Someone please read...I just need some help
BeautifulChaos7
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: New York
Posts: 8
Someone please read...I just need some help
Hi...um well...I think i have Borderline Personality Disorder. I was diagnosed with Bi Polar by my psychologist becuase since i am only 18 she said she only diagnosed BPD for "adults" and so she just dismissed it and diagnosed me with Bi Polar. I have read alot into both and I definatley think that BPD is more me than Bi Polar. I have always been the type of person who could put on a face...and make it seem like i was okay when really everything was falling apart. I always have intense mood swings...which unlike Bi Polar happen so frequently i can have up to 10 in one day. And they happen in a split second. Another characteristic of BPD is intenses fear of abandonment and i definatley have that...I am also paranoid and have a fear of being betrayed (especially in relationships). One more big characteristic of BPD that i have is the inability to consistanly feel love from people if they aren't there. That actually shocked me when i read it because I have had that problem for a long time and i always wondered why i felt that way...like if my boyfriend isn't with me telling me he loves me...I just can't feel it. It's like if he's not right there telling me and showing me affection than it doesn't feel real. And I can't seem to think about everything a person has done. Like if there is a problem i only think about that and i can't grasp anything else taht the person has done except the thing they did wrong. This is really hard for me to handle....especially since I'm still a teenager and in High school none the less! I also have a bad habit...i cut myself...I have for about 2 years and i just can't stop...i feel like the only way to relieve my anger and pain is on myself. And usually I don't intend to kill myself...just to cause myself pain. Even though when I'm doing it there really is no pain...I feel numb and so i just cut and scratch and well anything else i can do and it makes me feel somewhat better at the time. Well....I don't know what anyone can do about it but if you have any advice please feel free to share it with me...i need it! Thank you so much!
~BeautifulChaos7~
~BeautifulChaos7~
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Seattle Washington
Posts: 50
get a second opinion. preferably from someone with a lot of experience dealing with individuals with bi-polar/BPD.
mention the concerns you have... with the diagnoses.
also, realize that many people read over diagnostic criteria & self-diagnose. misdiagnosing often happens both with professionals & non-professionals. there are a lot of factors that go into a diagnosis it's not only the dsm list. esp with personality disorders many of the criteria are "normal" it's how they manifest & such that makes the difference between "normal" & not. kind of like how so many health things have "headache" as a symptom... if that makes sense.
too, it's more being able to find effective treatment of the symptoms & causes... than any specific dx. luckily in many ways bi-polar & BPD can be treated similarly because some symptoms can overlap in some people.
anyhow, good luck.
sorry things are so rough for you atm
mention the concerns you have... with the diagnoses.
also, realize that many people read over diagnostic criteria & self-diagnose. misdiagnosing often happens both with professionals & non-professionals. there are a lot of factors that go into a diagnosis it's not only the dsm list. esp with personality disorders many of the criteria are "normal" it's how they manifest & such that makes the difference between "normal" & not. kind of like how so many health things have "headache" as a symptom... if that makes sense.
too, it's more being able to find effective treatment of the symptoms & causes... than any specific dx. luckily in many ways bi-polar & BPD can be treated similarly because some symptoms can overlap in some people.
anyhow, good luck.
sorry things are so rough for you atm
On The Bus
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Brattleboro, Vt.
Posts: 484
Welcome
Welcome to the SR Mental Health forums. There has been a great deal of posts addressing your concerns. Perhaps do a search of this forum and hopefully you might find some answers, I have to go to work now, but I can help you with the search later if you would like. Mike
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Staying Clean
Posts: 35
BPD and Bipolar overlap in terms of symptoms, however the treatment of either is different. For example, a BPD is more likely to get an anti-depressant (SSRI), while a Bipolar is more likely to get a mood stabilizer.
You sound closer to BPD (like me), but you also have Bipolar traits (also like me). You may have to do a little trial-and-error to find which meds work best for you.
I find I have trouble getting close to other people because I depersonalize my emotions. Almost all BPDs dissociate. Try to pull yourself into the moment and tell yourself "this is real", instead of just dissociating. Don't know if you've ever had drug problems, but weed and dissociatives (go figure!) make this worse. People who dissociate tend to cut more, it releases endorphins and creates a natural high. You can get addicted to this. I've never had a cutting problem, although I've been close, I always used drugs for my endorphin fix.
