Affects on the Adult Survivor

[Morning Glory]

There are a number of common affects that adult survivors of childhood sexual abuse tend to have.

Low self esteem Abuse victims are frequently blamed for the abuse. This leads to the child feeling that they are bad and useless, and only good for sex. These problems live on into adulthood, although the survivor may consciously know this is not the case, in the subconscious it is still believed.

Eating problems Some may develop anorexia, for a variety of reasons. One is the belief that to be any good at the one thing they're good at (sex) they must be thin. Also the issue of control - the survivor feels controlled, but food intake is one thing they themselves can control. Overeating is also often an issue of control. Consciously or sub consciously the survivor may feel that if they are over weight they will be unattractive and therefore will not be abused. Bulimia is also common amongst abuse survivors.

Self abuse Self abuse is the practice of deliberately damaging body tissue with no intention of suicide involved. Methods include cutting the skin with razor blades, knives or broken glass, bruising oneself purposely, scratching until bleeding and burning through the flesh. Sometimes this is done while dissociating, sometimes not. There are many reasons for doing this, often it is a way of transferring extreme emotional pain to physical pain that is much easier to cope with.

Co-dependency This is when one member of a relationship is dependant on something (drugs, alcohol, anger, sex, whatever) and the other member tries to be loving and supportive but just ends up making it easier for the dependant person to be dependant. The co-dependent person ends up getting the short end of the stick all the time, spending their energy being supportive. In the end, neither person is happy. Abuse survivors often fall into co-dependent roles in relationships, because they were forced into this role in childhood.

Obsessive behaviors This is also often related to control issues. Because survivors feel a lack of control over their body, they can become over controlling/obsessive over other areas of their life. Some people become obsessive organizers, workaholics, etc. Some turn to drugs or alcohol as a way of controlling their moods and emotions.

Nightmares Nightmares are frequently associated with sexual abuse, however not all nightmares are about the actual abuse itself. Many people who haven't had nightmares in the past will begin having them when they start the healing process. This is normal and doesn't mean you're going insane. Paying attention to your nightmares can give you clues as to which directions you need to take your healing.

Flashbacks This is one of the worst affects there are. Flashbacks can come in response to a situation that is similar to when you were abused, in response to reading/hearing certain words, watching movies, almost anything can trigger a flashback depending on the individual. At the extreme, during a flashback you relive the abuse situation with sound, sight, smell...all of it. People in the real world can take on the roles in your memories. It is a most unpleasant terrifying experience.

Body memories These can be described as flashbacks limited to a single sense, usually touch. Examples include feeling a hand upon you, even when alone and physical pain when no obvious cause exists. This is up there with flashbacks as far as terrifying goes.

Depression Survivors often go through many bouts of extreme depression, the cause of which is frequently unknown if the person has not yet begun recovery. Mood swings are also extremely common. Many survivors often think of suicide, and many attempt it at least once.

Drug and alcohol use/abuse This is often used as a method to try to forget or cope. Also, as many survivors have very low self esteem, drugs and alcohol can temporarily give them a greater confidence.

Sexual problems Survivors often have trouble forming healthy adult sexual relationships. An irrational fear of sex is common. Forming relationships based on sex is common too, because as children, the idea "you're only good for sex" was impressed upon them.

Missing memories People who were abused once or twice may have shut out those particular memories, but otherwise know what's happened in their lives. People who were chronically abused are often missing months or years from their memories. This is extremely common, as it was the only way the survivor could cope as a child with what was happening with them.

Disassociation Often described as "losing time", dissociation is when your conscious mind stops controlling your body, and some other part takes over. Behaviors vary during disociative episodes. Some people become catatonic, others walk and talk in an apparently normal fashion, yet others act quite differently from their normal. It can last anything from a minute to months, and in most cases the person will not remember what happened during this time.

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) PTSD is an anxiety disorder caused by trauma in a persons life. Although more commonly associated with war veterans, many survivors also have PTSD to varying degrees. Many are undiagnosed and just 'live with it'. Symptoms include many of the ones listed here (especially flashbacks and nightmares), and also others such as aggravated startle response.

