Procrastination problem

[Lilya]

I´ve been sober for years now and just realized that I have been a chronic procrastinator for a long time.

That is what has caused me worry and depression and now I´m on the verge of losing what is dear to me.

I´ve been in denial about it, but now I need to address this issue.

I´m also heavily in debt, because I´ve squandered money running away from my problems.

But I know there is hope. And I´m willing to do what it takes to stop this behaviour.

If anyone of you recognize that this problem is taking over your life in sobriety, please share.

To my old friends, lots of kisses. I hope you´re well.

[Lilya]

I´m sick with the swineflu, so I have plenty of time to review my life and think of an action plan.

For my debts, I got a great book by Jerrold Mundis and joined DA. I missed one meeting because of the flu, but I´m keeping a spending record and activated my "God box".

I need to find out how to balance work, family and health. Everything is in a fog right now, but I noticed my anxiety level has gone way down since I took action about the money problem.

I have been a procrastinator all my life without knowing it. I was a relief to find out that fear of failure and fear of success is the key to my anxiety. I tended to take swift actions and my writing career and University career took off.

Now everything is gone. I´m a "has been". I have no career, because I´m afraid of failing again. I failed twice, once six years ago when one of my books was a commercial failure and got bad reviews, then two years ago when I failed a big project for the University, due to fear, anxiety... and probably procrastination.

I feel so ashamed talking about it, but I know it is the first step to recovery.

Next I will write about what I intend to do, use check-lists and timers.

I hope some of you can relate to this problem and in any case, until next time.

Peace,

[EvilBunny]

I have the exact same problem and I can totally relate to how you feel. I know how it can ruin every area of a person's life. Relationships, finances, career - everything. My procrastination goes hand-in-hand with my drinking and drugging.

I'm reading The Now Habit by Neil Fiore and I highly recommend it. It talks about the root causes of procrastination and how to overcome them. Procrastination, like drinking and drug use, is just a dysfunctional way to cope with anxiety. In the case of procrastination it's the anxiety associated with starting or completing a task or decision.

[Lilya]

EvilBunny,

You made my day.

I ordered the book you recommend, The Now Habit, from Amazon and feel better because it´s on it´s way. I´ve heard really good stuff about it.

I´m so glad you can relate. I agree that procrastination goes hand in hand with using. For me, my procrastination started when I stopped using.

It´s liberating to know that the anxiety I´ve been feeling most of my life is not some free-floating condition I´m powerless over, but there is a way to deal with it with the right tools. Many people in my group have it and many old co-workers at the University. Seems to be common for students and teachers alike.

I think of the waste of time and the well-meaning co-addiction from family when the problem was so obvious. Some suspected it, but didn´t like to say.

Let´s do something about this problem, EvilBunny and others who might relate.

[EvilBunny]

Originally Posted by Lilya

Let´s do something about this problem, EvilBunny and others who might relate.

I'm in!

The only way out is through.

[discontentmiser]

yeah,

I went online just now to procrastinate from doing some homework.

I'm not sure what you mean by "fear of success", but I definitely fear failure.

I would like to know some tools to not be so anxious, I guess procrastination is self-defeating...


I always make everything into such a big deal that it's too overwhelming, which now is really hard for me trying to take inventory and see what I can and can't do

[Lilya]

Great, EvilBunny!

You´re right, the way is through. There is no going around it.

Discontentmiser, thanks for your input.

Fear of success. It can be a huge one for many of us. I once held a very high position in life. I won a prize for a book I wrote with lots of money, flying first class to all kinds of places, interviews on TV, magazine and stuff. Was I happy? No, scared to death. And I sabotaged everything for me not to be able to win any more prizes. I made myself fail by procrastination.

I was only happy writing that book. I couldnt´deal with success. But I want to be able to write again. Not being paralyzed with fear.

I would advice you to use a timer when you´re doing tedious work, but you have to do it every working day. You can also get yourself a spiral notebook, write down the time and then decide to work 30- 40 minutes on whatever you´re doing. Then take a break and that is your free time. Then, get your timer again and work for another 30-40 minutes. You can actually get tons of work done by using this method.

I hope it was useful for you.

I´m going to tuck in, still very weak from the swineflu, but getting better.

[Lilya]

Today I´ve been thinking a lot about my career and what to do with it.

I have two unpublished books in my drawer, quite good books who deserve to get published. The reason why I haven´t done anything for a few years is that I dread going to the publishing houses again. Talk to many publishers, try to sell my story, get tons of rejection... I´ve done it before. I know the rules of the game and I hate them.

There is no other way, but a big part of me wants to give it another go. I will reconsider the pros and cons, but I have a feeling I will do it. I ordered another book from Amazon on coping with rejections.

