bevin

Yes, the phone is a biggie for me. I guess I forgot to mention it, but when I have a really bad panic attack I lose my ability to speak, and I sometimes lose my ability to hear what other people are saying.

However, I did go ahead with it and made about 10 phone calls and it went really well! I was completely stunned that something that would have been a 7 or 8 on the anxiety scale when I was drinking had gone down to a 3 or 4. It's really quite amazing.

Are you good with friends on the phone or do they have to be strangers?

Oh yeah - I've been there. Are you angry about something in particular or are you just angry at life in general?

Yes, it really is awful - it makes you feel like you're not good enough as the person you are. You know what it is though - they don't know that you're anxious and they don't know how to interpret the change. It's not your fault or their fault...it only means that they can't read your mind.

I really hope that nothing will ever lead to you drinking during the day. It's a really crappy way to live.

So I saw your thread in the Alcoholism section...You're getting some really good advice from people there - it's a great thread. I could have posted there, but I might as well do it here because it relates to what we've been talking about.

You might be afraid to quit drinking (so was I), and the thought of 'forever' seems huge when you're so young. However, drinking and drugs affect your anxiety level BIG TIME. I'm only just starting to realize how much it was affecting me, and if I had known before I would have done this a long time ago.

It's probably a really good idea to try quitting for 3 months and get into working on therapy and learning ways to manage anxiety. It doesn't really matter if you can't go out socializing as much, because it's only 3 months, which is practically nothing in the grand scheme of things. You could keep a record of how much Xanax you need to take and see if that decreases. By the time you're finished you'll have a pretty good idea of what drugs and alcohol mean to you and exactly how much they affect your anxiety levels.

Trust me - it's not nearly as scary as you think...so many people on this forum have been there and they'll tell you the same thing.

Now I know there are no guarantees, but here's a hypothetical question: If you knew that quitting for a few months would take your anxiety level from a 10 to a 5 would you do it?

CheekyAngel

When they are strangers i am okay. But i do dislike to ring the chinese etc. But since volunteering in the helpline that has improved immensely. So being on the phone in general is okay. Its because they cant see me, but when on the phone to friends, unless their good friends i can feel a bit awarkard but nothing major. Like i said, its usually when people who can actully see me is when i have most anxiety.
Something i dont like doing tho is answering the front door. A few times i have stopped what i was doing and didnt move. This was because i wanted the person at the door to think there was no body in. Sad, i know and its also sad that nobody around me understands how difficult anxiety disorders are for a person.

Basically i just hate my life. I try to always reconigise that i have it well, i have a roof over my head and food on the table, but my mental health conditions make me feel like my life is unlivable, in the sence that i cant do what i want and be who i am. There may be another few reasons why i am angry, some things that have happened in the past which i find difficult to talk about. I dont really know, all i know is that when something triggers me i can lash out in seconds. And when i blackout, i become very violent. Maybe it is learned behaviour, still, i dont know. It could be a combo of all the above....

My instant responce would be yes straight away, but then the voice inside of me sees the effort that has to put into it which then make me doubt my ability to do this. I will have to try tho, at some stage and i will be discussing this on Thursday with my addiction counsellor.
I just honestly feel like anxiety will be getting the better of me when i stop. I would not be going out, because no drink = no social life. I know there is a life without alcohol but i find it difficult to see. If i gave it up for awhile, i feel i will dissapear and be forgotten about.
But i do realise and understand that it is something that has to be done, sooner rather than later. Im just worried about what my life will be like.

bevin

I've actually laid down on the floor just in case the person at the door decided to look though a window! Funny and sad at the same time.
I get extremely angry for that reason also, but I usually don't let anybody see it because it's really difficult for most people to understand.
How did that go? Did they have anything to say that you found useful?
Well, I dunno - could you tell any of these people that you're giving up drinking for 3 months? If you don't feel comfortable telling them why, you could just say you're on the Atkins diet or something! Also, do they ever do things that don't involve the pub? You could go out during the day and just take Xanax if you needed to. At least then you could prove to yourself that you don't need to drink to have a social life...

CheekyAngel

Well i have been to 4 sessions now and honestly, nothing really has benifited me. I am hoping that this is just getting the ball rolling and that future sessions will have more stuff within that suits me. I havent set really any goals. I think if i have goals made out i could work on them, i need direction and i havent gotten that yet. Maybe im just missing the things shes telling me, i dunno.

