Social Anxiety and that 10,000 lb telephone - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Onewithwings · 02-06-2012, 02:38 PM

My social anxiety is really bad, especially WRT people I don't know all that well, which, since I'm new to NA in this town, would be all the women on my phone list, some of whom I can't even put a face to their name. I'm having a crummy day and feel like using... not to the extent where I think I actually WILL, but I'm definitely having cravings. SR is great but only helps me so much. I don't have the numbers of my old NA friends, because they were all in my cell phone, which was stolen a few weeks ago. My social anxiety has been my downfall so many times, and I don't know how to get over it. It is truly crippling, like I can't even make a simple phone call when it's acting up. I feel like I need to be high or drunk or something just to use the phone, which would defeat the reason I need to use it in the first place. It is really depressing to me. How can I get the help I need when I can't reach out for it?

Eyebrow · 02-14-2012, 07:42 AM

I got social anxiety too, once I was sober it was hard for me to relate to people, especially non alcoholics and non drig addicts.

There is always alot of fear for me about what others think and what all bad could happen so instead of dealing with it I avoid it.

The problem is after years of it I got really isolated and lonely.

Still to this day I have no friends offline.

I think it's because I don't want to have to deal with a crisis or anything emotionally unpleasant more then I have to with my own family and the net allows me to disconnect.

paintedblack · 02-14-2012, 07:57 AM

Onewithwings, Thanks for your post. I have anxiety issues with making phone calls too. I was almost out of my medication last week and had to call my psych for a refill. Even that phone call makes me anxious. In fact, I think it makes me more anxious because it is directly related to my anxiety (if that makes sense). I get so angry when I have to hound the people at the behavioral health clinic for a refill of anxiety medication. Don't you think they, of all people, should be a little more compassionate to the needs of their patients? I guess I shouldn't take it out on them (I never talk to my psych directly, but his secretaries instead), they don't really know the details of my personal health issues. But after making two calls to them without any results, I had a panic attack and asked my mom to call for me. I am 30 yrs old and she doesn't understand why the call is so difficult for me. She was trying to get me to call because she felt like she was just enabling my anxiety bu doing it for me. (Perhaps she is getting my addiction & my mental health issues confused...?) I don't know.
I also had trouble calling the women from the program on my phone list. I'm guessing you haven't found a sponsor yet because you are in a new town. I am also in a new town & having a hard time feeling comfortable in a new fellowship. I don't have a sponsor here yet but my last sponsor was so great. I called her everyday (she insisted). It was a little hard at first but was so helpful after I got used to it. She was only 2 years older than me and someone I would choose to be friends with even outside of the rooms. I thought that was really important because it was easier to be comfortable telling her my darkest secrets.
As far as the 10000 lb telephone (good analogy), just remember that it's never as bad as you imagine and you always feel better after you do it.
Take care!

Scolova · 02-14-2012, 08:20 AM

I was like that until just a few months back, quitting the drink has helped me in many ways socially. I have talked over the phone with many people in the last month that would've have sent me into a panic in the past... Hospital nurses & doctors, Insurance people, City's public works dept - they're doing work in our backyard and the thought of that use to scare me to near death. I sure hope you can make it past the 'hump' in your recovery and just start talking with them, they will understand and should help.

paintedblack · 02-14-2012, 08:27 AM

I agree Scolova, I also have made leaps and bounds with my anxiety since getting sober. I filed for bankruptcy in early recovery (which among other things, was related to my avoidance of making calls to creditors and debtors, which my drug use allowed me to further avoid). Anyway, bankruptcy kind of forces you to deal with such things. I simply could not have done it while I was still using.
So, yes, I agree that sober living helps fight social anxiety!!

