<--- not very positive

[dotcom]

yeah, im not feeling very positive. i have made the off the wall decision not to go to sleep tonight however i am already falling asleep and its only 7pm here. i will go ahead with my plan of talking to my mom about it, but i think since its been so warm i have extra nightmares which make it difficult to look forward to sleep. i am pretty sad i think. mostly circumstantial. i mentioned this a long time ago, but i turned my room into almost exactly what my ex SO's room looked like and now its really weird to go in my room. and i am sad about some of my old friends who died and i guess he would be considered an old friend.

now, what to do about this? id like to go to sleep but LOL. im also going to get a new therapist ugh. well thanks for listening. im off to journal i think.

Dot,

I hope you can find a peaceful place. Every now and then I feel so peaceful and it's so rare. Our brains just keep running away with us. If I find the off switch I'll let you know where it is.

Hugs,
MG

[dotcom]

thanks mg. im feeling much better today! last night i was very aggressive and paranoid. i decided to go out in my hot tub that i bought last month to relax. so i went out there and the neighbors were playing some stupid pop music way loud and it was about 10:15pm and it infuriated me. so, like a madwoman i rushed and opened my moms sliding glass door, put in some nirvana in her stereo, turned it up to 27 and closed my moms bedroom door so she couldnt hear. i sat in my tub really pissed. then i decided to do some of those postive affirmations/self talk. amazingly it worked! and since last night at around 12am ive felt good. i got to work early and ive been feeling good. granted the good wont last forever, but i am grateful for it while its here! plus i only had a slight nightmare and i got some much needed rest.

anywho, thank you for your reply. im switching therapists again and i hope to connect well with this new person and be able to share openly about my insane feelings. it helps talking with my mom, but she worries and i dont need anyone else worrying about me LOL. plus i have a court date coming up ... dont ask. so that is stressing me out. but, i will rock on because thats what i do. maybe there will be a new med for me to try or a new technique the new therapist has that will really help me? i hope so!

hugs and prayers,

dot

[sidney]

Dot,
I'm sorry, but I dont know what your "SO's" mean. whould you tell me? I've read your post and would like to respond but feel in the dark.
Blessings and Support,
Sidney

[dotcom]

sorry sidney! SO = significant other. kind of confusing i know. thank you for your reply!

hugs,

dot

[zoomer]

(((((((((((((((huggys)))))))))))))