I feel more sure than ever that my anxiety came from being not organized, not action orientated, not goal orientated. The anxiety came from a fog in my head and I need tools to clear that fog.

First order of business: Proof-read my manuscript, get the list of Publication Houses, find out who is who. Then break the action down to smaller steps. Goal: January 2010.

[Lilya]

I decided not to work today because I´m so weak from the Swineflu. Went out too soon and got a relapse with fever. This is a nasty virus, by the way.

I´ve been reading some of the posts at this board and they have inspired me to get my life going again. I read somewhere that life is divided into many circles and if so, I´m starting a new one. It´s exciting and frightening in a way.

Reclaiming my life involves mainly getting out of debt, publish my novels, get my University career going again and start my travels with my daughter again as I´ve promised many times. Next stop hopefully: Rome/Dubai or Florida/Havana (The new Harry Potter garden for her, Cuba for me).

I will need new creative ideas to get the Uni jobs going, so I´ll brainstorm with friends.

For now a clean and neatly organized house will do, doing scheduled work at home and one hour a day at least is dedicated to getting new ideas of the net.

[yor5150]

but decided to do it later.

Procrastination and clutter/disorganization are two huge glaring character defects of mine. I've been seeing a therapist for a couple of months about depression. At the last session he gave me some handouts on cognitive distortions. I could identify with most if not all of them. I'd post a link but I can't do that yet.

In another handout there was a paragraph on procrastination:
As with procrastination avoidance of unpleasant tasks and denial of problems or responsibilities frequently yields immediate relief but, later on, results in serious problems. The lifestyle that makes us most proud is not having an easy life but facing and solving tough problems.

Avoidance and procrastination have cost me dearly. I made a huge mistake in getting complacent in recovery. I have functioned at a fairly high level for many years with periods of complete dread and apprehension, usually do to a DUI or other stressful situation. During those times the world was coming to an end or so I thought. Just like now... the economy has me worried. I've started working the steps again after only doing them once 14 years ago.

Hindsight is 20/20 of course... It is so clear to me now how old behavior crept back in to my life. I cringe when thinking of my behavior at work. I acted arrogant and immature. I was even asked to leave one time but because I belong to a union I wasn't forced to leave.

I made the biggest financial mistake of my life during this period of lapsed judgment and lost a substantial amount of money as a result. I was calling the shots and I screwed up big time. For the first time in my life I could have had a few $$ in the bank but I sank the money into a house in 2004.

If I lose my job now I most likely will lose the house. Last September when the economy crashed I crashed with it. My anxiety was so high I asked my primary care physician for an anti anxiety medication which I took as prescribed for a short period of time. I was barely able to function for quite some time. I managed to come out of it somewhat until recently when the anxiety hit me again. I sit here typing this with a tight chest. My mind wants to daydream about what I should have done. I have trouble focusing and speaking... or maybe it is my imagination?

I've always suspected I have a distorted view of the world. I now know without a doubt that I do. Procrastination is a part of the dysfunctional package along with being an addict. When I made this huge mistake I was praying for guidance from my Higher Power as to what to do... I didn't get a feel for what I was supposed to do. Even though I was praying I wasn't working a strong program of recovery. I didn't have a service commitment. I hadn't worked the steps in years. I had a sponsor that I saw frequently but on more of a friend level than a sponsor.

I've thought of suicide but know in my heart I won't because of my exposure to religion at an early age. And besides, what if it is worse on the other side or there is no other side?

Despite the pain I was in last Fall and how humbled I was I still found myself behaving improperly at work. Before the crash I used to think I could always get another job. That isn't the case any longer. I started working the steps around mid year and just now finished step 2. You'd think I would have finished all 12 by now.

The only thing I know to do is continue with the stepwork despite the fact that I have a difficult time with the concept of a Higher Power... Of course I don't have anyone to blame but myself. I am not responsible for having the disease of addiction or mental illness but I am responsible for what I do about them.

I do my best to take things one day at a time. I'm not going to use "no matter what". I have hope that maybe once again I am overreacting and that just maybe the sky isn't falling.

To get back to procrastination... I always "meant" to get a service commitment. When I moved in 2004 and stopped going to two of the three meetings I had been going to, I "meant" to find new meetings in my area. All that time I "meant" to work the steps again. Procrastination may not kill you but it can make your life miserable. I left my disease of addiction untreated and it has made my life unmanageable once again.

I hope by getting back to procrastination that I didn't hijack the thread... Thanks for letting me vent.

Peace and Love...

[Lilya]

Yor5150,

I´m so glad you posted. Please do share. It really helps.

Congratulation on finding your source of anxiety - it took me years. You´ve confronted it, so now you know what you´re dealing with. That is a huge step, so you´re on your way to recovery.

