patricia68

Thinking of you kzaug

kzaug2014

Ty everyone!
That stain disappeared by last night, but reappeared in a different place on my hand this morning...and I'm feeling really lousy. I think I may go to the hospital.
(( Hugs ))

Winslow

Kzaug,please do go,I think its better to be on the safe side

Blacky

Hope you are doing ok Kzaug, and everyone.

My second night just taking a half klonopin went ok, working all day probably helped with sleep. I don't feel bad or on edge so that is good.

kzaug2014

Well, I thought I made this morning, but I guess it didn't post lol.

I went to the hospital last night. The good new is my blood work came back normal. The bad news is the ER doctor said my family doctor had to order that adrenal gland test. The worse news is that ER doc didn't seemed clueless about the stains on my hands ( even w/the pictures I took lol. ) That's okay though...I'll just show my own doc in a couple of wks.

I hope everyone had a good wkend.

(( Hugs ))

Blacky

Hope they figure that out kzaug.

So I have they appt. with the pill doctor today and also before that with a Probation Officer at the court house. I am feeling ok. Sleeping good now.

I was a little dizzy yesterday. Not sure if that is medication related. I am not going to look up the side effects of Lexepro because they always end with " and seizures and death" or something like that. ha ha .. along with all manner of other things I might start to imagine.

Looks like it will be a good day, sun is out and it is t-shirt weather.

kzaug2014

I love the humor you inject to our little thread Blacky! It sounds like your taper is going very smoothly. That's great!

Winslow & Patricia, I hope you guys are okay.

I'm starting to feel a bit better now. My doctor's appointment is next Wed, so I can talk to my doc about my concerns then.
I'm also going to the optometrist tomorrow. I'm long overdue for an exam and new glasses. It's been 5yrs! It's amazing how many things I neglected when I was using opiates and benzos. In addition to my eyes, I neglected my health...I was always think, but I didn't eat properly, never exercised and never considered quitting smoking. My extended family...things got so bad that I cut them outta my life. Now, my siblings post about how much they love me on FB. My relationship with God...We went to church for awhile when my 2 youngest kids were teens, but I didn't live the life God wanted me to live & I forgot to pray on & off the entire 10yrs I was on drugs.
About the only thing I consistently maintained was going to my doctor's appointment every month. But, I absolutely needed those methadone scripts.
Giving up drugs was the best decision I've ever made! My life has done an 180!

(( Hugs )) everyone!

Blacky

Thanks k, I have to maintain some humor or I'd probably lose it ya know.

So I had to take a test .. at the P. O's office, yes fill a little cup, ha ha ..
They do random screens for alcohol on me. This is what is called an EtG test that detects any alcohol use going back about 80 hours. I am not worried as I have .. um .. 35 days now. Had to look at a calendar.

Then the pill doctor, she said bring in my klonopin last time. Today she acted like what did you bring this in for. I said because you said to, then she seemed to remember and said thanks and asked what I had left and I told her about 5 cut in half. She said take those then quit and if you have trouble sleeping call her up and she would give me something to help.

I think I have a few more than that and am ok with seeing what happens when I quit. I will have a few for back up just in case. I think I will be alright if I continue to keep busy during the day.

Then I came home changed into work cloths and went and vacuumed out the remaining water in a customers hot tub and installed some chair rail.
So I made a few dollars at least.

Blacky

Slept bad yesterday but last night was ok. Went to sleep early and so woke up at 3:30, 4:30 and got up at 5:30. At least I could go back to sleep easily those fist two times.

This is my alcohol class and group therapy day. Oh joy .. ok ok It can't hurt. The dui alcohol class is information I have heard and read many times over, at least the instructor is pretty good and funny. The CBT group material is also familiar, like I have read this all before, but as I said it can't hurt to reinforce things and also I am showing the court I am serious which is important.

I think I could pass a written test on all of this right now though, on the other hand I failed to maintain a long term plan to stay clean so I know being complacent or thinking " I got this " did not work for me in the past.

Hope everyone has a good day.

patricia68

I'm glad to hear you're feeling better kzaug.

I am trying to taper again. After the last alcohol relapse my anxiety got out of control. Life is very stressful right now. I feel really overwhelmed.

