I need some support; recovery, anxiety, life.
lead keeper of the bees
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: West Coast
Posts: 19
I need some support; recovery, anxiety, life.
Hi, it's been a while since I've posted here, but I have some things going on that I know I need to open up about.
I am a recovering addict/alcoholic, and I have not been going to meetings for a number of months, mostly due to anxiety/OCD. I've also been extremely involved with my work (although I have my own issues, I am able to work at a mental health facility without being affected too much by my anxiety/OCD, as it centers mainly around social situations).
As it stands right now, I parted ways with my old sponsor because she simply could not understand/empathize with the fact that it is EXTREMELY difficult for me to be in many social environments (including meetings). My support group is also pretty limited due to this (as with most things, the anxiety/OCD comes and goes at different levels...sometimes it's not a big deal for me to go out and do stuff, and other times it's literally a nightmare).
So while I've been thinking about how I need to apply the first three steps to my anxiety, etc., I've been having some serious issues at my job that are beyond my control (and have nothing to do with my own mental health).
I have been a dependable and empathetic employee where I work for almost two years, and for the past five months I feel like I have been doing everything I can to keep the place together, as we have had a major change in staff and administration and I've been the only person to stay. We've had two different administrators in the last five months, and I've done more than my share of other people's work while the new staff/administrator learn their responsibilities.
Our new administrator has already fired two people who have both been with the organization for years, and seems to be instilling an environment of fear and suspicion with everyone who works there. As a result of all this, my hours have been cut, I'm now working between two different facilities, and I feel really screwed over and taken advantage of.
Anyway, my real point is that I know I will have some serious anger, hurt, disappointment, etc. when the feelings really start to kick in, and with my social phobias and mild OCD it's extremely hard for me to get out to meetings where I feel comfortable, and find support.
I guess what I'm getting at is that I have a lot going on right now, my feelings/anxiety are getting really stirred up, I'm obsessing about the situation, and I don't want all of these things to come falling down on me at once and cause me to relapse.
If anyone wants to share their success stories (or their journeys) about dealing with recovery, mental health issues, and hard realities in life that everyone experiences, please share your feedback!
Thanks for being part of my recovery
I am a recovering addict/alcoholic, and I have not been going to meetings for a number of months, mostly due to anxiety/OCD. I've also been extremely involved with my work (although I have my own issues, I am able to work at a mental health facility without being affected too much by my anxiety/OCD, as it centers mainly around social situations).
As it stands right now, I parted ways with my old sponsor because she simply could not understand/empathize with the fact that it is EXTREMELY difficult for me to be in many social environments (including meetings). My support group is also pretty limited due to this (as with most things, the anxiety/OCD comes and goes at different levels...sometimes it's not a big deal for me to go out and do stuff, and other times it's literally a nightmare).
So while I've been thinking about how I need to apply the first three steps to my anxiety, etc., I've been having some serious issues at my job that are beyond my control (and have nothing to do with my own mental health).
I have been a dependable and empathetic employee where I work for almost two years, and for the past five months I feel like I have been doing everything I can to keep the place together, as we have had a major change in staff and administration and I've been the only person to stay. We've had two different administrators in the last five months, and I've done more than my share of other people's work while the new staff/administrator learn their responsibilities.
Our new administrator has already fired two people who have both been with the organization for years, and seems to be instilling an environment of fear and suspicion with everyone who works there. As a result of all this, my hours have been cut, I'm now working between two different facilities, and I feel really screwed over and taken advantage of.
Anyway, my real point is that I know I will have some serious anger, hurt, disappointment, etc. when the feelings really start to kick in, and with my social phobias and mild OCD it's extremely hard for me to get out to meetings where I feel comfortable, and find support.
I guess what I'm getting at is that I have a lot going on right now, my feelings/anxiety are getting really stirred up, I'm obsessing about the situation, and I don't want all of these things to come falling down on me at once and cause me to relapse.
If anyone wants to share their success stories (or their journeys) about dealing with recovery, mental health issues, and hard realities in life that everyone experiences, please share your feedback!
Thanks for being part of my recovery
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Staying Clean
Posts: 35
My anxiety has always been horrible. Sometimes it got so bad I couldn't leave my room.
A lot of times in crowded places, I'd just freeze up. My mind would start working over time and I couldn't even hold a conversation. I'd feel like an idiot.
I self-medicated with xanax, a powerful anti-anxiety medication that increases GABA in the post-synaptic gap (like alcohol). Soon I became addicted, I think any naturally anxious person would also. This ended badly when I began to pass out in the middle of the street and steal other people's things. Although it did stop the anxiety for a couple months...
