Pretty low
Posting here as it seems the best place.
As some may remember my mother passed recently- in the past 3 weeks. Trying to cope with that sometimes good sometimes bad
Told my teaching job that I wasn't going back - to be honest I couldn't stand it, the students, the obstacles, teaching a whole new curriculum, working a 3 day week to achieve what's really a full time job, the lack of control of so many variables, and the persistent judgement of having to perform everyday in the classroom and produce results.
Along side this I just really struggled to focus and do basic things that you have to do in teaching.. I feel I ultimately created an environment where my students didn't really like me or were confused about their project work.
Last summer I had reached a point of paralysis anyway after the dramas of dad and a brain tumour and his eventual death, then taking mum through the hospital and Hospice system to a nursing home in September as I started the last academic year.
Anyway Got student feedback and its pretty rotten although some have got good grades.. If I was honest it is pretty honest and I heard a rumour that there had been some complaints about the quality of my teaching.
I'm investing as much time in aa as possible, so with battling the alcohol, all the fears that drive me to drink, the sadness and confusion of losing parents with no-one to console me and tell me everything's going to be ok like a parent can, and this feedback I'm feeling pretty rough right now
I'm fumbling along with critical voices complaining at me about every single thing I've done wrong in my life.. I'm putting a brave face on it for my wife and babas sake but feeling the ridicule and misery and blackness intensely..
anyway, this anxiety and fear and ineptitude and paralyzing panic has probably always been there- maybe the aa. Work is just shining a light on it.
Sorry for the long post and the downcast nature of this.. I just have to share it and hopefully get some perspective from the SR community.. Helpful advice is appreciated.. Thankyou
As some may remember my mother passed recently- in the past 3 weeks. Trying to cope with that sometimes good sometimes bad
Told my teaching job that I wasn't going back - to be honest I couldn't stand it, the students, the obstacles, teaching a whole new curriculum, working a 3 day week to achieve what's really a full time job, the lack of control of so many variables, and the persistent judgement of having to perform everyday in the classroom and produce results.
Along side this I just really struggled to focus and do basic things that you have to do in teaching.. I feel I ultimately created an environment where my students didn't really like me or were confused about their project work.
Last summer I had reached a point of paralysis anyway after the dramas of dad and a brain tumour and his eventual death, then taking mum through the hospital and Hospice system to a nursing home in September as I started the last academic year.
Anyway Got student feedback and its pretty rotten although some have got good grades.. If I was honest it is pretty honest and I heard a rumour that there had been some complaints about the quality of my teaching.
I'm investing as much time in aa as possible, so with battling the alcohol, all the fears that drive me to drink, the sadness and confusion of losing parents with no-one to console me and tell me everything's going to be ok like a parent can, and this feedback I'm feeling pretty rough right now
I'm fumbling along with critical voices complaining at me about every single thing I've done wrong in my life.. I'm putting a brave face on it for my wife and babas sake but feeling the ridicule and misery and blackness intensely..
anyway, this anxiety and fear and ineptitude and paralyzing panic has probably always been there- maybe the aa. Work is just shining a light on it.
Sorry for the long post and the downcast nature of this.. I just have to share it and hopefully get some perspective from the SR community.. Helpful advice is appreciated.. Thankyou
Glad you are here, my friend, and thanks for the candid, painful post.
My bottom was certainly low from my perspective, and it included alcohol and benzos.
Life doesn't have to be this way.
For me, the answer was treatment and AA.
Now, it is God and AA.
And I haven't had a drink or drug since I felt the way you described.
My bottom was certainly low from my perspective, and it included alcohol and benzos.
Life doesn't have to be this way.
For me, the answer was treatment and AA.
Now, it is God and AA.
And I haven't had a drink or drug since I felt the way you described.
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