kzaug2014

I know what you mean, Winslow, by not realizing what you're in for when starting these meds. If I had been a fortune teller, I never would have taken any of the drugs I was prescribed longer than 8-10wks. Thank goodness some doctors are now catching on!

Shining, I agree there's a huge difference between addiction and dependence. Dependence is a term for people that are prescribed a medication for an ailment or disease. Whereas addiction is a term for people that get hooked on street drugs, alcohol or overtake their prescribed meds.

But, this is where it gets tricky. I believe that people who are prone to addiction ( addictive personalities ) can be addicted to 1 or more things, while just dependent on others.

Oops pushed post button lol....tbc.

kzaug2014

For instance, I know I have an addictive nature when it comes to coke, meth, heroin, shopping & eating. I never really cared for any of the other street drugs I tried. And, I took my meds as prescribed for 10yrs., never running out of them early. I was dependant on them. Also, I drank heavily in my 20's, but when my hubs got Brittle Type 1 Diabetes, we quit, just like that. Earlier this past summer, I felt like having a 7/7 ( my college drink ), so I bought a pint of Seagrams, had 1 drink & the remainder of that pint is still sitting in my freezer lol. I do want to point out that there's 0 alcoholics in my bloodline. So I think that attributes to my lack of addiction in this area.

My hubs, on the other hand, can easily get addicted to most anything. So, in a way, it's rather like how people react differently w/medication. What works for one person doesn't work w/another.

Patricia, you're doing great ( so are you Winslow. ) You're going to feel like blah for awhile, but the payoff is great! The coloring book will help you to focus on something else other than your anxiety. It works! And, you're still posting!

(( Hugs )) to all!

patricia68

Thank you kzaug

I can see a tiny ray of hope now. I had a bad day today. Sadness and waves of panic all through the day. And I kept thinking of you guys. There is hope!

I had an argument with my husband. He is going through a rough time right now. Depression, midlife crisis, I don't even know. He hates his life. And every argument is mostly him pointing fingers at me for all the things I do wrong. He blames me for being miserable. He keeps telling me that I'm not good enough, or stubborn, or whatever...I feel hurt, inadequate, hopeless...

And it doesn't matter if I tell him calmly how I feel...then it turns into a competition: his problems are bigger than my problems, his unhappiness is worse than my unhappiness...

For the longest time those arguments ended up with me drinking or taking benzos...or both.

Today I just took 5htp, cried a bit, and came here to read posts...

kzaug2014

Awww, Patricia, plz don't believe what he says to you. People that belittle others normally have very low self esteem themselves ( even if they don't show it. )

Is he battling an addiction too? My hubs & I have been together going on 22yrs. now, but he went through a mid life crisis about 8yrs in & left me. We were separated for a yr., but got back together after he came to his senses. Other than that yr., we've had a really good relationship.

Is he seeking help for his depression?

Just remember, you have a lot of self worth. Try & not let his attitude get to you, k hun. And we're here for you too. ((( Big hugs )))

patricia68

Thank you kzaug! I think you're right...he seems very confident but who knows what goes through his mind...

He quit smoking cigarettes 3 weeks ago. Now he's vaping but with no nicotine, just flavored e-juice...and now that you mentioned, his mood has been horrible. I know that quitting nicotine is tough, I can't even do it myself!, but I didn't think it would cause depression and so much anger. He was grouchy before, but since he quit it has been a living hell...

I know he won't get help though. He is too proud to go to couples counselling or even a doctor. He won't even take cold medicine...

I am going to try and focus on finding happiness myself. And try to believe that I'm worth it...I just don't know how. How do I love myself again? Maybe working on my addictions, working on being clean and sober...I don't know...

kzaug2014

Well, I know for a fact that being clean helps immensely ( it's the "getting there"
that sucks lol. )

Do you like to read?

patricia68

Yes I love to read!

kzaug2014

I used to read avidly, but my attention span has grown shorter the older I get.
But, I will do some research & ask around to find books about loving yourself ( I actually would benefit from this too. )

Just a thought for now...you could start making a list of the things you like about yourself ( & what others like about you. ) Go over it everyday, adding things as you think of them. And don't listen to your husband. I'm sure quitting cigarettes is making him extra cranky.

If anyone has good books to recommend, we're all ears.

patricia68

Thank you so much!

