upanddownjj

OOOOO....I am still so nervous and undecided about this...I am to phone this morning to confirm that I will go Wed am for a treatment..The Dr. says I should start with just one...and lets see if it works to stop the cycling and the body pain...I will lose my memory of Tuesday and be confused for a while as well as a lot of "stuff" coming up...

The "stuff" coming up didn't bother me last week, but since the "arm grabbing" incident (my Mom-childhood abuse)I posted yesterday I have had spurts of REAL RAGE coming up....

I live alone with my beautiful dog & am not alowed to drive after the treatment, so will have a friend drive me there & pick me up to bring me home...I guess I am afraid I will be crabby with my dog or forget to feed her or something, mind you - she will let me know if she is hungry....

I guess I'm just venting my fear of this LONG HELD RAGE that I have never been able to let out...maybe it is time...but i am nervous of being alone with it...I think my Dr. will be there after the treatment tho...

Fear of the unknown - what is new

The sooner I get it over with, the better I guess

upanddownjj

Just got a call fm ExBF who had the Stroke & I've been caring for his medical situations Specialists etc..since he is re-learning speach etc and not too clear yet...

Anyway - he had a seizure last night & when I told him about Wed he said - oh no Neurologist appt 10:30 Wed...Just another example of how my health has been on the back-burner for 3 yrs...

Not that big a deal I guess - I can go on Friday..but won't remember my Doc appt on Fri then...and maybe not what happens at Ex's Doc appt - I guess I'll write his stuff down..

MagdaM

can't he find someone else to take him? sounds like you need to be taken care of too and don't need to be putting yourself out for someone else.

good luck w/the shock treatment. id like to hear how that goes. and hey have some fun the day before, you won't remember so hey.

upanddownjj

Nope - I am his sole caregiver - He lost his speech with his stroke and is re-learning and his speech is going downhill right now - I am the only one who understands him - so I have to interpret, plus I am the only one who knows his whole medical picture, stroke, seizures, severe central & obstructive sleep apnea (sleeps with a machine or will die) All these things are life threatening...I am feeling guilty thinking this is my only way out...
I have it in my God box to please help me find a way out..(Death)
He has a sister who won't help..She nursed her husband to death with Lou Gerigs..so I kind of understand...I begged her for respite when I was living there - No Luck_ Never came to the Hospital until I told her the Doctor wanted me to get a Power of Attorney and I phoned her to say I was uncomfortable with that...she was there in 5 mins...
I Finally moved out..but still help with medical..she takes him for groceries and thats it..she is in denial about his condition.
But Jim won't even write a will, so If he dies, she gets everything & I'm HOOPED..
But I wouldn't want anyone to abandon me...so I stay

I know that for my health I have to leave him....Just can't

I've changed my treatment to Friday...Maybe I should go have a dirty liason on Thurs..you are right, but I have issues there too...Darn !!
The only vice I have is cigarettes which will be on the way out too once the Doc gives me the OK (stable enuf)

If I come on here when I get home Friday..Hope I don't say anything wierd..Pls forgive me if I do - And pls remind me when I come back to earth Ha ha....

Now this has turned into more of a Coda thread than Mental Health - Oh well - I qualify every where.....But I'm still a great Girl (said over and over under breath !!!!)

Thanks for your support...I really need it - I have WAY too much on my plate !!!!!

Janni

shutterbug

Janni...from everything I've read and from the informational classes I took from a ECT doc while I was in day treatment....it's not a definete that you will loose any of your memory. My pdoc (this one who does ECT that I've refering to) said most people just loose memory of about 20 minutes prior to being put to sleep for the ECT. I know it's different in all cases and you never know, but if this doc is telling you that you will definetly loose a whole day of memories then I would be sure and check his background and maybe call another doc who does ECT to ask them about this stuff too. This is a major procedure and you don't want some half wit doc who may have barely made it through med school performing this. I'm not trying to scare you, I just want you to make sure you feel comfortable with the person performing this. I know that somewhere on the MSMBC web site...they have a link to find top docs and to also look up to see if your doc has had any disciplinary actions ever taken.

it's worth checking out.

Hugs and I have faith that with the right doc this can be a VERY good thing for you!

upanddownjj

I think that's just one of the worst case scenarios.. My doc isn't doing it..We have 2 Specialists here that do it..I met the woman who will do it..she gave the second opinion and feels it will help too...

I think they have to tell you the worst case scenarios for legal reasons...

I did meet a girl who had it done and for her too many things came up - she doesn't have recovery and was new in therapy, so it scared her..I've done a lot of work and have my AA. She looked pretty "stunned" the first time I saw her, but a week or 2 later she looked fantastic !!!

I think each person would have a bit of a unique experience..
But for me I think it will be worth it..Glad to hear that 20 mins might be the norm.....Thank you !!!!

BSPGirl

This whole thread scares me...

Marte

upanddownjj

I know it does Marte..You have had some bad experiences..It is not like that here in Canada....Bless you

13NRcrew

FWIW, I've had ECT done several years ago while IP. I do not regret getting it done, as I was hallucinating and suicidal (read: psychotic depression). I was not afraid of getting ECT because the alternative was death; so the risks meant nothing to me.

I can't tell you how much memory I lost, it is not easily quantifiable. I did keep a journal during that time, but I have not read it since (still I keep it for the day I am ready). I also had a difficult time laying down memories after my series of treatments - I don't remember how long that lasted. I don't remember it, but others told me I had a difficult time getting back into the swing of things when I got back from the hospital. (I do remember little things though, like sitting down in front of my computer and just staring at it because I couldn't remember how to turn it on.)

