laraelinds

I have all sorts of anxiety for different reasons. Usually related to stress.
But my biggest fear is being alone.
Not because I'm scared someone will come jump into my window, that I welcome with open arms and a finger on the trigger.
No I fear being alone emotionally.
I fear being without him. And he's leaving me for good after 3 years of what I would gather as the most beautiful yet toxic relationship I'll ever have.
And he will be gone. I'll just be staring at these walls, wondering what he's doing and wishing he cared about how I felt and wishing he was here to hold me at night.
It's down to one day untill he is gone. I was done for a while and now I'm having a melt down.

Kaneda8888

Loneliness used to be my biggest trigger for drinking as well. Over the past year, I have discovered spirituality which enabled me to accept myself for who I am. Once I was able to do that, I began to slowly enjoy my own company. Recently I went travelling for work and was alone for 2 weeks. I did have the occasional thought of being lonely but it was fleeting and I enjoyed the freedom of doing things that I normally wouldnt do as I didnt care what other folks thought. It was quite liberating. The point is that I discovered that once I accept myself and enjoyed my own company, I found there were so many things that I wanted to do and as a result rarely feel lonely anymore.

Stay strong and do post as much as you can. Perhaps try the Newcomers page ?

Astro

Well said, I relate to this very much.

Welcome to SR, please stay and get as much support as possible.

After my second divorce and newly sober it was very easy for me to isolate and stare at the walls and ceiling, contemplating what I thought would be a lifetime of loneliness. My anxiety was cranked up, I didn't sleep much, and my thoughts were very dark.

It took months but eventually I ventured out and started by sitting outdoors at coffee shops, soaking up the sunshine and people watching. The first time a stranger smiled at me I thought I was going to burst. Being out in public turned into an addiction of its own.

AA and CODA meetings filled my life with friends and support. I hope you'll consider reaching out for support. Trust me, there are people like us who want to help us like and love ourselves.

laraelinds

Thank you. I am always sober and have no addiction or alcoholism problems. I joined this blog a year or so ago when I was first reaching out about my addict boyfriend who is now leaving me. This is why I'm freaking out about being alone. So scary. I'm so used to coming home to him and his brother who are both leaving tomorrow morning.

least

My dad used to say that when you're alone, at least you know you're in good company.

DarkLife

so sorry.
i know how it is.
make sure you have someone to rely on, someone to turn to in your grief that understands.
someone who won't berate you, just because it was half toxic. someone you can phone up, or someone who you can call anytime when the grief is high. just have someone.