Multiple Personalties (DID) Sometimes abuse survivors can split into multiple personalities in order to deal with the abuse. The worse the abuse, the more likely someone is to have developed multiple personalities. Different personas will split off to handle the memories, the anger, and various other facets of the abuse situation. Alters, as they're known, can be all different ages, different sexes, etc. Having DID doesn't mean that you are crazy, it is just the best means you ended up using to survive extremely stressful situations.

[Ninerfan]

Hi MG...Your definition of dissociation seems to describe someone I know. Brief history: After several attempts at sobriety he finally 'got it' and remained sober and active in AA for 11 years. He is an odd sort of guy, who isn't, but we accepted him as is the AA way. I guess he never exorcised his demons. Anyway after 11 years he tried to commit suicide with booze and pills. He is now in a convalescent home and almost completely catatonic. Unable or unwiling to walk or talk, feed himself or take a pee for himself.

My question is what are his chances of coming out of this condition on his own and what happens to people in this condition after they 'come to' so to speak.

N

[Morning Glory]

Hi Ninerfan,

Here is a link that might help.

http://www.ehendrick.org/healthy/000...20&%20symptoms

I'm not sure if the overdose caused brain damage or if it is a mental illness. It sounds like it could be catatonic schizophrenia.

I'm not sure though. I think being catatonic from sexual abuse is a bit different than what you are describing.

Hugs,
MG

[Gypsygirlmom]

OMG MG

I just read this, & alot of it fits. The nightmares, usually falling & being chased, but I don't know by who. And alot of childhood memories are just not there. I don't even know if I want to remember. Why, because I am trying to recover does it have to get worse?

[Morning Glory]

Lisa,

Whatever happens will happen. You don't have to force anything. Just keep doing what you're doing.

Hugs,
MG

[shutterbug]

gypsygirlmom...I was trying to think what kind of nightmares I've had and you reminded me. I'm usually being chased or falling. In the last couple of years they have been fighting dreams where I wake up actually kicking, punching, screaming or all of the above. In the last 2 years I've had two men in my life who were unfaithful and in the dreams I was fighting the "other women." I didn't know why since it was the men I was mad at. I actually punched my ex-fiance in the back one night and another night I kicked him completely out of bed.

I've also had a re-occuring dream since childhood of a monster (almost like a man on fire) chasing me. He blocks me in as I try to escape to up stairs (or down, It's been a while since I've had the dream). I alway woke up when I reached the same spot and had no where else to go. I had completely forgotten about this dream until a few years ago when I had it again. I'm guessing it is related to my uncle molesting me as a child, but I've blocked out much of my early childhood and I'm afraid there is a lot more that I don't remember. I only remember one incident of abuse and then having to physically act it out for my family. I had to show them what my uncle had done to me by lying down on the floor. Which felt more tramatic than the actual mulestation because everyone was looking at me now and I was the one doing the motions.

I have also, within the last couple of years, began feeling more and more uncomfortable around my father. He made a comment in my teen years that had me questioning things for a while, but then all the worry seemed to go away. Lately, it's as if I know he abused me, but I have no proof because I don't have any memories of it...just uneasiness and not wanting to be near him. I absolutely hate it if he tries to hug me or kiss me, which is rare thank God. I'm in the very early stages of all my recovery efforts and am scared of what I might start to remember about my childhood. I also have a feeling that the abuse from my uncle might have been more than a one time thing. (actually I know it was becuase my dad told me a couple years ago that he had been acting inappropriate with me while I was still in diapers and my dad threatened to kill him if he ever touched me again. I was shocked and angered by my fathers non-chalontness in telling me this, because that meant he and the rest of my family had a reason not to trust my uncle but yet we were sent for sleep overs all the time!)

I don't know why I'm telling all this here. I just hadn't gotten that all out so this seemed most appropriate I guess.

