Adore, welcome to SR. I am glad you are Quote adore "This time, I'm willing and want to face myself. I need more than just a small change to solve this issue now, and i realize i have a lot of work to do to get help and get healthy."

Thats the most important thing, sorry your S/O isn't behind you on this right now but hey we all fear something. You realizing you need more than a quick fix is real brave. Best wishes, hope3.

ccgirl

Last April, I tried to commit suicide. Ended up in a psych hospital for a week. My husband and I were NOT getting along. He was quite mean and not understanding about everything.

About two weeks later in the middle of yet another fight, he casually looked over and said "So you gonn slam down another handful of pills"

We started couples therapy the next day. I told him we had to or he was out the door. Our relationship is 1000% better. He is kinder and so am I.

I don't mean to go on and on, but it is the only way I have to say that it can get better. Your boyfriend had to want it to, as do you. I'd give it a try. The worst that can happen is you might realize it's over; the best, it can get so much better!

Adore

Wow, cc girl. I am amazed that the relationship turned around like this. That is amazing! I am just afraid I cannot trust my boyfriend to that extent. I guess I am afraid to find out the relationship is over and I'm not sure I want to do that to him as well...

He is a nice guy, pretty much. He has handicaps emotionally and I know that. I'd like him to be there for me but he has so much going on right now in his own life.

We are not married for whatever that is worth. I am trying to justify his behavior I guess.

I'm just not sure what I am going to do about the relationship really...time will tell. It is not good for me to throw it away immediately so I won't do that...but long-term I'm not sure...

You folks are so supportive and awesome It's a privilege to be here. Thanks everyone for the wonderful support!

ccgirl

Adore, I don't know how much this had to do with it, but my husband and I have been married for 20 years and have two little girls. Maybe the fact that we've been together for so long had something to do with it.


And believe me, it didn't happen overnight. It took around 3 months of intensive therapy before he started to come around.

Adore

Thanks cc girl. If people don't mind, I'm going to use this space to continue sharing my feelings about this relationship and my life...I'm worried people will be bothered but it's something I feel would help me so here goes...

When i first started to get in touch with my anxiety and depression it was harder. It gets a little better and I find it's better when I am doing things and it is worse when I am alone. But after spending time with people, I feel tired and also, i find people just add to my baggage! they say something that i want so badly to speak out against and i have to keep my mouth shut. they don't meet my needs. that is so frustrating about this relationship and all of my relationships frankly. i think i am going to reach out to my friends more for support. it is something i need to do..

this guy and i coudl be so much closer but instead we are not. I'm setting a boundary with this person that is for sure. I feel I used to really push us to be close and now I am sitting back and letting him do the work, if he wants to...i am not about to to go jump on him for our relatioship to work...

I just wish we coudl be closer. I miss him terribly. Out of a 100% intimacy emotionally, we are at like 10 or 15%. It could be so much more. How can I get it better! I feel so frustrated I'm not getting my needs met by people...I need to reach out more to others. If not this guy than another person...

Thanks...