02-06-2012, 02:38 PM	#1 (permalink)
Onewithwings Member Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Tucson, AZ Posts: 628	Social Anxiety and that 10,000 lb telephone My social anxiety is really bad, especially WRT people I don't know all that well, which, since I'm new to NA in this town, would be all the women on my phone list, some of whom I can't even put a face to their name. I'm having a crummy day and feel like using... not to the extent where I think I actually WILL, but I'm definitely having cravings. SR is great but only helps me so much. I don't have the numbers of my old NA friends, because they were all in my cell phone, which was stolen a few weeks ago. My social anxiety has been my downfall so many times, and I don't know how to get over it. It is truly crippling, like I can't even make a simple phone call when it's acting up. I feel like I need to be high or drunk or something just to use the phone, which would defeat the reason I need to use it in the first place. It is really depressing to me. How can I get the help I need when I can't reach out for it? __________________ Addict, Aspie, Mother, Painter *"Denial is a warm, thick blanket, and you're naked underneath." --My Brain!*

02-14-2012, 08:20 AM	#4 (permalink)
Scolova dude in recovery Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: Gulf Coast, TX Posts: 1,506 Blog Entries: 2	I was like that until just a few months back, quitting the drink has helped me in many ways socially. I have talked over the phone with many people in the last month that would've have sent me into a panic in the past... Hospital nurses & doctors, Insurance people, City's public works dept - they're doing work in our backyard and the thought of that use to scare me to near death. I sure hope you can make it past the 'hump' in your recovery and just start talking with them, they will understand and should help. __________________ ScotA "I've never seen anyone drink themselves smart, successful or happy. Most end up broke, bitter and alone. <anonymous>

02-14-2012, 07:42 AM	#2 (permalink)
Eyebrow Member Join Date: Feb 2012 Location: USA Posts: 19	I got social anxiety too, once I was sober it was hard for me to relate to people, especially non alcoholics and non drig addicts. There is always alot of fear for me about what others think and what all bad could happen so instead of dealing with it I avoid it. The problem is after years of it I got really isolated and lonely. Still to this day I have no friends offline. I think it's because I don't want to have to deal with a crisis or anything emotionally unpleasant more then I have to with my own family and the net allows me to disconnect.

02-14-2012, 07:57 AM	#3 (permalink)
paintedblack Member Join Date: Feb 2012 Location: Hyper-emotional State Posts: 23	Onewithwings, Thanks for your post. I have anxiety issues with making phone calls too. I was almost out of my medication last week and had to call my psych for a refill. Even that phone call makes me anxious. In fact, I think it makes me more anxious because it is directly related to my anxiety (if that makes sense). I get so angry when I have to hound the people at the behavioral health clinic for a refill of anxiety medication. Don't you think they, of all people, should be a little more compassionate to the needs of their patients? I guess I shouldn't take it out on them (I never talk to my psych directly, but his secretaries instead), they don't really know the details of my personal health issues. But after making two calls to them without any results, I had a panic attack and asked my mom to call for me. I am 30 yrs old and she doesn't understand why the call is so difficult for me. She was trying to get me to call because she felt like she was just enabling my anxiety bu doing it for me. (Perhaps she is getting my addiction & my mental health issues confused...?) I don't know. I also had trouble calling the women from the program on my phone list. I'm guessing you haven't found a sponsor yet because you are in a new town. I am also in a new town & having a hard time feeling comfortable in a new fellowship. I don't have a sponsor here yet but my last sponsor was so great. I called her everyday (she insisted). It was a little hard at first but was so helpful after I got used to it. She was only 2 years older than me and someone I would choose to be friends with even outside of the rooms. I thought that was really important because it was easier to be comfortable telling her my darkest secrets. As far as the 10000 lb telephone (good analogy), just remember that it's never as bad as you imagine and you always feel better after you do it. Take care!

02-14-2012, 08:27 AM	#5 (permalink)
paintedblack Member Join Date: Feb 2012 Location: Hyper-emotional State Posts: 23	I agree Scolova, I also have made leaps and bounds with my anxiety since getting sober. I filed for bankruptcy in early recovery (which among other things, was related to my avoidance of making calls to creditors and debtors, which my drug use allowed me to further avoid). Anyway, bankruptcy kind of forces you to deal with such things. I simply could not have done it while I was still using. So, yes, I agree that sober living helps fight social anxiety!!

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