~Silent Song~

[2stop]

How are you doing? Haven't seen you in awhile..hope you are alright. (((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))

[Silent_Song]

Okay I guess. How are you? Thank you for asking. Haven't visited the forum in a while. Been thinking a lot...

Here's what I’ve been thinking.....

What is PTSD precisely? I’ve tried to deal with this is in so many ways. The essential issue however is trusting others, especially those we don't really know. People with PTSD have on some fundamental level an inability to trust their fellow man. Its about understanding the human condition.... What is this “human condition?� What is it? How do people move in the day to day... I know is sounds somewhat warped but... Its norms, its boundaries that consume our day to day lives are only the surface aspects of social interactions; that is, the superficial or rudimentary things that make trust possible between people... I’m not very open with people. Trying to get over this thing I guess... Its time for me to let it go but there’s something there incubating in me.

I keep having this dream... I’m in Somalia and the city (Mogadishu) is empty I’m walking down the street and I see a Somali boy and he calls out... “You are my friend!� but he starts running from me. I try and follow but I can’t keep up. He’s always ducking behind one building or the next but I never see anybody but him. I’m very scared... Finally I start catching up with him and I think I have him... I turn the corner and I see my two year old daughter. She’s standing there in the city all alone and suddenly there are millions of people around her and I can’t get to her. There’s a wall of humanity between us. I keep dreaming this dream.

Here are some lyrics... Galapagos ... Smashing Pumpkins... underrated band.

"Ain't it funny how we pretend we're still a child
Softly stolen under our blanked skies
And rescue me from me and all that I believe

I won't deny the pain, I won't deny the change
And should I fall from grace here with you
Will you leave me, too?

Carve out your heart for keeps in an old oak tree
And hold me for goodbyes and whispered lullabyes
And tell me I am still the man I`m supposeed to be

I won't deny the pain, I won't deny the change
And should I fall from grace here with you
Will you leave me, too?

To late to turn, to turn back now I'm running out of sound
And I am changing and if we died right now
This fool you love somehow is here with you

I won't deny the pain, I won't deny the change
And should I fall from grace here with you
Will you leave me, too?"

[2stop]

The human condition. I believe as humans we are here to love..and to be loved. Sadly many hearts are cold and cruel and like in Somalia drug and gun trade and exploitation of food and medicine aid is used greedily by the warlords.

Your dream is very interesting and I believe it is your subconscious trying to come to terms with vulnerability and allowing yourself to love and feel again, the good and the bad. The Somali boy running....classic PTSD, understandable where he lives. He distrusts even help, because he knows many will even exploit the good. The wall of humanity surrounding your daughter and you cannot get to her to me is your deepest fears of vulnerability, of feeling unable to help when you were in Somalia. Maybe you fear your daughter will be exposed to humans as ruthless as those over there. Boundaries and norms are so complicated in war and in everyday life. We have to decide if we will risk the pain and possible loss that loving and trusting fellow humankind involves. Will we fulfill our purpose while on earth to love as many as we can? and to also open up to recieve that love? We need and crave intimacy with others, yet with PTSD overcoming the distrust is a long process and a ot of work. It does get so cold in our world of holding back warm and loving emotions, but I think once we start to, little by little....we warm up to the fact that there are good and decent and honest people in this world, and as we grow in learning to open up with small steps, baby steps..we see that to love and be loved is the purpose.I believe that for me. War makes it more complicated, but I believe it is an unselfish act of the greatest love when our soldiers go to such devasatated countries and offer them the chance of a life. The scars afterwards are severe, as you well know. Maybe you can take comfort knowing what you did MATTERED, I imagine many were grateful beyond words that you guys showed up. The others, they will meet their maker one day and God will sort it all out. But you tried to make a difference, I know I am idealistic, but I believe in my heart that helping the weakest and poorest in the world is a very honorable calling. I just wish I knew a cure to help you through the trauma......Do you have a dog? a cat? maybe start with opening up your heart to a pet, volunteer at ahomeless shelter, something where you can give love and you don't have to worry about gunfire and mortar rounds and ambushes.......love can cure many things, and it can warm your heart again. Take it slow, take it easy, make sure you have a good therapist, and Ithink exercise is excellent to burn off some of the frustartion and sadness.

(((Hugs))) and ((Prayers))) coming your way. Hang in there, okay?
I have been meaning to do more research on PTSD myself. I have had PTSD for many years, I think I will dig into some research and see what's new out there treatment wise. Just a question, do you also suffer with OCD(obsessive-compulsive disorder) along with it?) I find it goes hand in hand with me....

Have a good day Silent Song.........Be careful during the holidays this stuf rteally acts up at this time of year.

Feel free to PM anytime.....if you need someone to listen, I am here. Not much can shock me, so vent an dtalk all you need. Keep it outside your head. That's what I have to do alot. It gets so stuck in my mind I start believing in all my fears...should be believing in Santa LOL!!!!

[2stop]

Just wondering how you are doing Silent Song? Hope you're alright. ****Hugs***