hypochondriac

So it's become increasingly clear to me after nearly two years of sobriety that I suffer from some sort of anxiety disorder. The majority of the time it is totally irrational and not related to anything environmental that I can tell and I often get physical symptoms before I even notice I am anxious, churning stomach, hives... I have a therapist who I can talk to about this who has also suggested I am on the autistic spectrum which would explain a lot of this, but the reason I wanted to post here was that today I actually thought of this as the reason I drank, and that if life is this difficult sober maybe drinking was a good medication for me... total AV moment I know, but it helps to write it down and I just wondered what other people's experience of anxiety has been in sobriety, coping mechanisms and motivation for staying sober etc... Is this something that will go away in time (I am not holding my breath) or just something that becomes more manageable?

matt4x4

I drank because I am an alcoholic, simple. Not from what anyone did. I chose to pick up the drink to change the way I felt. No one put a gun to my head and said "Son if you dont drink that poison, I am going to kill you son" I drink because I say "Brain, its going to be different this time and heres how or why" and knowing exactly what happens from the millions of other past expiriences, why do I still pick up that drink, knowing full well what happens? Its not because I am autistic, or childhood molestation or trauma.

Bubovski

I don't think alcoholism is the root cause of all suffering.
Rather, it will exacerbate all of our troubles and weaknesses.
Some people choose to drink to temporarily feel better, despite the consequences.
Others drink to camouflage perceived social lack, such as shyness, depression etc.
In both cases alcohol fails miserably to provide any permanent solution....

Climber122

Hypochondriac,

I am going to put a bit of optimism out there for you. I too suffered from anxiety disorder, and I can say having just celebrated 5 years sober that it is almost gone! I still get short of breath/dizzy and occasionally feel some agoraphobia in stressful situations, but honestly I feel I am just about out of the woods with anxiety which I never thought would be possible I have realized that my current sound mental health is completely dependent on sobriety - for whatever reason, as people with alcoholism, the changes that occur in our brains present as anxiety whenever we take any amount of drink and then deny our body a drink the next time. We get to go through the horror of panic attacks all over again.

I think what you say about drinking to cope with anxiety is completely valid. To deny our motivations is to deny the key we use to change our behaviors. "I'm just a drunk" mentality cuts it for some but not for all. As a person with autism, you have some unique insight to offer the world and I'm glad you've chosen to get sober and let that flourish! My encouragement to you is that the longer you stay sober, the more and more the anxiety will diminish.

As far as coping mechanism for panic attacks themselves, regular prayer or meditation (or both), AA meetings, long walks, and deep breathing exercises have really benefited me. Maybe a bit of that might help - good luck!

hypochondriac

Thank you for your responses

Matt, I am totally capable of separating my addiction from other issues in my life and am well beyond the stage of looking for excuses. My only concern now is that my anxiety occasionally makes my AV kick off. I think Climber is right in that our physical craving presents as anxiety as well so it is all interrelated. I think it will take some time for the association of drinking for anxiety to pass, but also I worried slightly that my motivation to stay sober would drop if it doesn't improve. Thanks for the hope x

Randummy

If you've been sober for two years and you've still got anxiety with no real trigger then go and see your GP. I have a similar thing in that I vomit, get stomach pains, sweat etc even when I think I'm okay. I drink to kind of relax that reflex but that's not a good way to deal with it as it obviously crops up as soon as I stop drinking! I take medication for my mental health problems and there is no shame in going to see your GP as you could get some cognitive behavioral therapy etc. I meditate every day and it has helped so much. My medication has worked wonders too and I think if it's been two years, now would be a good time to get some medical help.

hypochondriac

Thanks Randummy. I actually can't remember posting this now but I did go to my GP after I let it get worse and worse... I took beta-blockers for a few months and it really helped. It totally stopped all the physical symptoms which left me free to sort my head out. Which I am doing gradually. I think I was having a bad time when I posted this, it's much more manageable now. I get the odd few days/weeks of anxiety here and there but for the most time I am okay, and I am constantly working on my head to try and make me more rational

Dave36

My greatest fear is that the anxiety I've was suffering the last few years of my drinking and now into my sobriety won't go away. I know drinking caused it. I'm afraid I've damaged my brain beyond repair. I feel your pain. When it's really bad it's the worst feeling in the world and it's hard to explain to someone who's never had it. It even seems some people don't believe you about it. Or say thing like just relax and breathe. I know how terrible it can be.

hypochondriac

Oh no one believes me. My doctor diagnosed me with an anxiety disorder so I occasionally tell people as an excuse for not overloading myself. People say things like you hide it well, like I should be rocking backwards and forwards in the corner. Truth is I cope fine with my anxiety, I go to work and do all the stuff I am meant to do. But my head will just be driving me crazy and I feel sick and on the edge of insanity.

