its been awhile since i have been here

[mistee]

its really been awhile since i have been here i have been busy tryin to stay off my computer so much and then it broke down and that didnt help me much

i am not sure why but lately my panic attacks are hitting me upside the head at times the panic attacks that hit me when i first wake up really shake me the worst cuz i cant figure out what and why it was triggered then i walk around my home in a daze it seems. i have been back on effexior meds since nov and maybe i need something for the panic and aniexty i have to but i also started back to therapy once a month too due to my income i dont have enought to go weekly in my budget

i still have court issues that are going on and might last another yr it all depends on next court date what the judge says if she allows my son to come home

since recently i found out that my cps worker is using my bipolar and post tramic stress against me to keep my son in foster care or worse putting him up for adoption. i look back on all this and i can see that i have done everything the judge has asked me to do my attorney tells me i need to tell him what is happening on a monthly sometimes weekly thing so he is aware of things so i do that too
on top of it i am still drug and booze free and accepting things as they are to the best of my ability to live and work the program in all my affairs the part that i am also frustrated by is the worker has the assuming thoughts that once an addict always the addict thing and that they are using my disorders and my sons autism in a matter to take him from me for good

i am scared by all of this not knowing the outcome of anything leaving it up to attorneys and the judge to i know i have changed what i can (ME) the things i do are differently then they were 6 months ago working the steps more and writing them too
So i think if i do therapy working the steps in my life i have not a thing to worry about and keep doing what i need to do for my home like i have been keeping laundry up and dishes making sure the home is picked up daily
my sleep is all over the place i think i sleep better during the day then i do at nite
all i can do is let it go and trust in my higher power
hugs mistee

Hello Mistee,

Sounds like you are doing every thing you can.

I had a couple of panic attacks last week and couldn't figure out what was going on. It turned out to be from the cough medicine I was taking. Once I stopped it the panic was gone. I never had that happen before.

Keep doing the next right thing and let God take care of it. I wish you could get out from under Social Services. It must really be hard to have them trying to run your life.

How is your daughter doing?

Hugs,
MG

[mistee]

Morning glory
she is doing wonderful lately when i had to put her out for having wine in her room in april it forced her to grow up some she isnt using and working she is trying to break up with her b/friend but since they are young they play games with each other
i give her support the best i can she is staying with me cuz she left the home that was a drug home in sept i couldnt turn my back on her
so she is paying her way helping with food and giving me money to help with the bills today she thanks me for being the mom i was back in april and showing her i am not going to put up with crap from her or her friends she needs to get a half credit and she will be done with high school
i am praying she does that in spring term since she wants to go to college to become a vet still she is realizing some of the friends she has are losers (these are her words ) lol not my own
our relationship is rebuilding and she is upset with herself cuz in june i called her to come help me clean the home and help with her brother to help me when i broke my foot back then she helps with the home now and it is staying totally clean
the thing that (pisses me off ) is this my worker hasnt stepped foot in my home since she removed my son for my home being messy and since the judge complimented me and gave me more visits in sept now she is trying to take my son from me for good
mg it is so frustrating and what my attorney tells me is not to react to what they are saying when we have meetings to keep my cool and write down what is being said about me
they have gone so far to say that i have used drugs too but when i say i want a pee test done she makes excuses
they have accused me of being a flight risk and basically they are doing what they can not to reunite me and my son so that i can ,maybe move to another state i wont leave without my son
i have told my worker many times since all this crap has started
that i will fight her legally as long as i can to get my son back in my care
i know others who have mental disorders too like my self and they have there children i pay my bills today and i make sure my home has food and plenty of clothes for my son and teen but she is wanting to do her own stuff now (thank god for that) so they are trying to say i am not stable how is that possible i take meds now go to therapy pay my bills today and clean my home and no one bothers to show up to see changes to me it doesnt make sense
only god knows the truth and they have scammed and lied many times the most recent was on tuesday when they called me to cancel my visit saying i had court that day
well i called the courts to find out (guess what ) no court for me it is on dec 16th in return i get no visit this week that made me very sad i tried not to let it go to depression but it did i went to sleep to cope with it cuz otherwise i cried most of the day
love and hugs
mistee

Mistee,

I'm sorry you have to go through all of this.

Lets just pray that you get a new worker that believes more in reuniting the family.

I have developmentally disabled with children. We've had to call CPS a couple of times and they work with them and keep the family together.

Your worker sounds pretty heartless.

God is bigger so hang on to your faith.

Hugs,
MG

[mistee]

o i think i forgot to tell u this part of it they have a local college here that will help parents with autistic kids right well i have been trying to take this class for months and unable to due to finicall reasons
right now i was informed last month that they have the funds to send foster mom to these classes when i go to court i am going to bring to this to the judges attention i have been asking for help to go in this class since my son was returned home to me last march
my worker is heartless and i think when in june i called her a cold heartless bitch sorry for language but i was angry when i said it
but when i look in her eyes i see evil lies and deciet
hugs mistee

I've worked with people like that Mistee.

I've seen them railroad the sweetest clients into lock up for political reasons or financial reasons. They never even go talk to the client. They just make up their minds without even knowing them. It really makes me angry. I'm always calling them names too.

There are some evil people in this world.

Hugs,
MG