Steely

Hello everyone,

This is the first time I have created a thread, so here goes.

Have been taking 2 mg Valium (psych prescribed) for about 2 years but unbeknown to my psych have also been taking an additional 5>mgs intermittently, given to me by a friend. Not her fault.

I stopped *cold* approximately 10 days ago and have, over the last week, been having horrible symptoms including depersonalisation, anxiety, depression, crying spells, brain fog, zero motivation, and most worryingly suicidal ideation and thoughts of *cutting* myself. Very, very scary.

I have never had this sort of thinking before, alcohol or not, and it scared me so much I reinstated the 2mg. Symptoms have abated markedly with just the lingering remnants and depression remaining.

Have decided to sit with the 2mg as it seems to be holding me, and reduce following recommendations by Prof. Ashton's Manual on benzo reduction.

Does anyone have any experience, or can relate to my experience in any way? I would so appreciate your thoughts as it was super scary, and have come to understand the potential of Valium. It is a cruel drug.

I am 90 days sober today.

entropy1964

I've never been addicted to benzos but Im pretty sure detoxing from them is as dangerous as alcohol. And unlike alcohol there is no substitute drug to help you ease off them. You need to taper.

As you probably know drs give alcoholics benzos to detox from alcohol (Valium is a Benzo). They act on the brain in a similar way to alcohol which helps prevent the serious complications of detox. So in a sense they are alcohol in pill form. Soooo, no wonder you like em so much.

Please talk to your dr about a taper. Be honest about you addictions. Benzos are extremely addicting and not taking them as prescribed is unsafe. I know that many take benzos over long periods of time but I would really question this as the advocate of my own health....and recovery. If I'm wanting to say I'm sober I can't really be addicted to any substance.....that's just me.

Steely

Thanks for your reply Frickaflip.

I'll be talking with my psychiatrist next week to develop a reduction regime. Until then I am tapering myself.

Again, thank you for your response.

90 Days today

Steely

It's not so much that I "liked" them Frickaflip. They were prescribed by my psychiatrist, initially because I suffered Seratonin Syndrome because he (my psych), did not allow enough time to elapse between changing my anti-depressant.

I suffered seizure out of the Serotin Syndrome so no, not because I *liked* them, but because the Serotonin Syndrome may have killed me.

My psychiatrist has since changed his practice in terms of *wash out* for anti-depressants as a direct result of my experience. He has stated this to me.

Steely

I have since tapered myself off anti-depressants, freaked me out so bad.

Forward12

Benzos do require a taper to get off of. Luckily you are on a small dose so hopefully it won't be too bad to get off of. I'm sure your doc will give you more of a plan on how to do about it.

Steely

Thanks Forward. Will do. Hope you are doing well.

heartcore

Hey Steely -

That sounds like a really disturbing & terrifying experience! I'm so sorry you just went through it.

I don't know anything about benzos, except that you have to taper & never quit abruptly. Glad you've decided to work with your doc & do it very intentionally.

Sending a hug & concern...

Steely

Oh, thank you heartcore,

It was very scary, and at first thought that it could be related to the personal stuff going on in my life, depression, family, ie., but then all of the other symptoms reared their ugly heads and I knew things were not right.

As soon as I reinstated the symptoms abated, and am feeling so much better today.

Also made some further moves in terms of self empowerment, and this has produced a real lightness of spirit such as I have not felt for a very, very long time. When drinking I would never have been able to make such a move. I am eternally grateful for sobriety.

Thanks for responding heartcore, and the taper is definitely the course I'll be taking. Eek, it was horrible. Thanks heartcore.

Thompson1984

When I went off benzodiazepines I was in rehab but it was a quick 5 day taper reducing dose by 1/2 each day. I experienced everything you described. For the first 2 weeks I would describe my experience as living in my head which was a balloon floating above my body and seeing the world through a camera lense. I did not feel like I was actually experiencing anything just observing while trying to operate this foreign body.

The good news is this was completely gone by the end of my 30 day stay. Each and every day my goal was just to make it to bed that night. Exersice was very very valuable. We had a pool and played volley ball. The next day after exersice was always better. Some days you move foward some days you move back. But it will get better. That's the thing everyone kept saying and it was the truth.

heartcore

I so often just wish I could have a cup of tea & a chat with folks on here.

Steely. I always feel through your words a very kind & fragile heart. I know you are in a place where you want no dependence or involvement with substances, just want them out of your body. At the same time, your job is to nourish & protect the precious body, keeping it safe from harm (cause that's not anyone else's job!).

Take your time, be patient with the required process, & stay on track, and you will fully heal! Your powerful reactions were just the voice of the body. You listened & responded. Be cautious, but tenacious in your recovery. We are rejecting drugs that were brilliantly designed to create physical dependency. Our choices are revolutionary...

Viva la revolucion!

SoberCAH

Withdrawing from benzos is quite challenging and potentially dangerous.

I was addicted to valium 30 years ago.

My primary care doctor changed my prescription to Ativan and then to Xanax.

Shortly thereafter ( and year or year and a half), I entered treatment and have been clean and sober since.

This is an important topic.

Please keep us posted with your experiences.

Congrats on 90 days sober.

That's really great.

Steely

Thanks everyone for your replies and apologies for not getting back earlier. I seem to drift way and forget....

I've stabilised on the 2mg Valium and will just start chipping away at10% every 2 weeks as recommended out of the Ashton Manual.

Seems ridiculous to me that jumping cold from 2mg should cause such scary results, and I don't think it was all in my head, my reaction was too physically and mentally extreme. So, chipping away as recommended.

Thank you Thompson for describing your own situation, it helped, and good to know that a person can get eventually get free. That was a pretty rapid withdrawal regime they set you on. Congrats.

Thanks too, heartcore. I am pretty fragile, but slowly getting stronger. Hard to mend a shattered vessel. One piece at a time.

Again, I thank you all.

DieHard27

Hi Steely, i am in the same boat as you...also on 2 mgs valium down from 5 mgs. Most of my symptoms are cardiac which just fuels my anxiety even more. I would love to talk and offer support.