Whenever you feel like cutting try going for a run for at least 15 minutes. I mean it! Running releases natural endorphins, not to mention makes you healthier. Run a little more each day. Soon you will turn a bad habit into a good one. I'm serious just try running. Can't hurt, right?
You sound closer to BPD (like me), but you also have Bipolar traits (also like me). You may have to do a little trial-and-error to find which meds work best for you.
I find I have trouble getting close to other people because I depersonalize my emotions. Almost all BPDs dissociate. Try to pull yourself into the moment and tell yourself "this is real", instead of just dissociating. Don't know if you've ever had drug problems, but weed and dissociatives (go figure!) make this worse. People who dissociate tend to cut more, it releases endorphins and creates a natural high. You can get addicted to this. I've never had a cutting problem, although I've been close, I always used drugs for my endorphin fix.
Whenever you feel like cutting try going for a run for at least 15 minutes. I mean it! Running releases natural endorphins, not to mention makes you healthier. Run a little more each day. Soon you will turn a bad habit into a good one. I'm serious just try running. Can't hurt, right?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: QUEENS, NY
Posts: 200
Hi there,
My boyfriend has bi-polar and borderline personality disorder.
I see most of the symptoms you have described in him often. He is on medication and works with a therapist and shrink.
I would recommend a second opinion as people can have both.
I think its great that you have sought help for this, things will improve when you start treatment.
Love, Rose
My boyfriend has bi-polar and borderline personality disorder.
I see most of the symptoms you have described in him often. He is on medication and works with a therapist and shrink.
I would recommend a second opinion as people can have both.
I think its great that you have sought help for this, things will improve when you start treatment.
Love, Rose
A picture's worth a 1000 words
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: With any luck, I'm lost in a view finder
Posts: 2,954
Hi BeautifulChaos7 and welcome to SR...
i'd like to address several points in your post:
1. A lot of us learn quickly in life how to put on that face to 'appear' all is right as rain, when we are falling apart....has little to do with mental illness and more to do with coping skills learned throughout our lives.
2. Intense mood swings are very much a part of bipolar as are the quick swings from high to low...there are 3 types of bipolar and you are describing a rapid cycler like myself. I've gone from talking and thinking a mile a minute to going near comatose and studdering, barely able to finish a thought or sentence .... and all in the same sentence. Like a flip of a light switch...and it happened about 20 times that day. That was the most extreme i've ever dealt with because usually I cycle like a sliding scale....back and forth, up and down and only when the tears start rolling after me laughing not long before do I even realize i've cycled.
3. I have tons of paranoia...some warrented, some not really, but many bipolars deal with it as well....and some can have episodes of psychosis -- which is why those often are mis-diagnosed as being psychotic.
4. Fear of abandonment - i've heard it mentioned in connection with BPD, but more so it is a common issue with co-dependents....and there are tons of us running around in the world. Look to your family and personal history. Look for substance abuse issues like alcohol or drugs...or gambling or any other major issues among your relatives. I'm also betting you've had some abuse issues as a child or young adult. These are all breeding grounds for co-dependency and that affects our lives and our happiness in so many undescribable ways....including strong fear of abandonment. And even more so if like me and you actually had an absent parent growing up and there was no 'real' reason for them to not be in your life. Same goes for the betrayal....it comes from the same roots.
5. BPD is more like YOU haveing trouble feeling love or caring for others...not the way you describe of having trouble feeling loved by them. I may be off on this one, but it seems to me that you are dealing with issues of self-worth and truely not believing you are lovable and that people can actually love you UNLESS they are constantly affirming that to you. I know this all too well. That isn't BPD....this again goes back to codie issues of lack of self-worth through your own eyes, but instead needing it through others. It's hard to get our heads wrapped around the concept of co-dependency at first as we have lived our whole lives with all this 'stinking, thinking' that we just accept it as normal.