Sorry for the depressing post...I'm just not feeling well today...

kzaug2014

Hey guys,
Blacky, sleep may be inconsistent for awhile. It takes time for our bodies & brains to heal when quitting all drugs, including alcohol and benzos. I think complacency is one of the main reasons people relapse, along w/anxiety and stressful events ( like finding your FIL Patricia. ) Do you have a plan written out Blacky?

I'm really sorry you're not feeling well today, Patricia and please don't apologize for expressing your feelings. I care about you regardless...happy/sad, sober/not, clean/tapering/not, elated/depressed! Message me anytime you want hun.

(( Hugs ))

Blacky

Hope you start feeling better Patricia. I second that you need not worry about what you post. I think it helpful to just let it out however we are feeling.

kzaug I have not written anything down as of yet. Well typing stuff on this forum everyday is keeping things in the forefront but as for my plan .. hmmmm

1. Don't Drink
2. Realize I can never drink and the AV is always waiting to pounce.
3. Keep in mind how much better all things are for me not drinking.
4. Don't forget how horrible I felt when in the cycle of drinking.
5. Maintain or work on a healthy lifestyle and routine.
6. Seek ongoing support from others I can be honest and comfortable with.
7. Ask for help if I feel in need.
8. Realize how fortunate I am to have a decent and sober life.

.. that's all I have off the cuff ..

I intend to read about other programs than AA as I have not as of yet. I have been to many meetings and read the Big Book so I want to see what else is out there.

kzaug2014

That's a great start Blacky! Well done! An alternate program is Rational Recovery ( there are more, but I can't think of them off the top of my head. ) Have a wonderful night!

Blacky

Slept good .. well did have some weird dreams ..
In one I was in some sort fight with Donald Trump on top of a high rise building. I don't remember the outcome but he was fighting dirty.
Another had me in a house that I was supposed to have the job renovating but a guy I used to work with and his crew were doing the job, I stole a dust pan they owned as I was leaving.

Rain here, I will soon check in with the wallpaper Lady and see if all is still a go on that job.

Hope everyone has a good day.

Winslow

Hey all,Blacky dreaming about Donald Trump is never good haha,Patricia, you've been through a lot hon,just keep posting and lean on us for support, I feel like a fool cuz I've not been tapering at all,I don't know if there's a time frame tostart weaning klonopin after going off the booze,there's still a lot of leftover healing and emotions from quitting alcohol and I'm hoping that it settles down, Kzaug,how are you doing? I really hope your regular doctor has some answers for you,especially regarding that odd stain, going to the therapist today and I'm wondering if I should be seeing the physchiatrist instead,the general doc didn't think so and recommend this guy,I dunno,I really don't even feel like going,hope everyone has a fab Friday😊

kzaug2014

Hi all,
Yea, those are some screwy dreams Blacky lol. Mine never make a lick of sense, but usually involve mazes of some sort.

I'm pretty good Winslow, thx. I woke up w/another stomach ache, but it went away, so that's cool. So, do you feel that this therapist isn't helping you much? If that's the case, I'd look for another one...one you click with.

How are you feeling Patricia?

(( Hugs ))

Blacky

I got the wallpaper off in good time. The lady has chosen another shade of brown, I swear it looks just like the last color but it is not. She does write all the colors in a book at least, because no way I could tell if I was to look at the can.

I always tell homeowners to keep all the cans even if empty because they have the formula on them for later touch up. I have been able to go through a house and touch up all the different walls when another family put there house on the market.

I used to work for a new home building company and we would paint the house all the same color just using semi-gloss on the trim and some walls and flat on some walls. I did the final touch up through the house and when I looked over it I had put flat where it should have been semi and vice versa. Grrrrrrrrrrrr ... ha ha ..

I think the beginning of the week I might try and go off the klonopin entirely. When I have a day off maybe in case I don't sleep well. I will see what happens.
My doctor said to stop about then. She also said she would give me something for sleep if needed. I am not big on that given what I have heard about some of those meds.

patricia68

I'm glad you're feeling better kzaug. Today I'm having too much anxiety. 2 weeks alcohol free, I hope it gets better...every relapse is harder than the last. A good reminder to stay sober...

Blacky

I think it will get better Patricia. I know alcohol won't help but make things worse.

Also your cat av reminds me of:

patricia68

You're right Blacky! On both comments! Thank you for posting the pic, it made me smile