Do I look normal?

[Don W]

Hi Everyone, I am at the VA Hospital waiting for my group meeting. I have been thinking about something funny so, I thought I'd post something upbeat.
I was walking around looking at some of the Veterans and some of them have lost much of their minds for different reason. First off, I'm not making fun at them. Anyway, as I walked by one thinking he looked strange I was wondering he was thinking the same about me. How do you know if you look crazy? I mean, could I sit in the Cafe with a bunch of other Veterans, have someone come in and pick who they thought was normal. Would they pick me.
Reminds me of when I first came to the program here about a year ago. There were 2 other guys in my room and they looked scary. After a few weeks we had become friends. I told them that when I first got here I decided to stay away from them. They laughed and said they both decided when they saw me " This guy is way out there and not comming back. I told my wife one time on the bus that I could tell the Vets going to the VA because they looked like lost souls. She said, I know what you are saying, only I don't have to look further than the seat next to me. So, are we better off being a little crazy and knowing it, or being crazy and not knowing it.
Then again, sometimes I think I'm OK, and read some of the posts. Some of the posters talk about feeling crazy, and I feel right at home. If, my doctor here thinks I'm a little off, and I think I look normal. Do I even know what normal is. Don W

I would prefer to know that I'm a little off myself.

I think we are ok as long as we take a shower at least 4 times a week, lol.

I kind of like it when people think they need to stay away from me. That takes care of the social anxiety. If the kids still say I'm nice then I know I'm ok. Kids can see right through all the garbage.

Hugs

[Don W]

Hi Morning Glory, I know what you mean about the kids. That is why I double bag.
All kidding aside, I had a great meeting today. The doctor gave us a good idea. When we are feeling stress this could help change the focus from the negitive. There was one Vet there that was having a hard time. He asked him if over the last few weeks or even longer did anything happen, did you see something that made you feel good.
He said " Yes, about a month ago I got a leather craft and put it together. He took the walet out and showed us. He said he was happy that he was able to do it. Then he got into telling us how he was going do make other items for gifts. He ended up forgetting all about the other issues. Dr. Seigall, told us that if we can find away to change our focus on an issue, we could learn how to to put things into perspective. He was saying that we could write pleasent things down and take them out and read them. Maybe a reminder of a funny movie or a trip we took. I am going to try it. Sometimes, I've moved on and don't realize it. Example, awhile back when I went back to the VA while having some problems. I was talking in a group that most were new to recovery. I was telling them about my problems at work and sometimes with my wife. Some of them said, you have a job? You still live with your family? We wish we had your problems. They were right. I started thinking about my job and my family and it was like a beautiful sunrise. Don W

I've been thinking of the same things on both your posts this week Don.

I was just thinking about the things I've wanted in life that I never received. Then I stopped and thought about how much I have and had to be grateful. There are many in the world with some real trouble and who really do without the basic necessities.

I find that helping someone else helps me get my mind off myself. I remember one time long ago I was in the depth of despair. I was driving my kids home from school and was struggling to survive at the time. As I was driving I saw this boy lying in the middle of the road. He fell of his bike and was mentally retarded and just decided to stay there. I helped him up and sent them on his way and realized how much better I felt afterward. I think that's why giving away what we have is so important.

I also try to keep my mind busy trying new things and learning new things so I don't have much time to fall into the negative thinking patterns. That also helps me. That saying that the idle mind is the devil's playground is so true for me.

Please continue to share what you learn with the rest of us.

I'm so proud of you Don. You bring us all hope.

Hugs,
MG

[dotcom]

Don,

hello. good post! i can relate about thinking i am okay and rocking on ... but wondering what people really think of me when they glance at me. i've been told i have an old soul (im only 20) and get asked if i am okay many many times ... i don't smile much unless i'm with people i know, and i get scared very easily ... and i react to that by lashing out to even people ive never had any contact with before.

and yeah, i can relate to feeling crazy ... i am trying to get over the stigma of having a mental illness. but i feel like i "wear my heart on my sleeve" sometimes. is that the right phrase? like i am transparent and no matter how hard i try to keep it together i just can't. then i lash out, haha.

well, thanks for the thought provoking thread! hugs and prayers coming your way.

dot

[Ann]

Great post, Don (and I am glad to see you back). I often wonder what I used to look like when my codependency was running rampant. Probably much older than my years and very troubled. Today I can actually look in the mirror and see a happy vibrant person looking back at me, and I am grateful.

Replacing the negative with positive works for me too. Instead of bemoaning my shortcomings and problems, I have learned to count my many blessings, and that has made all the difference. My actions required change too. Instead of isolating all the time (some isolation is peaceful to me, but I tend to do it too much), I now make a very small list of things to do that will take me outside my house and outside myself, even a walk on the beach, or a trip to the store, or to church, and sometimes it takes a real effort to go, but I always feel better when I do.

You have always been an inspiration to me, Don, and today I am going to make a special point of just seeing the beauty and finding joy in it.

Hugs
Ann

[Don W]

Hi Everyone, I am not normally at work on Saturday night. I recieved a call from the hospital asking me to come in and sterilize a special kit that was being sent in by messenger. I came in and took care of it. They made a big deal out of me doing it. Heck, if it was my child having surgery I'd want someone to do it. Anyway, I got to log on and read your wonderful posts. I was feeling kind of strange. Sometimes situations set off a desire to drink. I was thinking on the way to the hospital, when I was drinking I would have loved to recieve a call like this. It would get me out of the house on Saturday night. I've finished my work, it is only 1am, I could drink all night, go home in morning. I decided to post my feelings and found your posts. MG, Dot and Anne. I also am inspired by the wisdom you share on the boards. When I feel tempted like today, I know all I have to do is reach out my hand and God and his angels will help. When I leave here I will be stronger just having felt the care and support I feel from your words. God puts so many things in our life to inspire us. I need to step back sometimes and look, not through the eyes of dispare but, through the eyes of hope. I am blessed tonight. I've had a chance to help a child get better, and talked with you.
Don W

The journey may feel long at times but, remember there are flowers along the way.