6. It's also natural to focus more on what a person has done that has injured you than to keep fresh all the good things they've done. It's a way of self-preservation. If the bad things didn't stand out to us then we would keep getting hurt over and over by the same people doing the same things. It's up to you to decide the level of the wrong and if it is something you can forgive the person for or not. If not, then that's not a bad thing...it just means you have strict bounderies as a protection mechinism for yourself. The bounderies may be too tight, but that can be worked on easier than tightening up loose boundaries, in my opinion.
7. Cutting - don't think of it as a bad habit, but rather an unhealthy coping skill you've developed. It's a way of releaving the pain you have inside by focusing on physical pain. In my case of self-injuring it's also the way that I confirm all those old horrible messages I got growing up that I am worthless and deserving of punishment. On the other side, it's also a way I give myself the attention i don't get from those i need it from (or did growing up). It has become a type of nurturing for me. It's natural TO ME, but very unhealthy and something i still struggle with and which escelates when i'm stressed and depressed. I also don't tend to feel the physical pain when I self-injure....we become numb to it somehow.
7. Advice....continue learning about the roots of what all you are dealing with...the more you learn about everything the more you can learn to work around it or even let some of it help you in your life (I know that sounds odd, i'm sure, but my bipolar disorder has naturally provided me with gifts I wouldn't have otherwise....but it took me a long while to recognize and accept this part). See a therapist you feel good about...as often as possible. Work on your self esteem and self-worth. Take any meds you are prescribed...as they are prescribed. And excersize can be as affective as meds...especially when depressed (which is also the hardest time to make yourself be active). It doesn't take a lot either....just 30 minutes of walking a day (3 days or more a week). AND watch your sleeping...too much or too little sleep can accompany the depression. No sleep or very little for more than a day or two often comes with the mania. And be mindful that bipolars are easily irritable in either mood state (and especially if experiencing a mixed episode).
Group therapy can be miraculous for helping bipolars and co-dependents alike. Alanon is a place that can help teach about codie issues. DBSA (Depression Bipolar Support Alliance) has group meetings weekly all over the country and I think their website is www.dbsa.org. Also check out www.nami.org (national alliance of mental illness).
Hope I haven't overwhelmed you with all of this....it's just great that you are getting treatment and diagnosis while still in your teenage years...it can greatly enhance the quality of life during your 20s and 30s to know what you are dealing with. Also, be careful of addiction issues....we are easily addicted to any number of things.
Hugs and welcome...glad you found SR,
Jenna
Well....I don't know what anyone can do about it but if you have any advice please feel free to share it with me...i need it! Thank you so much!
~BeautifulChaos7~[/QUOTE]
i'd like to address several points in your post:
1. A lot of us learn quickly in life how to put on that face to 'appear' all is right as rain, when we are falling apart....has little to do with mental illness and more to do with coping skills learned throughout our lives.
2. Intense mood swings are very much a part of bipolar as are the quick swings from high to low...there are 3 types of bipolar and you are describing a rapid cycler like myself. I've gone from talking and thinking a mile a minute to going near comatose and studdering, barely able to finish a thought or sentence .... and all in the same sentence. Like a flip of a light switch...and it happened about 20 times that day. That was the most extreme i've ever dealt with because usually I cycle like a sliding scale....back and forth, up and down and only when the tears start rolling after me laughing not long before do I even realize i've cycled.
3. I have tons of paranoia...some warrented, some not really, but many bipolars deal with it as well....and some can have episodes of psychosis -- which is why those often are mis-diagnosed as being psychotic.
4. Fear of abandonment - i've heard it mentioned in connection with BPD, but more so it is a common issue with co-dependents....and there are tons of us running around in the world. Look to your family and personal history. Look for substance abuse issues like alcohol or drugs...or gambling or any other major issues among your relatives. I'm also betting you've had some abuse issues as a child or young adult. These are all breeding grounds for co-dependency and that affects our lives and our happiness in so many undescribable ways....including strong fear of abandonment. And even more so if like me and you actually had an absent parent growing up and there was no 'real' reason for them to not be in your life. Same goes for the betrayal....it comes from the same roots.