I like the idea of making a list. I bought a cute little journal the other day, I think I'm going to start writing tonight

kzaug2014

That sounds great Patricia!

I asked for recommendations on the "book club" forum. Someone already recommended a few. That forum is near the bottom of the page.

I'm hitting the hay, hun. (( Hugs ))

patricia68

I'll check it out. Thank you so much! Have a good night kzaug!

kzaug2014

Yw Patricia. I hope you have a better day today.

I have a busy day today, but I'll check in tonight.

(( Hugs )) to everyone!

patricia68

I've been feeling shaky and anxious all morning. But I'm sticking to my 0.125mg dose. I hope it gets better.

I think I'm scared of quitting benzos. I keep thinking "what if there's an emergency?", "what if I can't handle this or that?"...I had the same kind of thoughts when I first quit drinking. But with benzos I don't have the "I don't want any more hangovers" mentality...I still think they help, although they really don't...

Sizzle

I met with my p-doc on Friday. Upped my dose of Gabapentin and added Prozac to the mix. Dropped my daily dose of Xanax to 2mg - 4 doses of .5mg each day until the next step of the taper. The Gabapentin "bump" has me feeling a bit "high" as others have described it. However, I feel that it's really knocked down my anxiety to a great degree. I just hope the effect remains so I'll continue my Xanax taper.

kzaug2014

Patricia, believe me, you'll be able to handle your anxiety much better off benzos than on them. Your anxiety right is a withdrawal symptom. The thing is, withdrawals from benzos normally last longer than withdrawals & people give up. You need to look at it from a different viewpoint...like "what's a few mos. outta my entire life?" Not that much, really.

And you definitely don't what happened to me, twice, to happen to you. The 1st time I got cut off cold turkey, I just showed up to my monthly appt. & was told my doctor was no longer w/that office. A new doctor walked in & said she didn't believe in prescribing the meds I was on. And she also didn't believe in tapering either.
There are also some very bad doctors out there. I thought my story was unique until I started reading other stories like mine. The 2nd time I got cut off cold, my hubs PA, who I'd only met once, had me ousted from my doctor's office. Long story & it wasn't pretty.

But, the point is, that either of my 2 cold turkey stories can happen to anyone. I feel no ill will towards those doctors ( anymore lol ) because I believe there's a reason for all that happens. God has a plan for us all.

I know the anxiety feels too overwhelming at times, I've been there. I think it's extremely important to stay as positive as possible. Even if it's something miniscule to be grateful for, like the sun is shining today lol.

Would your doctor be willing to prescribe something non additive, like Sizzles doc?

Hi Sizzle! Nice to see you. I'm glad you had that test to determine what meds would work for you. The rehab I rent to gave me gabapentin, so I asked my GP to prescribe it for me. I didn't experience the high people talk about because the severity of my withdrawals, I think. I just quit taking it a few mo's ago & I'm very happy to say...0 withdrawals! But, my withdrawals the 2nd time around weren't quite as severe as the 1st time ( w/no gabapentin. ) So I think it works.

Winslow, how are you today?

Hi Shining!

(( Hugs )) to everyone!

kzaug2014

Patricia & everyone who likes to read...Anna, 1 of the administrator's here, just posted a link to a whole lot of books ( in the Book Club forum. ) In addition to anxiety/panic attacks/depression, other topics include recovery, biography, spirituality, more! I'm going to order a book too.

Shining~Again

Hi everyone ((((hugs))))
I wanted to write so much today but it was not in the cards.

Kzaug - seriously am so happy to have you on board as what you write about is so on par with my experiences. Especially the doctors stuff and more importantly, the mindset one needs to get through this crap.

I'll be back in the wee morning hours. Take care and sleep tight. xx

patricia68

All the doctors in my area prescribe benzos like candy. Or SSRIs that are also awful to wean off.

I went to see a naturopathic doctor last week. I'm taking supplements and I think they're slowly helping. I'm waiting for some more supplements that I had to order online. I'll let you know

kzaug2014

Shining, your too kind. Sweet dreams!

Patricia, yes please, let me know. I'd really love to learn more about supplements. Glad to see that smiley behind your sentence. That's always a good sign!

Winslow, where are you??? Plz check in.

Good night to everyone! (( Hugs ))

patricia68

Yes! You know I'm in a better mood when I post smiley faces