The even worse part is that some time later, my younger sister came forward and told about even worse abuse than I endured, by the hand of an uncle on the other side of the family. Everyone told her she was lying and got onto her for it. They said she was making up stories because of what I had gone through. Because she wanted attention I guess. When I was older and she told me what had happened to her (and our cousin who was his daughter) I remembered asking my aunt why all three of them were in the bed room with the door closed. I think I was told they were playing a game or something and I kept asking to go in there. I told my father this during the same conversation mentioned above and he just said, "I didn't know that. No one told me." - there was no exclamation point at the end of his statement, no amount of shock or disbelief. He just continued as if we were talking about the weather almost.

I'm just not sure how all of this has and is affecting me. My sister doesn't talk or deal with any of it. She is forcing herself to appear like she's got everything and everyone under control, but she doesn't and Ive been worried about her lately.

Of course, I'm dealing with recovering from co-dependency, but I have also just started recovery (as much as possible that is) from my bipolar disorder. I have so much on my plate and struggle with the anxiety and stress. Being around people (strangers or slight acquantances) in any close quarters such as going down the isle in a grocery store brings on anxiety. Not extreme, but I've noticed it becoming worse lately. Actually everything has amplified. It's like all these things have been at a nominal hum for years and are just now becoming loud enough for me to notice they are unusual and intrusive.

Anyway thanks for the forum and space to write.

Hi shutterbug,

Does your psychologist know about your past abuse? Has anyone mentioned a diagnosis of PTSD? Did your GP give you a diagnosis of Bi-polar? I read your other post on the mental health board and I'm hoping the psychiatrist can help you with some of these issues. I haven't had time to read very many posts lately so I don't know all the details so forgive me if I've missed some.

I lived in severe depression for many years. This was before they knew very much about PTSD or symptoms from past trauma. Please make sure you let the psychiatrist know about your past when you see him/her.

I just want you to know that there is a lot of hope for your situation. It's a rough road, but there is a way to healing and if you keep searching and working on your recovery you will find the answers you need. It took me 5 years of remembering my past issues before everything lifted and I felt better. I felt so lost and hopeless before I started the process. It's hard to have so many emotions that are free floating with no concrete place to put them. I think that's why I became codependent. I needed to put those emotions somewhere.

I'm really sorry you have to experience all of this.

Sending you hugs,
MG

[best]

A friend of mine and I were talking. The more she shared the more she realized in her own thoughts that she didn't know what real love was. Abused as a child in maners I would rather not post. Raped as a teen and then again as a young adult...
Had no example to show her that she knew of, as to what real love is. By us sitting down and talking I was able to give her an understanding of what true love is.
TV off, phone disconnected, no distractions. Just a one on one talk between to friends. For one hour of her seeing me give my full attention to only her, she was able to see an example. The next time we talked and she could see it wasn't just a one time deal... we repeated from the week before. gave her my full attention. Let her know that someone cares and she was all that mattered for that hour. Her seeing the example before her eyes and having a few days to think on it. She called and started telling me what love is.
Her whole world opened up. Her Dr started reducing her meds and stopping most of them.
For anyone who may have the same questions as she did... what is love?
Take a look around this site. See strangers reach out to people they don't know yet. Give support, share kindness and compassion to others.
People showing a true concern as they reach and teach others.
My friend is one who has read the bible a few times through. So when i shared with her these words, she fully understood them.
If we as humans that are imperfect can show others such kindness, compassion, concern, and love... How much more does our heavenly Father who is perfect in love and deed.. How much more does He love us?


Reach out and touch someones heart today... you never know... your own heart could be the one that gets changed.