5. BPD is more like YOU haveing trouble feeling love or caring for others...not the way you describe of having trouble feeling loved by them. I may be off on this one, but it seems to me that you are dealing with issues of self-worth and truely not believing you are lovable and that people can actually love you UNLESS they are constantly affirming that to you. I know this all too well. That isn't BPD....this again goes back to codie issues of lack of self-worth through your own eyes, but instead needing it through others. It's hard to get our heads wrapped around the concept of co-dependency at first as we have lived our whole lives with all this 'stinking, thinking' that we just accept it as normal.
6. It's also natural to focus more on what a person has done that has injured you than to keep fresh all the good things they've done. It's a way of self-preservation. If the bad things didn't stand out to us then we would keep getting hurt over and over by the same people doing the same things. It's up to you to decide the level of the wrong and if it is something you can forgive the person for or not. If not, then that's not a bad thing...it just means you have strict bounderies as a protection mechinism for yourself. The bounderies may be too tight, but that can be worked on easier than tightening up loose boundaries, in my opinion.
7. Cutting - don't think of it as a bad habit, but rather an unhealthy coping skill you've developed. It's a way of releaving the pain you have inside by focusing on physical pain. In my case of self-injuring it's also the way that I confirm all those old horrible messages I got growing up that I am worthless and deserving of punishment. On the other side, it's also a way I give myself the attention i don't get from those i need it from (or did growing up). It has become a type of nurturing for me. It's natural TO ME, but very unhealthy and something i still struggle with and which escelates when i'm stressed and depressed. I also don't tend to feel the physical pain when I self-injure....we become numb to it somehow.
7. Advice....continue learning about the roots of what all you are dealing with...the more you learn about everything the more you can learn to work around it or even let some of it help you in your life (I know that sounds odd, i'm sure, but my bipolar disorder has naturally provided me with gifts I wouldn't have otherwise....but it took me a long while to recognize and accept this part). See a therapist you feel good about...as often as possible. Work on your self esteem and self-worth. Take any meds you are prescribed...as they are prescribed. And excersize can be as affective as meds...especially when depressed (which is also the hardest time to make yourself be active). It doesn't take a lot either....just 30 minutes of walking a day (3 days or more a week). AND watch your sleeping...too much or too little sleep can accompany the depression. No sleep or very little for more than a day or two often comes with the mania. And be mindful that bipolars are easily irritable in either mood state (and especially if experiencing a mixed episode).
Group therapy can be miraculous for helping bipolars and co-dependents alike. Alanon is a place that can help teach about codie issues. DBSA (Depression Bipolar Support Alliance) has group meetings weekly all over the country and I think their website is www.dbsa.org. Also check out www.nami.org (national alliance of mental illness).
Hope I haven't overwhelmed you with all of this....it's just great that you are getting treatment and diagnosis while still in your teenage years...it can greatly enhance the quality of life during your 20s and 30s to know what you are dealing with. Also, be careful of addiction issues....we are easily addicted to any number of things.
Hugs and welcome...glad you found SR,
Jenna
Well....I don't know what anyone can do about it but if you have any advice please feel free to share it with me...i need it! Thank you so much!
~BeautifulChaos7~[/QUOTE]
On The Bus
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Brattleboro, Vt.
Posts: 484
Jenna
The above post was amazing. The thoughtfullness, consideration and compassion come shining through. It is incredible how much you too have grown, thank you, it was so good to read this post. Mike
Powerless in California
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Northern California, CA
Posts: 1
I'm having the same problem with my therapist right now too... These days doctors are so quick to diagnose someone bi-polar because there are so many degrees of it. I swear, we addicts probably all have SOME symptoms of being bi-polar. I agree with what someone else said above that you should seek a second opinion... especially before getting on any meds for it. Good luck, I'm here if you need me to talk.
love,
deee
love,
deee
On The Bus
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Brattleboro, Vt.
Posts: 484
Hi Dee!
Originally Posted by deeeCA 
I'm having the same problem with my therapist right now too... These days doctors are so quick to diagnose someone bi-polar because there are so many degrees of it. I swear, we addicts probably all have SOME symptoms of being bi-polar. I agree with what someone else said above that you should seek a second opinion... especially before getting on any meds for it. Good luck, I'm here if you need me to talk.
love,
deee
love,
deee
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