Of course, eventually I built up tolerance, where I needed 6 pills just to feel normal. Withdrawal was a hell I'll spare describing here, suffice to say it involved hallucinations.
I've been clean almost a year of all benzos, and 6 months of all drugs and alcohol. Meds can help a lot with anxiety, I recommend finding a good pdoc, instead of self-medicating. Tell him you don't want any benzos (unless you suffer acute panic attacks which you probably don't).
The worst thing about social anxiety is I find it impossible to make friends. Before my anxiety onset, I used to have plenty of friends, I was even president of my high school class. It is unclear to me whether the drugs came before the anxiety or the anxiety came before drugs, or whether it was a synergistic demise.
Either way, I HATE anxiety. I'd trade almost any other problem for it. Everyday is a battle I must fight my anxiety-driven cravings with logic. I tell myself it is only my over-zealous amygdala trying to help me. Well, sorry for the tangent. Hope you can relate. Please reply.
A lot of times in crowded places, I'd just freeze up. My mind would start working over time and I couldn't even hold a conversation. I'd feel like an idiot.
I self-medicated with xanax, a powerful anti-anxiety medication that increases GABA in the post-synaptic gap (like alcohol). Soon I became addicted, I think any naturally anxious person would also. This ended badly when I began to pass out in the middle of the street and steal other people's things. Although it did stop the anxiety for a couple months...
Of course, eventually I built up tolerance, where I needed 6 pills just to feel normal. Withdrawal was a hell I'll spare describing here, suffice to say it involved hallucinations.
I've been clean almost a year of all benzos, and 6 months of all drugs and alcohol. Meds can help a lot with anxiety, I recommend finding a good pdoc, instead of self-medicating. Tell him you don't want any benzos (unless you suffer acute panic attacks which you probably don't).
The worst thing about social anxiety is I find it impossible to make friends. Before my anxiety onset, I used to have plenty of friends, I was even president of my high school class. It is unclear to me whether the drugs came before the anxiety or the anxiety came before drugs, or whether it was a synergistic demise.
Either way, I HATE anxiety. I'd trade almost any other problem for it. Everyday is a battle I must fight my anxiety-driven cravings with logic. I tell myself it is only my over-zealous amygdala trying to help me. Well, sorry for the tangent. Hope you can relate. Please reply.
lead keeper of the bees
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: West Coast
Posts: 19
Thanks, Consilience and Bozo!
I know exactly what you mean, Consilience! Before my anxiety attacks I was outgoing, friendly, etc.. I can still be that way sometimes, but at other times it is an absolute nightmare!
I take 300mg of Effexor everyday, and my psychiatrist and I agreed that lorazepam can be used in case of an anxiety attack, but I only get 10 tablets every month, so I can't abuse it. But still, worse than the actual anxiety attacks is the constant anxiety just by itself. The feelings of self-consciousness, the desire to disappear if I have to walk past a group of people waiting for a bus (I live in the city), and the way that my face can inexplicably turn crimson for no apparent reason at all when I am talking to people.
It's weird that I can actually talk myself out of an anxiety "attack", because it's so extreme that I know it's not real....but, the general anxiety that I feel constantly when I'm around people just cannot be reasoned with!
I've been reading a lot about it lately, and I guess that the thing to do is not beat ourselves up about the anxiety or try to suppress it...that's a hard one for me to wrap my mind around, but I'm giving it a try!
Thanks for your feedback and support!
I know exactly what you mean, Consilience! Before my anxiety attacks I was outgoing, friendly, etc.. I can still be that way sometimes, but at other times it is an absolute nightmare!
I take 300mg of Effexor everyday, and my psychiatrist and I agreed that lorazepam can be used in case of an anxiety attack, but I only get 10 tablets every month, so I can't abuse it. But still, worse than the actual anxiety attacks is the constant anxiety just by itself. The feelings of self-consciousness, the desire to disappear if I have to walk past a group of people waiting for a bus (I live in the city), and the way that my face can inexplicably turn crimson for no apparent reason at all when I am talking to people.
It's weird that I can actually talk myself out of an anxiety "attack", because it's so extreme that I know it's not real....but, the general anxiety that I feel constantly when I'm around people just cannot be reasoned with!
I've been reading a lot about it lately, and I guess that the thing to do is not beat ourselves up about the anxiety or try to suppress it...that's a hard one for me to wrap my mind around, but I'm giving it a try!
Thanks for your feedback and support!
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