[lonlion]

Morning Glory; Reading this today has helped to confirm what my suspicions are about my ex. I have 4 daughters, and the second youngest has had a hard time with suicidal thought and cutting herself since whe was 12.
My youngest has just completely blocked out her childhood.
These things in themselves may or may not prove anything, but its what happened a couple years ago that really makes this hit home.
My youngest and second youngest, started crying uncontrollably one day. I was so confused, and didn't understand. They told me that they have memories of their father kicking them outside even in winter with just what they had on at the time, every time I left the house.
I had this terrible feeling, because I knew nothing about this, and asked them, was it always all 4 of you at the same time. They didn't remember that, but just that they would cry at the door for him to let them in, because they were cold. I split up from him because of prostitutes, and he confessed he felt he had a sex addiction. I was raped at age 7 by a neighbour and always went out of my way to protect my girls from men. Little did I know I had to protect them from their own father.
I asked them why they never told me about being kicked outside when I went out, and they had no answer for me.
They are now in their early 20's, but if they had memories that they would tell me about I would sue his sick a$$.
Any advice would be welcome

[shutterbug]

Thanks MG, I hadn't even thought about this being something to tell my pychiatrist when I see him. No one has mentioned PTSD to me. I had only heard of it because I once had a boss who suffered from it b/c of Veitnam. I am new to learning about mental illness and poked my head in here to look around. I had two GP diagnose me as bipolar and when I admitted myself into the hospital last month the phychiatrist on staff began treating me for it. I have severe mood swings sometimes. It really freaks me out when it happens in the middle of a sentence or taking a breath. I have gone from barely being able to talk or understand much of what people are saying one minute and talking 90 mph the next. I've been on mood stabalizers for over a month now I think and my manic episodes have practically disappeared. I'm pretty sure that I'm still depressed because I still don't want to do anything, or have the energy to. This is the part that baffles me b/c I've been on anti-dep's for over a year now.

Actually, I don't think much about being molested when I was little. I know it affected me more than I may realize, but the emotional abuse I suffered starting in the 5th grade is where I think most of my problems lie. That's when my dad re-married and instead of gaining a mother figure and another sister...Me and my little sister were ignored and treated like we had no right to live. (Meanwhile, we were also dealing with abandonment from our real mom). My step-mother quickly put a stop to the friendship I had developed with my step-sister and until I graduated high school the only words the two of them said to me were put-downs or orders to do something. My step-mom lothed us and all I ever saw from her or even in the tone of her voice was that hate for me.

My dad always has said he loves us more than anything in the world, but when my step-mom would set the dinner table for only three (for her, her daughter and my dad) and only cook enough food for three....he never said a word about it. He let this go on for years and it has scarred me deeply. She worked with children all day, every day and she was very loving and nuturing to these kids she didn't even know. I never understood what was so wrong with me.

I felt I had no right to live in my own home, to have thoughts or feelings. I was just suppose to live my life quietly without objection. The one day I finally did object by telling my step-mom that if she couldn't talk to me like a human being then she had no right to order me around. (I put it much more harshly than that of course). She ran out to my father and he came storming in and slapped me across the face with all his might, knocking me to the ground. He also slapped my little sister who hadn't even said a word. He had never slapped me before that. When I got a chance to tell my side, he agreed that he had over-reacted, but that I still had been wrong in calling her a B**ch. So he was still mad.

Anyway, 7 years of this and dealing with my dad's alcoholism was too much. they split up after me and my sister had moved out, but that has never lasted long and they are on the verge of getting re-married.

I also know that I blocked out most of my mom and dad's marriage to each other, and my own life during that time. My grandma said that when they were really fighting, I would often take my little sister outside and make her cover her ears, as did I, so not to hear them. I don't remember any of it. All I remember is them telling us they were divorcing and telling us to choose who we wanted to live with.

Anyway, the nuts and bolts are that I don't care what I'm diagnosed with or what I'm not diagnosed with....I just want to get better. I want to be happy and stop worrying so much about everything. I'm tired of being tired.

So I'm praying this pychiatrist will be a good one who might can help me.

Originally Posted by Morning Glory

It took me 5 years of remembering my past issues before everything lifted and I felt better. I felt so lost and hopeless before I started the process. It's hard to have so many emotions that are free floating with no concrete place to put them. I think that's why I became codependent. I needed to put those emotions somewhere.

