what is emotional abuse?

[innamorata]

I don't even know if this is the right place to put this but I don't know where else to post.

What constitutes emotional abuse? Is it as bad as other abuses? What happens to the one being emotionally abused? What behavior do they manifest?

I really, really need to know.

I'm back, after a rather long hiatus.

[eddie z.]

Originally Posted by innamorata

What constitutes emotional abuse? Is it as bad as other abuses? What happens to the one being emotionally abused? What behavior do they manifest?

((((innamorata)))),
Welcome back! I love your avatar. I really don't know how to answer your questions except to wonder what is the behavior you're experiencing or witnessing? Maybe we could help more if we knew something more, you know? I hope you get answers soon, though!

Love and hugs,
Eddie

I have a post in the basement. I'll go dig it up.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ead.php?t=4103 (Abuse)

[innamorata]

Originally Posted by eddie z.

((((innamorata)))),
Welcome back! I love your avatar. I really don't know how to answer your questions except to wonder what is the behavior you're experiencing or witnessing? Maybe we could help more if we knew something more, you know? I hope you get answers soon, though!

Love and hugs,
Eddie

My avatar is one of my cats...the part where he is sticking his tongue out is the original photo. I did a little Photoshop work to it and added a background.

Emotional abuse...things like:

Expecting someone to be home at a certain time even though there is no pressing need to be, and having a fit when they are not.

Pouting or the "silent treatment" if things don't go their way...whether it is housecleaning, shopping, conversation, sex, etc.

Pouting if sex is not given, and in an extremely good mood after...until the next sexual urge strikes.

Getting mad at someone if they are gone from the house too long, even if they are doing something legitimate (such as a job or helping a friend or visiting family) and if the other person is not even home.

Telling someone they aren't as smart as they think they are, when the person does something they think is a good job.

Never knowing when the next "storm" is going to strike, or what it will be over.

Extreme reactions to something small, like spilling a pop or a stain on a shirt.

I could come up with more, but that's all I really want to type out right now.

It's really really really hard to type this, but it's from personal experience.

I'm not a bad person...am I?

[innamorata]

Originally Posted by Morning Glory

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ead.php?t=4103 (Abuse)

Thank you. I didn't see your post because I was posting.

I guess I have to think.

No you're not a bad person.

You are allowed to talk about it and it's not breaking any loyalty to work on a solution.

[innamorata]

Originally Posted by Morning Glory

No you're not a bad person.

You are allowed to talk about it and it's not breaking any loyalty to work on a solution.

I don't feel any loyalty...I just feel trapped. It's a long story...but I am trapped and I can't go anywhere.

I don't know if it is "safe" to post this kind of thing here. I don't want to be traced....

[eddie z.]

Originally Posted by innamorata

I'm not a bad person...am I?

NO! You know I've been doing a little research into BPD (borderline personality disorder) lately and my impression of it is just what you described. The extreme emotional volatility. The wild fluctuations. The unpredictability. It's common in people who have been emotionally or otherwise abused so far as I know.

I was emotionally abused as a child and I was once diagnosed as borderline. I'm not sure whether it was an inaccurate diagnosis or whether I have just improved markedly, but I'm no longer treated as borderline. So it is treatable! The symptoms that got me labeled that way are gone.

I suggest a thorough psychological evaluation and treatment. I wish you the very best! You can even PM me if you want.

Love and hugs,
Eddie

[innamorata]

Originally Posted by eddie z.

NO! You know I've been doing a little research into BPD (borderline personality disorder) lately and my impression of it is just what you described. The extreme emotional volatility. The wild fluctuations. The unpredictability. It's common in people who have been emotionally or otherwise abused so far as I know.

I was emotionally abused as a child and I was once diagnosed as borderline. I'm not sure whether it was an inaccurate diagnosis or whether I have just improved markedly, but I'm no longer treated as borderline. So it is treatable! The symptoms that got me labeled that way are gone.

I suggest a thorough psychological evaluation and treatment. I wish you the very best! You can even PM me if you want.

Love and hugs,
Eddie

Hi, Eddie, and thank you.

I'm sorry, I think I didn't word my posts right. My bad. The things I described are what I have to deal with from another person, directed at me. I wondered if what they were doing was emotional abuse. I know, light-bulb moment took me forever to go on, but I finally thought one day, that maybe that is what was happening to me.

But, considering this other person was abused as a child/teenager, they probably have this BPD that you are talking about.

I'm sorry. It's just so hard and I'm so sad...

We aren't going to trace you.

How trapped are you?

[eddie z.]

Thanks for clearing that up! I admit I was confused and tried to be nebulous about whom I was addressing in my last post. I totally sympathize with you! I'm really thinking lately that someone close to me has BPD and I get this sort of behavior from him also. It IS sad.

I am struggling with how to ask him to get help. He is not as bad as he was and I think his meds help ALOT, but he does get out of hand sometimes. Mostly nowadays I just remember that he's volatile and he usually calms down given some time to reflect. I don't let it affect my self-esteem anymore.

