Will it ever get better

[ainsley1]

I'm having a really hard time right now.... I went off my depression meds about 3 months ago and it's been a struggle. I was doing OK until some small thing triggered it, just like it has always done since I was a kid. Some rude person will make a comment and it will send me spiralling into a black hole of doom. It is really the stupidest thing and I realize that, but if it's not one thing it's another. I will feel ok for about a week- a month, then some insignificant thing will happen and I break down. It's like I can't handle the smallest stress. I have been crying several times a day now for two weeks or more over some random passive agressive remark made by an anonymous online person. How stupid is that?

I am seeing a psychologist but she's no help-- she says "What you are going through is normal" and blows me off, apparently her own problems are worse than mine and she loves to tell me about them. Maybe she thinks it will make me realize how stupid my issue is? I know how stupid it is but I can't get past it. I am super sensitive and I've been that way all my life. People just tell me to toughen up, or you're being self absorbed etc, but I can't help it, it's just how I am.

Whenever I see the psychologist I can't seem to express what my problem is, I always act so perfect and well adjusted whenever I see her, even my husband thinks I function ok, but he can't see how distressed I feel every single moment of the day in between crying attacks. Sometimes it gets so bad that I lose my ability to do much of anything and have to go back on my meds for a while...

I used to be very shy, thought I got over that with the help of meds, but now all I want to do is avoid people. I look at everyone around me and I just feel like every single person is an evil scary being. I have bawling attacks from morning until night. Husband thinks I am crazy.....

I don't want to rely on medication to function, I would like to be able to just "toughen up" but not matter how many people talk to/ books read I can't do it... I get so depressed thinking that my two baby girls will grow up and just get thrown into this pit of vipers that is the world, and I feel bad that I ever chose to bring them into the world.... what a loser I am that I can't teach them to be a strong functioning human being because I can't even be one myself....

I know there are people on here with much worse problems than this but I have to get this off my chest, call me a crazy self absorbed neurotic woman, fine, that's what I am, but I need to know if I will ever be able to function without meds. My psychologist blew me off and told me to come back in 4 weeks. This is the 3rd psychologist that has done this to me.

Oh... I have been reading some books on anxiety and trying to utilize cbt but while I "get" it rationally, it doesn't work emotionally, so far anyway....

[bryangt]

I feel for you. It's tough to pull oneself out of a pit. I read a book called "Believing in Myself" daily (daily meditation readings) it helps, but I know I must do the work. I also try not to look at life as a huge & overwhelming issue. I try & take it one day or even one minute at a time. Trying to do the next right thing as it crosses my plate. That probably doesn't help you much...I used to take anti-depressants but have not used in over 10 months now...I try to treat quiet times as solitude rather than loneliness also. I pray a lot.