I had a lot of anxiety caused by drinking Dave, but there it was, still there a year or so later. It is nowhere near as bad as my drinking anxiety cos when you mix normal anxiety in with withdrawals it ain't fun. I think mine really is caused by being slightly on the spectrum though. I can't do social as well as I did drunk. It was my coping strategy really. But I manage it now. I have structure and rules in place... I try not to have more than one social occasion a month and if I go out I always leave early. I get all my social needs from volunteering and walking my dog, I get to speak to people for a limited period of time in a structured environment and that suits me better. Truth is I have more friends now than I ever had when I was drinking. Now I have finally accepted myself I can work with what I was given to work with and stop trying to make myself something I am not. Honesty really helps with those anxiety levels

AddictGuy

Hey Hypo,

How's jolly ole England?

I just know that I would lose my mind with worry if I didn't meditate. I had therapy for anxiety and depression, I am sure they could have come up with some name for my condition -- after all that is what the medical community does -- come up with names for things. And I am not saying that some things don't deserve names, and are "real" and sometimes meds can help. But I had heard enough about people who struggled as much because of their meds as they did with their anxieties . . . or more. I am not a doctor and don't pretend to be. I just know that my particular kind of insanity, whatever you can call it, responds wonderfully to meditation. To me, it's like, you get on top of your thinking or your thinking gets on top of you. And, for me, meditation makes the difference. It is "the" difference.

And mantras. I can come up with things I repeat to myself, beautiful, reassuring, optimistic things and it can just drown out the anxiety stuff so it can never really build up a head of steam. I highly recommend meditation and mantras, Hypo.

This one book I was ready -- this medical professional was saying. If you have moderate mental issues, you can try moderate amounts of meditation. If you have more sever anxieties and such, well then do even more meditation. I swear, give me that stuff. It's clean, it's free, it is always available. I just don't think I would be alive and functioning without it. It is "the" difference in my mental well being. And let's face it, your mental state is your life.

You may well be amazed and how peaceful and joyful you can make it between your ears. I know I am.

hypochondriac

Thanks Addictguy, y'know I have been meaning to start meditating since day one of my sobriety... I am a procrastinator, I really need to just get started. That can be my new mission this year. I have decided that this year I am really gonna focus on myself and I even finally got a sponsor. Better late than never hey?

Dave36

Have you tried Kava hypochondriac? It's controversial in the recovery community. Helps me sometimes. I don't by the herbal remedy crap normally but there is a definite effect. Google it. It's effect is similar to low doses of Valium but without the addictive qualities. You drink it. It tastes terrible but no worse than cheap booze I'm sure we've all resorted too. I'm not sure of the legality of it in Europe. I know Germany banned it for a while but has since lifted the ban. I believe its legal in the uk to order online. Just something to look into. It does work and there is a growing group of recovering alcoholics who swear by it.

AddictGuy

Hypo,

Thanks for getting back. Glad you were considering meditating, for your sake.

Funny about that: If I don't do it enough to do me any good, I put it off like everything. If I am doing it enough to help me, I can't wait to do it and it is my number one cool thing to do. Then I can go through my whole day basking in the benefits. You will, find, however, that like so many things, it takes a while to "take". But then you are rolling.

Imagine that you, say, procrastinate about it now, but then looking back later, you might find yourself saying: where has this stuff been all my life. At least you know it is available. Anxiety is a living hell. I just want you to be happy. I know this can help, and from what you are saying here, I feel so strongly that it can do wonders.

I have been there. I now know I have a choice. The power to control the issue is in my hands. I wish you well.

hypochondriac

Tbh Dave the beta blockers work well enough for me. They completely get rid of the physical symptoms it's just the head stuff that's left and it is so intermittent to not be much of a problem these days. But I do think regular meditation would help. A lot of buddhist philosophy has helped me in my recovery so I think it will fit in with my mindset...

Dave36

Cool. Hope it works for you!!

AddictGuy

AddictGuy

This book I was reading by these two scientists, one religious, one not, was saying you can actually take meditation completely out of a religious context and still get the same benefits. I don't use it in a religious or really even in a philosophical sense. I just use it as a secular therapeutic thing. You can use it in any context you like, as long as it is not hostile.

Hypo, peace of mind is a wonderful, wonderful thing. If you have peace of mind you can handle anything. Anything.

ANewDayNYC

8 Minute Meditation by Victor Davich or the Iphone App called Headspace (has 10 free sessions) are both great ways to start mediating. Meditating (along with exercise) have been important tools for overcoming anxiety.