P.T.S.D. My horror

[Barelas 24]

Hello All,
I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder ( P.T.S.D. ). My P.T.S.D. is the result of 14 years of violent abuse. I was violently molested and beaten on a daily basis. The molestations started at age 3, so, did the beatings. I would be beat badly with things such as a baseball bat, a hot iron, a crowbar, etc.. The man loved to torture me. As a result of the abuse I suffer from P.T.S.D., anxiety attacks, panic attacks, severe depression and Irritable Bowel Syndrome ( I.B.S. ). I am now under medications and I am starting therapy again. I am hoping this will help me. If anyone could give me any pointers or advice, please post them. I am tired of living in fear and hatred at what he did to me. I am getting better but it seems as though, I will never recover from this. Anything you can tell me would be greatly appreciated.

Thanx,
Barelas24

Recovery from trauma and PTSD is pretty complex. I'll list some of the issues I had to deal with and work through.
Agoraphobia
Social Anxiety
Addiction to abusive relationships and codependency
Performance based acceptance
Self neglect
Passive aggressive
Depression (a few times suicidal)
Panic attacks as severe as they get.
Free floating anxiety every minute
Self hatred
Feeling inferior to everyone
No self confidence

Uncovering the memories
Facing the memories
Dealing with the anger
Grieving over my powerless to change it and the damage it caused me
Dealing with the guilt, which was the hardest for me
Dealing with shame, which still comes in flashbacks
Acceptance
Learning new behaviors and coping methods
Learning to love myself and accept myself (Still very hard)
Getting over being startled by noise (Still very hard)
Having safety be my main goal in life for myself and others (still very hard)
Intrusive thoughts of every possible bad thing that can happen (still very hard)
Obsessive Compulsive and perfectionism (still very hard)

All this mess was lumped together in one ball of emotion. It took some time to sort it all out and put it where it belongs. My higher power helped me through this and showed me what was hidden within me. This was after I exhausted every other resource I could get my hands on. There is much more available now in the way of help than there was when I had to deal with all this.

I am content now and still working on it. It always felt very hopeless when I was going through it, but I found out there are miracles.

It's going to get better!!!

Hugs,
MG

[Barelas 24]

MG,
I have all those problems that you have mentioned. I have been having these problems for 5 years now. I went to see a therapist today ( July 28th ) and she wanted to put me under heavy tranquilizers. I told her, I didnt want those because of the doped feeling. She told me, Then I cant help you. So, I left. I need help but all these Psychiatrists have one answer to everything; Pills, Pills and more Pills. I hate that doped feeling.

Thanx
Barelas24