The Pain - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

SkyIsFalling42 · 10-08-2003, 08:42 AM

http://www.odjfs.state.oh.us/oapl/Re...asp?id=D403938

This hurts me so badly I dont think I can pull another breath at times.

10-08-2003, 12:24 PM

Sky,

This would kill me too. I have no words to make you feel better. I can only say that we are all here with you and for you as you process your grief. I am so sorry. Maybe they will let you see them once the state is not involved anymore.

The bright side would be that it seems that the new family loves the children. I really hope that's true.

Much love and many hugs,
MG

SkyIsFalling42 · 10-08-2003, 08:25 PM

MG
Thank you so much for being here. I think alot of this is that cory's birthday was the 5th and Brittanys is the 11th. This is the first birthday I have not shared with them. And the holidays, man I am a glutton for punishment today.
There is a small spark of hope that the foster mom will let me see them in the future. It is so very hard for me to hold onto my faith that they are ok. Sometimes I just seem to melt and collapse in on myself with this. At least it is not constant like it was before I realized the PTSD. It is very rough watching the same things happen to them that happened to me as a child. I was so determined that things would be so much better for them.
Well, guess I could go gum picking a while...will keep me busy

10-08-2003, 08:37 PM

Sky,

The holidays are very hard. Just get through each day. It is sad even without the PTSD. Try not to project your feelings as if they were theirs. I do that all the time. It will kill you. I go through that with my son.

Hugs,
MG

SkyIsFalling42 · 10-08-2003, 09:21 PM

Try not to project your feelings as if they were theirs.

I am probably doing this!! I truly do think this will kill me at times!When you get the time MG, please expalin this to me a little more. I am very interested in what you have to say about this.

10-08-2003, 10:27 PM

That's hard to explain.

What I do is to remember how horrible I've felt and see my son feeling the same way. He may or may not be feeling that way, but my worry has him feeling that way.

Your grandchildren could be sitting around laughing and feeling good right now. When you went through the same thing they are you felt horrible because of the abuse you suffered. So you may imagine them feeling horrible too. Since you can't see how they are feeling you go back to your own experience and project it on to them. I do that with my son. I project my experiences onto him even though I can't see what he is doing. I'm thinking he must feel very lonely or desparate or rejected etc... because I used to feel that way. Then I sit and worry how he is going to make it when he feels that way. Actually I've made the whole thing up in my mind and it just makes everything worse. I guess what I'm doing is trying to experience what he must be going through. I don't need to do that and should stay away from doing that.

SkyIsFalling42 · 10-09-2003, 12:07 AM

OK..thank you. This is what I do. I have been trying so hard to work through my personal issues that are related to the kids issues..to keep them seperate. It is hard to do for sure. It is downright awful sometimes. I remember how I felt when my mom said we were going to stay with the foster people and then left. I think of how the kids must have felt when their mom and dad told them they would never see them or anyone else again. This is something that I think never truly leaves us in our lifetime. The beatings and no one helping. The screaming and crying not to have to go back there, to no avail. The system through us all a life preserver, and then cut the rope. Its the thought that i cannot tell them that i have to obey the rules and the rules are that i cannot see them, not that i choose not to. This all so very upsetting to me. And their mother, my daughter, out there somewhere, with her drugs and alcohol.
I am stopping now..this is some serious dumping im doing. There are just so many issues I am dealing with in this. Thanks again Morning Glory.

SkyIsFalling42 · 10-09-2003, 12:10 AM

That lady jumping on the bed is very lucky!! Her breastesis are not bouncing at all!!

I would be in trouble on the other hand!

10-09-2003, 12:23 AM

Write them letters Sky. It will help you and you can give the letters to them later.

10-08-2003, 08:42 AM	#1 (permalink)
SkyIsFalling42 Big kitty nose hugs Join Date: May 2003 Location: Center of The World Posts: 1,261	The Pain http://www.odjfs.state.oh.us/oapl/Re...asp?id=D403938 This hurts me so badly I dont think I can pull another breath at times. __________________ Love In Spirit, Sky Where my heart is....... http://Writing.Com/authors/skyisfalling02 "Never Give In, Never Give In, Never Give In, Never, Never, Never." ~~Sir Winston Churchill~~