I'm really afraid of the long road of recovery I have in front of me. I don't do well in keeping up with anything for very long. A year seems too long to struggle before I really feel better...and I'm pretty certain it will take me much longer than a year. So I'm scared. I still don't really know where to put my emotions and feelings or even really how to name them. I know how I'm feeling right now, but I can't think of words to try to describe. I just feel bad everywhere.

Knowing there is hope is the only thing keeping me going, even though I only have a tiny bit of hope left in me.

Thanks for the hugs MG...sending some back to you.

[DesertEyes]

Originally Posted by lonlion

... Reading this today has helped to confirm what my suspicions are about my ex...

I'm sorry to hear that your children and you had to live through such horrors. I'm glad you got rid of the guy.

Originally Posted by lonlion

... Any advice would be welcome...

The most important thing you can do to help your kids is first help yourself. Find other people on the program who have worked through similar problems. Get their phone numbers and call them, build yourself a good support network. Once you've done that you will be better informed as to how to bring up the issue with your kids.

You might consider calling them all in for a family gathering, just your kids and you, and then let them know what your feelings are and your hopes for them.

Be prepared for a wide variety of strong feelings from them. From vehement denial to open hostility. Be prepared for them to blame _you_ for not protecting them. Whatever their reaction, the most important thing you can do is let them know that you love them, and that you will support them in whatever way they need to deal with this issue.

Those that don't want to deal with it, let them do nothing. Those that want to deal with it, support them in finding a counselor, or joining a group, or whatever they need.

And no, don't sue his A$$. The decision to do that, or not do that, is a very important growth step that your kids need to do for themselves. Don't take that away from them.

Whadya think?

Mike :-)

lonlion,

My children also went through extreme abuse without my knowledge. I know how you must be feeling. I would suggest being there for them and keeping open communication so they can come to you if they begin having problems. My daughter didn't deal with hers until she was 32. It was the perfect time for her. My son hasn't dealt with it yet. A sudden onset of flash backs and memories can be dangerous. I wouldn't encourage it if they are not already in the process. Is your daughter still having problems? Is she in counseling? Counseling really helped my daughter. It took her a year to recover enough to function again. She was just flooded with overwhelming flash backs of memories she blocked out when she was a child. I was also very protective of my children and it angered me so bad because it felt like someone just ruined a life time of work that I put into raising them. I was also overwhelmed with guilt that I didn't know to protect them. I had to work through a lot too.

shutterbug,

It took me longer because I didn't go to counseling or use medication. They didn't know much about this when I needed the help. I struggled finding my own way. I had to learn to cope with the anxiety and panic attacks before I could get down to the issues. It was a very long process for me because I couldn't handle going any faster.

They know more now and you have more help available than I did. Don't think about how long it will take. I started getting well at a time when I thought it was hopeless. We never know what a day will bring.

I'm sorry we've all had to go though such sad things. It really causes so much damage. We can get through this together.

Hugs to all of you.

[lonlion]

Unfortunately my twins have not spoken to me for the past 4 years, so I can't get them all together. But at the time of my youngest two crying and talking to me about this, I did try to discuss it with them. I guess I made the mistake of saying I would sue his a$$, and they backed off and said they had no memories.
As to whether my daughter is still cutting herself, I just found out recently that after my ex's heart attack in April, she went to stay with him to help him out and she started cutting herself again. She is seeing a therapist, but has not talked with me about anything related to his abusing her.
I will have to leave it with my HP and pray for them to be ok, till the time comes when they are emotionally ready to deal with it, if and when that happens. They don't see him or talk to him much any more because he says being around them stresses him and will cause him another heart attack. (You really don't want to hear my response to this....not nice at all)
Thank you for your responses, and caring concern. I love my daughters more than life itself, and at least they have me any time they want to.
Mike you are probably right. They will have to take legal action on their own if it ever comes to that. I will step back until they are ready to discuss it with me.
Thanks for being here
Diana

[Beautifulday]

I just found this site this morning. After reading some of the comments on PTSD, I am scared to death. I am using alcohol to cope with the pain and I also am starting to make up stuff to get attention sometimes. I am not sure how this whole site works but I think it would be good for me to get into a chat room and talk about what I am going through because as I sit here I am crying and feel so lonely scared and I just do not know where to turn......