Everyone's experience of ECT is different. For me, I believe the memory loss was worth it (given the alternative). I doubt you will know how much memory (if any) you will lose; probably not much with just one treatment. The memory loss (or any of the side-effects of ECT) is usually progressive with the more treatments you get.

I don't know what else to write. If you have any questions I'd be happy to answer them for you. Good luck on Friday! Like I said, one treatment probably isn't that much to worry about in terms of memory loss. You'll do great.

upanddownjj

The worst case scenario side effects they discribed to me are pretty much the side effects that I have had from my depression and meds..
I'm not in the depth right now, but pretty incapacitated due to the rapid cycling, lack of energy and motivation..and it is getting worse..Also the upcoming season (depression starts getting worse in Sept.) I have never felt this bad in the summer except when I was in "The Hole" for 4 yrs....
Hopefully it will prevent it and "snap me out of where I am now..I would really like it if I would take away the constant body pain that I have lived with for 10 yrs...I've heard that often will happen..
I hope that the laying down of memories you spoke about doesn't happen - I rely on my memory for my career and am having focusing problems now..I've put the whole thing in the hands of my HP - we'll see...
I may have to put it off again..I forgot I'm supposed to chair an Alanon meeting on Fri am...so unless I can pass that off - I'll have to wait 'till next week..I really need to get it over with - I HAVE to get back to work ($$$$) Thanks for sharing your experience !!!!! Janni

MagdaM

I really wanna know how this turns out. It sounds like ECT would be ridiculously scary but I never knew anyone who had it so I wanna know if it works...

Good luck man, I hope everything goes really well and you're not nervous or anything.

upanddownjj

OK Magda - I'll keep you posted ....If I remember you - Ha ha ha !!!!

If I do forget..You can check with my friend Zoro - unless I forget how to use computer temporarily or my PM...as someone said...I'll post as soon as I'm able...xo Janni

Lilya

Best of luck to you.

I wrote about ECT elsewhere so I won´t repeat myself, but I know many people who have benefitted tremendously from it. In fact, many artists in France prefer it to meds. I also worked in a mental hospitals and one of my duties was to take people to have the treatment. I never saw a case go wrong, and the positive change in people who received it was amazing. They have all made new lives for themselves and it seems to work long-term.

If my meds fail and if I get serious depression, I won´t hesitate even one day. I will have ECT.

My thoughts are with you, let us know!

Love and light,

sofoclese

Good Luck Janni

shutterbug

Mainly ECT is scary to us because of all the old movie images in our minds and even movies like Frankenstein...and of course real-life horror stories of what ECT patients endured in the early beginnings of using it. But just look at any other medical treatment through history and you will find the same scary beginnings. For example, during the civil war, docs in the field were mainly limb choppers. If someone was shot in the leg....the limb was sawed off like a tree trunk...AND WITHOUT ANY NUMBING MEDS. The person was awake and feeling it all while several people held him down.

It's was said then that, "A good doctor is a quick one." You can see why!

ECT is no different in the milestones that have been made since the beginning...as any other medical precedure. Surgeries are now much less frightening today b/c we have developed meds to knock people out during the most painful part - the actual surgery.

Same is true for ECT. Now, the person isn't awake and they don't feel the ECT any more than a heart patient feels the knife cut into his chest. Now THAT would be scary, but it's more accepted so even the heart patients themselves have less anxiety about it.

Someday...

it will be the same with ECT.

Hugs and I pray all went well today.

Live

I had a bipolar friend who underwent ECT. He found them most helpful.

upanddownjj

WOW !!! Thank you SO MUCH for all of your support - you know I have a lot of shame around this and there are not too many places that I can talk about it. People always react negatively..
Had to take my XBF (who had the stroke) to his neurologist today so I rescheduled to Friday..have to see Family DR in am tomorrow to get ECT and rush it over to psych & get all the paperwork over to the hosp...There are only 2 Dr's that do it & I said I would only have it done by the woman Dr. who gave me the 2nd opinion...She was SOOO thorough and I couldn't believe how insightful she was and how complete her report was to my dr...she had things in there that I didn't even remember telling her..Now I want someone like that - Who listens !!!!!!
I am not afraid anymore - just looking forward to having it finished - maybe I only need one...My psych said we'll start there and that may be it....
Hopefully I can get all the paperwork & tests done tomorrow & won't have to reschedule AGAIN...wonder why it's so easy to reschedule


Thanks again for all your support....I really need it in this area...
It's really hard for me to ask for it..I'm usually the "helper"


Janni

13NRcrew

If you are really worried about your memory, I would suggest taking a small notebook and a pencil with you where ever you go. Write everything down. Who knows, maybe just writing it down will help you remember. It's all albout getting the short term memory into long term memory; if you can do that, they should be able to stick there.

If we do the footwork, our HP will do the rest. Writting everything down may be overkill for just one treatment, but why take the chance? Do what you can and everything will work out the way it's supposed to.

upanddownjj

Well - It's confirmed 7am - Westcoast time Friday(tomorrow)...I've just found out that it will not be just one treatment, it will be every Friday for 6 weeks.
And it will be unilateral and that the memory thing will probably be not too bad....
I AM going to write things down tho - Thanks for that good idea..I just hope I remember that I might forget (ha-ha) so that I will write things down ..



^ ^
From TO - Yippee !!!!

13NRcrew

Six treatments makes more sense than just one. I'm glad to hear it will be unilateral; I've heard that is easier on th memory. Good luck, I'll be thinking about you.