pam5817

my son is on methadone one year now. he relapsed last week to heroin. He used twice that I know of.

I drive him everyday to methadone. He totaled his car. His checking account is bounced. I am losing my house. I have taken equity out of my home as a single parent 3 times to help him and now I cant afford it anymore. My house is for sale.

He wrecked my car last week nodding out on methadone.

I found two crack pipes in his room last night.

He is bipolar, and has obsessive compulsive disorder. he has no health insurance. He has no medications. His father was very abusive to him his entire life, which is why i am divorced.

Long story.

Im at the end of my rope. Three long years of this. I am sick. My psychiatrist and doctors have told me its REVELATION Time. They have told me I cannot save him. They have told me to let go.

I want him out of my house but at the same time I am scared he will die . He has no friends but heroin users.

He just got food stamps last week but hasnt helped yet. I cant let him use my car. Mysterious numbers are calling my cell phone, drug dealers, asking for the BOY in the RED CAR, they say.

Im having a terrible manic depressive relapse. I cant get out of bed in the morning and face the day......Im broke, losing my house, cannot afford my own medications, and I cant eat. I have lost 22 pounds.

Sometimes, he cries, Mom i love you, i dont want to hurt you. He claims he has severe pain. He claims he cannot see correctly. I took him to 3 eye doctors, a neurologist, and 3 psychiatrist, they all say ITS IN HIS HEAD, that he has a mental illness.

I called police, they took him to the emergency room, he told the Psychiatrist in the emergency department, that he was fine, that it was ME, his mother, who was crazy, and had him admitted for dumb reasons. They believed him and let him out.

RIght now, Im driving him to methadone, im paying 80 bucks a week for his methadone, yet he has smoked crack cocaine, and shot heroin. He had a job offer and turned it down -- said he cant work, cuz he has anxiety attacks. Im like YEAH?? cuz you smoke crack maybe?

He was a straight A student. never fit in with the crowd, the athletic kids or anything. He was a computer freak. My ex always hated that about him. Hes been severely abused, yes, but hes 21 now, and I feel he should let his past go and stop using it as an excuse to use drugs.

I even found him a social worker to work with him, and help him get psychiatric care and help, maybe even some free medications, and stuff, and he doesnt wanna go or talk them, and fears me telling them the TRUTH about him. He calls me names, like **********, and *******, and says F you mom, when things dont go his way. Then he cries like a little baby.

He breaks into my bedroojm at night and crawls into my bed, and says hes scared, hes 21 !!!! says he is dreaming that perople are shooting heroin into him.


Is it time to really just kick him out?

I feel like Im going crazy, all because of my son.

Some people say I am only prolonging his funeral. I dont know what to do .

ranae1221

((((pam)))) What a difficult position to be in.

Only you can decide when enough is enough. But in my own expierence, no one is going to change when there is no reason to. I read a post one of my first weeks here that was a huge help to me, and helped me to realize that if I loved my family member, I had to make them face the consquences of their choices. I had to let him hit rock bottom, and let him choose recovery.


I don't know how to add links to this post, but I would strongly recommend you go to the family and friends/Nar-anon posts and read some of the stickys there.

BSPGirl

That's really rough but I noticed this: when ppl really have to do things on their own, that means totally without any involvement of their parents anymore, they're more capable of doing things. Ya see if you don't help him out financially he might realize he just HAS to work and not smoke crack. But still it's a tough situation to get your hands off of your son.

Marte

Fernando

Hi there Pam. My name is Fernando and I'm a recovering cocaine addict and also Bipolar. I smoked crack throughout the 90's and nowadays when I relapse I buy a twenty of powder and that is my limit. I know it's still wrong and that the fact it's powder doesn't make it any better but that's just my current situation.

I had a brother four years younger than I who was killed in an automobile accident after binging on crack for 3 days so I will NEVER use it again. I know that.

You have got to ask God for strength from above and let your son choose his own path. When it comes down to coke and hero people who try to help you just end up enabling you to do it more frequently.

I know it's difficult and that you are suffering but my advise to you from this side of the fence (a recovering user) is to let go completely. Don't give him even a glass of water if you see that he needs it because he will just end up using you and destroying you.

My rock bottom was seeing my brother's brains splattered all over the street. My mother still has difficulty with letting go even now that I don't use and this is a cause for resentment from me... that she actually facilitated my addiction for almost five years.

Let go. Let God.

ccgirl

My best friend is going through a similar situation. She finally made her daughter leave her home and stopped giving her money. She realized after all those years she was enabling her.