Haven't had the need to post here in awhile....... but

[BaBa OReiley]

this london thing brings back some real bad stuff to me. i have relatives living in london, one cousin who lived on the street of one of the explosions. i can't bear to turn my phone on in case of bad news. i'll make some calls tomorrow i guess, when i'm in a better head hopefully.

i guess it was just a matter of time, for them to strike in england, and for my ptsd to flare up again, the anger and hatred is boiling in me! and the fears are back too.

i found myself snapping at people all day while at work, i got so sick of apologising, my nerves are fraid. can't take the noises.

oh well such is life i guess.

[In memory of miracle]

The event's in London today do bring back the tragedy of 911. I know you were right in the thick of it , I can only imagine how you must be feeling today. I also know that you have helped to rebuild that beautiful city,that was the best and only thing we can do in the face of terrorism. They cannot kill our spirit's or take away the freedom we are so blessed to have. Ever. They will never change the way we live. Take comfort in that. I do.

[historyteach]

(((Bill)))
Such is life for those who've experienced trauma.
Like you have.
You say;
"i guess it was just a matter of time, for them to strike in england, and for my ptsd to flare up again, the anger and hatred is boiling in me! and the fears are back too."
Yea, it IS only a matter of time
If we don't deal with it.
And that anger and fear...Bill...that IS your fear speaking.
I understand. I really do.
Check out this site by Mark Sichel...
http://www.psybersquare.com/anxiety/anxiety.html
Look around. There is lots of stuff on PTSD.
And then share as much as you need and want to. We're here.
Bill, ya know I love ya!
Shalom!

[BaBa OReiley]

i am dealing with it, i stopped trying to surpress it. i feel it when it comes on instead of ignoring it. i guess posting here is just another avenue of release. thanks for the replies.

here is a video of what some of us have to deal with, i just sent a thank you note to mr levin for his efforts.

http://jonathanlevin.com/NTS.htm

[liveweyerd]

I may be off base, but I tell myself anytime my PTSD takes hold of me, that this too shall pass and I will come out stronger. And repeat alot of "Just For Today"....mainly the I can do something for 12 hours today that it would apall me to do for the rest of my life. I guess that one is a mantra for me when times are rough. But then I have to make sure I get off my butt and don't make that an excuse for taking the steps I need and maybe am afraid of.

[historyteach]

(((Bill)))
Glad you are dealing with it instead of supressing it.
I thought the film was a fantastic reminder of the needs presented by our heros.
Thanks for posting it.
Do you know what we individuals can do to try and garner more material support from Congress and worker's compensation. Some of those stories made me so angry! I want to do something constructive wiht that anger.
Also, would you mind posting the address of Mr Levin? I would like to send a thank you too. This film should be on every station on tv; so that the world will never forget.
And Bill...thanks go to you, also, my friend...for being one of those heros...
Shalom!

[BaBa OReiley]

not a hero hun, just a caring human being who was given a gift, and on that fateful day i found out why i was given the gifts i had, so i could be there and use them to help others!

jonathan levin's e-mail addy is on top of the page deb.

no livewire, your not off base, i find myself doing the same mantra frequently, i'm still in construction, and there are constantly loud noises which trigger memories. those memories activate my flight or fight mechanisms.

instead of reacting, i process the feelings today, no matter how unpleasant. and as teach said earlier it's the fear factor arising that i show in anger outbursts. during the nyc round-up as we were walking past ground zero i had an episode, i didn't handle it too rationally but i didn't react to it either. although i did spout off in anger at the vendors and the tourists who were about to buy their wares.

not too long ago i would have acted out in anger instead of voicing it, someday i guess i'll just be able to accept it, only howard knows that. but for today i'm ok being aware of it

[In memory of miracle]

((( BaBa ))) Love you !

[Ann]

BaBa, I remember watching news coverage of the rescue and all those who helped, and I know that it was a very brave thing to do. I truly hope that funding is provided to help all the victims, and that one day soon you will find your way past this PTSD and find peace,

Hugs
Ann

[Don W]

Hi Bill, I can understand your feelings, many of which I also have. The key is to do just what your doing. Finding ways to deal with it, other than medicating ourselves with alcohol/drugs like we did before. Like many have said before, they will never go away but, we can learn to put our memories in perspective. I've found reducing the size of the slice of the pie my PTSD enjoyed has helped. Someone at the VA had us do a pie drawing of our life. We assigned a size of the slice of pie to events in our lives. We were surprised at the size some life events still held. Along with the slice we had to honestly admit what we did to keep this slice so large. In my case, the smallest thing like wearing a Vietnam hat made a difference. The counselor had me reduce the amount I wore the hat. Living where you live you see reminders everyday of the terror act. I would suggest you make more trips to that little church near ground zero. I for one was helped seeing the out pouring of humanity instead of the in-humanity my mind was fixed on. Keep shareing, Don W