Hi! Checking in

[Don W]

I have not logged on for a few days. I got into one of those moods, that I didn't want to talk to anybody. I was depressed over falling into some past behavior. I still don't feel that great but, isolating makes it worse. Hope you all had a great holiday. Don W

Hi, see what I'm talking about? I wanted to post this on a new thread. I don't know how to move it, and don't have time to repost. Don W

I moved it Don.

I'm sorry you are having a bad time of it. Are you stuck in the self critical mood? I go through that a lot.

Try to be nice to yourself and float with it until it passes.

I've been noticing that I really fall into the obsessive compulsive category. I wonder sometimes if that's not more of my problem than PTSD now. Have you ever gone over that at the VA?

Hugs,
MG

[Anniemsb]

Isn't MG amazing! She has the codes! Hope you are doing better Don, thinking about you and sending you some Love. Annie

[dotcom]

hi don,

i know what you mean. being critical of myself is something i do really well. im ocd, like mg mentioned, and i get stuck on one thing that i goofed on (the old me popped up and said hello) and i feel very remorseful and like i need to distance myself from others. well, i will use almost anything as an excuse to distance myself from other people. so ive been trying to go against "the flow" of my isolating-i'm-not-worthy feelings ... not easy! but, it's a little bit satisfying.

i usually push people away (unfortunately im a lot like jack nicholson on "as good as it gets") especially if we get into a conversation over 5 minutes ... i think my heart is softening though and i may be beginning to see the value of "relationships". even ones that are just daily "hellos" and "how are yous".

im sorry you are feeling depressed. hang in there don! you will rock on.

hugs,
dot

[2stop]

GOOD TO SEE YOU DON! BIG HUGS OF SUPPORT COMING YOUR WAY! undefined

[Don W]

Thanks Guys, Sometimes I fall into old habits. When I do, sometimes my first reaction is to escape. Not talk to people, Hide, pull the covers over my head etc. The good thing is it only lasts for a short time now. It used to be days or longer. I just met the problem head on dealt with it, and now it is over. MG, I have been dealing with this at the VA. I was out there today. I brought my wife so she could meet my new case manager. This time around I have involved my wife in my program. In the past I would lie about what I could and couldn't do. Also, by signing the OK, My wife can be called if I'm not working my program. Anyway, after I went to my group meeting. We started to watch this tape about how our minds belive the lies they were told. Also, how the confused feelings effect us. We ran out of time, so I will take notes and fill you in. I was able to identify with it, and I think it might help you guys also. The part that matched me so far is as follows. My mind believes the lies that it was taught about me being dumb etc. However, over the years my experence has caused feelings that don't match. If, this makes sense? I think I'm stupid and won't amount to anything but, I don't feel that way. Because of this contridiction, I have always needed people to tell me I'm smart etc. In other words, I feel I'm OK, and they THINK I'm OK. Then, when they say things nice I have problems accepting them, because my mind has set up a barrier using the lies it believes. The film gave us situations, and had us close our eyes and picture what they made us think of. What we pictured was completly different than what we knew to be true. So, when I close my eyes and picture myself, I picture they lies and not what I feel. I hope I'm explaining this right? My job, and I guess yours also, Is to get my mind to picture the truth. I have to get back to work. Like I said, I'll post more after watching the whole film. Hang in there guys, we'll make it. Don W

[sidney]

Don,
Im glad you got your wife involved. She obviously loves and cares about you so isolating her would not benifit your marriage. Im sorry you were having such a hard time. Your post makes total sense to me. Im constantly putting myself down in my mind, calling myself stupid and worse, yet I know I am extremely intellegent. I think it makes things worse because for me I feel more dissapointment in myself.
Take care.
Sid

[Don W]

Thanks Sidney, Although I'm still trying to reverse this problem, at least I'm getting answers to the reasons for some of my problems. I guess that it the first step to recovery, by that I mean understanding the problem. I just didn't understand that it was possible for my feelings and mind to contridict each other. Have a good weekend. Don W

[sidney]

Don,
I hope you have improved and are feeling better. What a mess things can be. Me, myself am going on a downward spirial. It seem daily I am harder and harder on myself. You should hear the things that come out of my mouth towards myself. Its like there's another person in my head always telling me how bad I am (keeping this clean). I think part of it is the helpless feeling I have when it comes to Jared. This last situation with the police, paramedics, and fire department made me feel tramatized. I can only imagine how it made Jared feel.
Didnt mean to ramble so about myself. Let me know how your doing. We dont have any water now so I cant even do the dishes to keep busy.
Always care,
Sidney

[Gabe]

Big hugs to Don.
Big hugs to Sidney.

[sidney]

BIG, BIG HUGS TO GABE FOR CARING SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sidney

[Don W]

Hi Guys, I'm getting back to my old self, or maybe my new old self, or mayby my old new self. As you can see there are many selfs in my life but, the best self in my life is yourselves. I just have to remember to process the information I collect, if I try to store to much I get overwhelmed and have melt down. Has this happened to you?
It is sort of like when I get 15 projects going around the house, I get overwhelmed and none of them get done. I can't even explain the melt down but, I know it when I get it. Don W