[Don W]

Hi Everyone, I can relate so much to all your posts. I had alot of trouble with the nightmares a few months back. I also was either falling or being chased. Morning Glory is right in my case. Understanding that it is part of the recovery process will help. Stopping it, by drinking like I did will delay, not remove the need to go through it. I had one of those nightmares while in Florida, but I think it was being with my son.
I spent much time watching him take care of his children, and couldn't help wondering what if. And asking myself why didn't I do that. I had to bring myself back to the moment and remind myself that we were working on a new life. I can tell you that once you go through this hard time, you'll have a different perspective. I can only discribe it like this. I felt like I was trying to change something I knew was right, but was wrong. Sort of like learning something in school, that was later found to be wrong but, you didn't know it. Like in that case, I'd argue till blue in the face that I was no good or dumb. Now that people like Morning Glory and other have shown me that the lessons learned were wrong, I've moved on. That might not make sense but, the bottom line is don't give up. Feel the hurt, deal with the hurt that has been delayed for years in some cases. Don W

[splendra]

I am an adult survivor and I believe my husband is too. He has every symptom. I have tried to get him to look at this "adult survivor" aspect for several years. Fortuanatly I have had lots of therapy. I am very thankful that I have been able to deal with it.

I have noticed that lately I have been depressed I think that some times my depression fortells another lost memory surfacing.

From reading everyone else post it looks like sexual abuse runs in families. I know addiction is such a big symptom of this that maybe sexual abuse needs to come more out of the closet.

I look at my moms relationship to my other syblings and I believe she is putting up with their addiction out of guilt and not wanting to be confronted. She was very opposed to my going into therapy. She even admitted that she was afraid that I might remember something. It seemed safer to leave the state for therapy. Now my family uses my mental health to try to control me. I know I get them dangerously close to the truth sometimes......

[DesertEyes]

Originally Posted by splendra

... I am an adult survivor and I believe my husband is too. He has every symptom. I have tried to get him to look at this "adult survivor" aspect for several years...

My darling wife was viciously abused as a child. Her mother wasn't even an addict, she just derived great pleasure from brutalizing children. I have also spent a great deal of effort trying to get her to seek some kind of help for all her issues in spite of her continual refusal to do so. (Am I a codie, or what? )

I have my own baggage from my childhood, so between the two of us we make one fine mess :-( I love her with all my heart and soul, and for now I'm sticking it out.

Originally Posted by splendra

... I have noticed that lately I have been depressed I think that some times my depression fortells another lost memory surfacing...

Sorry to hear that. It sucks to go thru those. Feels great once it's over :-)

Originally Posted by splendra

... it looks like sexual abuse runs in families....

Yup. Abuse breeds fear and hatred. Fear allows others to abuse kids, and hatred eats away at the soul of a survivor until it boils out as abuse towards anybody who is unable to protect themselves. I suspect my Mother was abused as a child. She drowned her fear and hate with pills and booze. I believe this fear is what prevented her from taking action and protecting _her_ kids from abuse. I'm pretty sure my Dad was also abused, he turned to booze to control all his emotions and lost his soul.

At some point in their lives they were just like me. Lost, confused, filled with pain and anger. For reasons I will never know, they chose not to seek the path of recovery and redemption. They were seduced by the "dark side", in ways that no fiction will ever be able to portray. My Higher Power chose to use me for other purposes, for which I am forever grateful.

Originally Posted by splendra

... Now my family uses my mental health to try to control me. I know I get them dangerously close to the truth sometimes...

My family knows the truth. Not the minutiae of who beat who or when. The truth of a heart filled with pain and anguish. I can see it in the lives they lead, in the drugs they take and the harm they cause to their own kids. The have no need for me to advertise what they already know. They also know the truth that I don't live like that anymore. The truth that my kids are happy, joyous and free. That my life is filled with friends and health.