10-08-2003, 08:25 PM	#3 (permalink)
SkyIsFalling42 Big kitty nose hugs Join Date: May 2003 Location: Center of The World Posts: 1,261	MG Thank you so much for being here. I think alot of this is that cory's birthday was the 5th and Brittanys is the 11th. This is the first birthday I have not shared with them. And the holidays, man I am a glutton for punishment today. There is a small spark of hope that the foster mom will let me see them in the future. It is so very hard for me to hold onto my faith that they are ok. Sometimes I just seem to melt and collapse in on myself with this. At least it is not constant like it was before I realized the PTSD. It is very rough watching the same things happen to them that happened to me as a child. I was so determined that things would be so much better for them. Well, guess I could go gum picking a while...will keep me busy __________________ Love In Spirit, Sky Where my heart is....... http://Writing.Com/authors/skyisfalling02 "Never Give In, Never Give In, Never Give In, Never, Never, Never." ~~Sir Winston Churchill~~

10-08-2003, 09:21 PM	#5 (permalink)
SkyIsFalling42 Big kitty nose hugs Join Date: May 2003 Location: Center of The World Posts: 1,261	Try not to project your feelings as if they were theirs. I am probably doing this!! I truly do think this will kill me at times!When you get the time MG, please expalin this to me a little more. I am very interested in what you have to say about this. __________________ Love In Spirit, Sky Where my heart is....... http://Writing.Com/authors/skyisfalling02 "Never Give In, Never Give In, Never Give In, Never, Never, Never." ~~Sir Winston Churchill~~

10-09-2003, 12:07 AM	#7 (permalink)
SkyIsFalling42 Big kitty nose hugs Join Date: May 2003 Location: Center of The World Posts: 1,261	OK..thank you. This is what I do. I have been trying so hard to work through my personal issues that are related to the kids issues..to keep them seperate. It is hard to do for sure. It is downright awful sometimes. I remember how I felt when my mom said we were going to stay with the foster people and then left. I think of how the kids must have felt when their mom and dad told them they would never see them or anyone else again. This is something that I think never truly leaves us in our lifetime. The beatings and no one helping. The screaming and crying not to have to go back there, to no avail. The system through us all a life preserver, and then cut the rope. Its the thought that i cannot tell them that i have to obey the rules and the rules are that i cannot see them, not that i choose not to. This all so very upsetting to me. And their mother, my daughter, out there somewhere, with her drugs and alcohol. I am stopping now..this is some serious dumping im doing. There are just so many issues I am dealing with in this. Thanks again Morning Glory. __________________ Love In Spirit, Sky Where my heart is....... http://Writing.Com/authors/skyisfalling02 "Never Give In, Never Give In, Never Give In, Never, Never, Never." ~~Sir Winston Churchill~~

10-09-2003, 12:10 AM	#8 (permalink)
SkyIsFalling42 Big kitty nose hugs Join Date: May 2003 Location: Center of The World Posts: 1,261	That lady jumping on the bed is very lucky!! Her breastesis are not bouncing at all!! I would be in trouble on the other hand! __________________ Love In Spirit, Sky Where my heart is....... http://Writing.Com/authors/skyisfalling02 "Never Give In, Never Give In, Never Give In, Never, Never, Never." ~~Sir Winston Churchill~~

10-08-2003, 12:24 PM	#2 (permalink)
Morning Glory Guest Posts: n/a	Sky, This would kill me too. I have no words to make you feel better. I can only say that we are all here with you and for you as you process your grief. I am so sorry. Maybe they will let you see them once the state is not involved anymore. The bright side would be that it seems that the new family loves the children. I really hope that's true. Much love and many hugs, MG

10-08-2003, 08:37 PM	#4 (permalink)
Morning Glory Guest Posts: n/a	Sky, The holidays are very hard. Just get through each day. It is sad even without the PTSD. Try not to project your feelings as if they were theirs. I do that all the time. It will kill you. I go through that with my son. Hugs, MG

10-08-2003, 10:27 PM	#6 (permalink)
Morning Glory Guest Posts: n/a	That's hard to explain. What I do is to remember how horrible I've felt and see my son feeling the same way. He may or may not be feeling that way, but my worry has him feeling that way. Your grandchildren could be sitting around laughing and feeling good right now. When you went through the same thing they are you felt horrible because of the abuse you suffered. So you may imagine them feeling horrible too. Since you can't see how they are feeling you go back to your own experience and project it on to them. I do that with my son. I project my experiences onto him even though I can't see what he is doing. I'm thinking he must feel very lonely or desparate or rejected etc... because I used to feel that way. Then I sit and worry how he is going to make it when he feels that way. Actually I've made the whole thing up in my mind and it just makes everything worse. I guess what I'm doing is trying to experience what he must be going through. I don't need to do that and should stay away from doing that.

10-09-2003, 12:23 AM	#9 (permalink)
Morning Glory Guest Posts: n/a	Write them letters Sky. It will help you and you can give the letters to them later.

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