I could tell them yeah, they wouldnt say much about it. They know i drink heavily and get into some states, but they all do it too, so they wouldnt understand why *I* was giving it up, but i wouldnt really care if they didnt understand.

They never usually do things that doesnt involve the pub or club, which is kinda sad. When ever they do other things, like go the country for example, it is just a place to go and drink in a new enviroment. Which i would think that way too, its just the anxiety the next day would make me want to hide away and therefore the next day from drinking would be a complete nightmare. So it wouldnt be worth the trip down

I just posted a new thread about taking a xanax instead of drinking. but im afraid in the house i might just drink also becoz the anxiety will still be there. During the day is not really my problem. I can get by the days without drinking, its when it comes to the weekend (and the weekend begins on thursdays!). Because i dont go out much during the week i do be only dying to get out and get drunk and 'have a laugh' by the time the weekend hits.

I am conciously trying to tell myself there is a social life with no drink involved, it just a difficult concept to grasp, when thats all you know. Even if i go out with my friends to a club, pub, or house party i will never be able to relax, as you know well, the anxiety will be thru the roof. So its a catch 22! Drink -v- anxiety, xanax -v- anxiety, sober -v- anxiety. Its a never ending hellhole!

If i drank in moderation, now i mean seriously in moderation, do you think this would help anxiety, or do you think sober is the best way? (im not sure i can even do moderation, just want an opinion)

bevin

Maybe you're just not clicking with your therapist. I had one that would write my alcohol consumption down on a chalkboard and give me moderation goals...then be disappointed when I failed to moderate. Not her fault necessarily, but she didn't understand the problem.

You might want to check out this site:
Social Anxiety UK
Their website looks like a**, but there is a forum link on the LH side. Maybe someone there will be able to point you towards some more therapy resources.

I read that other thread, but I'll respond to it here. I don't think it's wise to immediately throw yourself into a highly stressful situation without your regular coping mechanisms. You have to work your way up to it. I use a 1-10 scale for anxiety...when I first started to try to get out without meds, I started off with something that was a 2 - going to the laundromat.

Getting back to the first post on this thread, which was more than a month ago, that bus experience would have been a 5 or 6. After I did it a few more times, it was a 3 or 4. Putting yourself straight into an 8 or 9 situation might be just setting yourself up for failure, and you might subconsciously 'prove' to yourself that you need alcohol to socialize.

If you're able to moderate...have a couple of drinks and leave it at that...then yes, I think it would help your anxiety. If you're not able to moderate, then sobriety is probably the best way to go. I chose sobriety because even when I was able to force myself to moderate (which wasn't very often) I would ALWAYS want to drink more.

CheekyAngel

Firstly, my god, over a month ago this was started!!

Well i felt like last weeks session went well. I think im expecting too much of a change to happen and its not going to change quick or easily.


I am part of another anxiety forum also, thanks anyway. It is good to have that extra support and opinions from others who can relate to the anxiety.

Yeah i got great responces to that thread i started ha!! Well i went, i didnt take anymore xanax (had taken some previously for other things earlier that day). I only brought 4 cans with me to the house and i only drank 2. I made a concious effort to take little sups instead of mouthfuls. and also whenever i went to take a sup i delayed doing so, therefore i drank very small and slowly.

I understand where you are coming from with the anxiety scale. One of the theripsts i previously had, she made me write down the anxiety scale and we worked from the lowest first. Maybe i should give this tchnique a try again. Cant do any harm anyway!

What i ment by the question, was in the long term. If drinking moderatly, will it still contribute to anxiety?

bevin

Yeah - Claire Weekes goes over this point again and again in her books. It's a nervous disorder, and it takes time to reprogram your reactions. I'd love to have an instant cure too, but that's just a fantasy.

I think that it depends on a whole bunch of factors. I don't know absolutely everything about your situation, so it's difficult for me to give you a definitive answer...really the only way to find out is to try it. Try moderating for one month and see if it makes you feel better. Try quitting entirely for one month and see if it makes you feel better. If you can't quit for one month, then you need to ask yourself why. Be honest with yourself and be aware...and ask for help if you need it!

Critter

Gosh i can totally realte to feeling guilty for no logical reason.I get caught up in my thoughts of "What if" so eventually i assume i have done something or just feel guilty of something i could have done, or something that people think i have done.

Pretty messed up. I suffer from OCD.