The truth of the life I enjoy is the truth that will attract them to their own program of recovery. When they reach that moment in their lives when the Higher Power will show them a fork in the road, they know that I stand on the road of recovery, and that I will be there for them. If I push at them, I will just push them towards the other road. What I must do for them, is to keep alive the light of recovery so they can see the road to freedom.

I cannot walk that road for them. I can only show them where it is.

I have learned how to do this for my relatives. I have failed to do this with my wife and I'm now paying the price. But I'm learning ;-)

Mike :-)

[Don W]

splendra, I can identify with the family issues. My mother and brothers and sisters were also abused. However, they try to pretend it didn't happen. I understand they need to handle things on their own but, they are angry because I'm seeking help. To hear them talk my father was a cross between "Father Knows Best" and "Ozzie Nelson." There are 8 kids and everyone of us are in the program or need it. Sadly, I can see it taking it's toll on the children and their children. Don W

Mike,

That was a beautiful post. Thank you.

Beautifulday,

Welcome to the forum. Please feel free to post a new thread or reply to any of the threads. Look on the chat forum for chat times and meetings. Don't be afraid. We have been through it and you're not alone.

Hugs,
MG

[stud0134]

Hi MG I wanted to thank you for what you are doing here.While I was useing toward the end I used to wake up out of my sleep not knowing wherer I was my heart was pounding hard and fast.I would take me several minutes to get my bearings back and this would happen several times a night.It was horrible.Now that Im clean I hardly have them.Now Ill be asleep and Its like I got a quick shock that wakes me up.I have the hardest time turning my mind off At night.I do go through depression, self esteem problemm Im working on that through N.A I think Im Haveing anxiaty attack at night when I sleep.I was abused as a child But I really never even thought about it until I did My 4th step.But that abuse In alot aways changed the I grew up.Idont know there's alot of things that I cant even explain that Im hopeing the 12 step can help me with.now I have faith In the program But there are some issue's that are in me I cant even figure out Im sorry Im just babling now Im not sure where Im going with this I just wanted to thank you for these posts. THANKS LOL

I don't know if you saw this link, but it has a lot about dreams in it.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ad.php?t=40516

Drug use alone can cause major anxiety so it's hard to sort out what's caused by the drugs and what's from past trauma. I think the panic and anxiety from drugs can last a long time.

I can never turn my mind off. I haven't even begun to solve that problem yet. I tried prozac, but it didn't help much. I'm going to ask my doctor about taking Melatonin for sleep. I've heard that works.

Hugs,
MG

[shutterbug]

MG, I told my pychiatrist about my past abuse. He is setting me up for a full evaluation with a different pychologist for a full evaluation. I didn't know pychologists do that. Do all of them?

My suggested I go into day treatment so I may start that soon. Just wanted to update. Thanks for the dream thread. I will have to take a look at it later when I'm not so tired.

[stud0134]

thanks MG I appriciate your help you do an awfull lot And I just wanted you to Know I appriciate it. :friday:

[innamorata]

Wow...much of this fits me to a "T". I had thought about these things before, but not in-depth like this.

I have to digest this information for a while. I'm not in therapy or anything like that, I just try to work it out on my own.

Thanks for posting this.

[stud0134]

I can never turn my mind off. I haven't even begun to solve that problem yet. I tried prozac, but it didn't help much. I'm going to ask my doctor about taking Melatonin for sleep. I've heard that works.

Ive been offered sleeping meds before But Im to scared to take them,I think they would be a total trigger for me.I kinda think that maybe I just need to just ride these effects out But Im not sure what to do.I had a friend that was put on meds PTSD and he just got worse And eventualy relapsed and the meds I think did damage more than helped him and I dont want that to happen to me.I think I have to find ways to live out my fears any anxiaties.I also think that if I did more throughout the day I would probably sleep better or figure out a better sleeping pattern.Turning my brain off and that is something that maybe my 12 steps will help in the long run I hope.

I also wanted to add that you do so much through these threads you are a inspiration to us all. :tongue3: thanks MG