Can you see what this abuse is doing to your self-esteem? I would suggest you maybe call a crisis counseling hotline or something. YOu need some support from real live people, you know? Take care of yourself, OK? And like I said, you can PM me too.

Love and hugs,
Eddie

[innamorata]

Originally Posted by Morning Glory

We aren't going to trace you.

How trapped are you?

I need to think about this...it feels odd to me, talking about this...I'm afraid to go there with my feelings....does that make sense?

sorry...

Yes it makes sense.

You don't have to talk about it unless you feel comfortable.

We're here to help and I know I've been through abuse so I understand how hard it is.

[innamorata]

Originally Posted by Morning Glory

Yes it makes sense.

You don't have to talk about it unless you feel comfortable.

We're here to help and I know I've been through abuse so I understand how hard it is.

Thank you...

I'm trying...I just feel so overwhelmed...

[eddie z.]

I think our posts criss-crossed in cyberspace. Did you see my last one, i?

-ez

[innamorata]

Originally Posted by eddie z.

I think our posts criss-crossed in cyberspace. Did you see my last one, i?

-ez

Yes, thank you. I just got a little busy there for a moment...

I wish I could talk to someone, but I don't have any support. And, without support, I just can't go to anywhere and get help. Everybody thinks everything is just fine, you know? Everybody is so fooled...

Nobody believes me.

I know I'm kind of talking in circles, but I am really having a hard time talking at all...

[eddie z.]

Please call a hotline. There should be a service that can help you. You're in my thoughts and prayers, innamorata!

Love and hugs,
Eddie

[innamorata]

Originally Posted by eddie z.

Please call a hotline. There should be a service that can help you. You're in my thoughts and prayers, innamorata!

Love and hugs,
Eddie

I can't call a hotline. I have no support. Nobody believes me.

Sorry...I'll shut up.

The crisis hotlines will direct you to a place you can go to for support in your area. I've used them and they steered me in the right direction. I went in a couple of years ago to talk about abuse that happened to me 30 years ago. It feels so good to have someone validate your feelings even if you don't make any changes right away.

Well here we are trying to fix things for you.

What if we just listen instead?

I believe you.

[eddie z.]

No need to apologize or to shut up! I'm worried about you, but I don't know what else to suggest. You can't call a hotline because you can't talk out loud, is that it? You do have support and we do believe you. Why don't you post over on the Nar-Anon board? They may be able to help, too.

Love and hugs,
Eddie

[innamorata]

Originally Posted by innamorata

I don't even know if this is the right place to put this but I don't know where else to post.

What constitutes emotional abuse? Is it as bad as other abuses? What happens to the one being emotionally abused? What behavior do they manifest?

I really, really need to know.

I'm back, after a rather long hiatus.

I'll put this here since it's a general response.

I did call a "hotline"...I posted here. I've been posting here since 2003 and never really revealed much about myself and what makes me tick. I decided I wanted to try. I'm extremely depressed and down and I wanted to try to get some of that out.

So, I make a post, and the responses say..."Call a hotline".

But...I can't call a hotline. I can't talk to anyone here. I can't go make appointments and set up times and all that. I've tried talking to my friends and they say, "Call a hotline". I tried talking to a minister friend of mine (a good friend) and he just said stuff like, "You know you two really love each other. Maybe if you were more understanding. Maybe you should try being nicer..." which is the same stuff I've gotten from my parents and friends.

There's more but I won't go into it now.

I just wanted to try to get some of this out, and try not to feel so alone. Maybe it isn't what was intended, maybe you all had the best of intentions....but when I reached out and posted what took me a long time to even THINK about typing out, I received, "Call a hotline". To me, that read, "Sorry, this isn't the place for that. Call someone else."

I thought this was a place where people could come and talk and be helped. I know you guys aren't counselors, but you ARE people who know what it's like....

Maybe it wasn't meant that way...but that's how my heart received it. I'm not mad at anyone here. I just don't understand.

I don't know what else to say and have probably "worn out my welcome" now and made everyone mad at me...

[innamorata]

Originally Posted by Morning Glory

Well here we are trying to fix things for you.

What if we just listen instead?

I believe you.

That's what I wanted last night. Someone to listen.

This is in no way a slam against you and I am not mad at you at all. You've been very helpful to me in the past. But why is it that the first thing someone says is, "Call a hotline"?

I can't do that.

[innamorata]

Originally Posted by eddie z.

No need to apologize or to shut up! I'm worried about you, but I don't know what else to suggest. You can't call a hotline because you can't talk out loud, is that it? You do have support and we do believe you. Why don't you post over on the Nar-Anon board? They may be able to help, too.

Love and hugs,
Eddie

Thank you.

I'm trying.

Nar-Anon? Isn't that for people who are addicted to drugs or have friends or family who are addicts?

I'm a little confused...