Originally Posted by yor5150

Avoidance and procrastination have cost me dearly. I made a huge mistake in getting complacent in recovery. I have functioned at a fairly high level for many years with periods of complete dread and apprehension, usually do to a DUI or other stressful situation.

I couldn´t agree more. I became complacent in recovery as well and now I have to start all over. I was arrogant and stupid because of my success, then selfdestructive and ruined my career. This is why vigilance (sorry, French) is so important in AA. And they are spot on.

One of my faults was to overreact. Act as if the world was coming to an end if I couldn´t get things done on my rigid schedule or making employees slaves to my perfectionism. It was a fall from grace and I cringe myself when I think about it.

But there is no going back, so beating yourself up about it is not going to help. You can however, go forward and make a decision to rebuild your life, using the right tools.

Higher power has always been a problem for me too, but I believe in it. I also believe in the power of the group or this board. That is really a healing power. You don´t need anything else at the moment.

As for the job situation, things are bad, particularly in France and also in Scandinavia. But it´s not the first recession for me and it´s not going to last. I also know I can get out of my situation because I know why I got there.

I´m going to reply to other things tomorrow. But keep posting and feel optimistic.

[Lilya]

Hello again Yor5150,

Originally Posted by yor5150

I made the biggest financial mistake of my life during this period of lapsed judgment and lost a substantial amount of money as a result. I was calling the shots and I screwed up big time. For the first time in my life I could have had a few $$ in the bank but I sank the money into a house in 2004.

If I lose my job now I most likely will lose the house. Last September when the economy crashed I crashed with it. My anxiety was so high I asked my primary care physician for an anti anxiety medication which I took as prescribed for a short period of time. I was barely able to function for quite some time. I managed to come out of it somewhat until recently when the anxiety hit me again. I sit here typing this with a tight chest. My mind wants to daydream about what I should have done. I have trouble focusing and speaking... or maybe it is my imagination?

You have fog in your head because you´re scared and anxious. Don´t worry, it will clear if you use the right tools.

You´re not alone in this. I also bought a property which is worthless right now. Everything I had saved went into this property, so I need to wait this recession out for a few more years. I decided to have it redone, so when I sell I´ll get at least the market value.

Back to your anxiety due to procrastination. You´re afraid because of the house and because of work. I think the best way to deal with this right now is to function in the here and now. That is to say, do what you can, but let go of the outcome. We have no power over tomorrow and yesterday is gone. All we have is the now.

Then, make an action plan. Action is the most valuable tool you have, because when you plan and then follow through with it, your anxiety level goes down. Write down some ideas about the house, what to do and who to get in touch with. Break it down into small, achievable goals.

Then abandon the idea that you need your job. This may sounds strange because of the economy, but if you´re a slave to your job, you will continue to be anxious. Think different, and do some research on what jobs are out there.

Next, make a vision list. Write down 50 things you would like. Act as if nobody stands in your way. Then choose the top ten on that list and think if it´s achievable.

That´s it for now, more to come.

[Lilya]

What a day!

So sick with the swineflu because I went out, then had to work on a movie for eight hours. Had to cancel a few dinners that week.

Being almost in quarantine with the flu these past week was making me anxious, because anxiety thrives on isolation. Been mostly on Facebook and on the phone, seeing my daughter only a few times, but we e-mail and chat. Thank god for my good garden, I like to walk about and talk to my neighbours, quite a few of them are recovering too from the swineflu.

I want to outline a few goals I consider most important now.

1. Get published again.
2. Get my Radio and/or TV show back
3. Get my Uni job back
4. Start working with the festival again
5. Get out of debt
6. Go to Rome/Dubai or Florida/Cuba
7. Get my house in order
8. Get the new garden done
9. Get the veranda fixed.

All the above is a major, major anxiety source.

Please, if you think I have too many goals, please let me know. It would be most uselful.

I will need to break my goals down, otherwise it won´t get done.

Love and light,

[yor5150]

Originally Posted by Lilya

Back to your anxiety due to procrastination. You´re afraid because of the house and because of work. I think the best way to deal with this right now is to function in the here and now. That is to say, do what you can, but let go of the outcome. We have no power over tomorrow and yesterday is gone. All we have is the now.

Then, make an action plan. Action is the most valuable tool you have, because when you plan and then follow through with it, your anxiety level goes down. Write down some ideas about the house, what to do and who to get in touch with. Break it down into small, achievable goals.

Then abandon the idea that you need your job. This may sounds strange because of the economy, but if you´re a slave to your job, you will continue to be anxious. Think different, and do some research on what jobs are out there.

Next, make a vision list. Write down 50 things you would like. Act as if nobody stands in your way. Then choose the top ten on that list and think if it´s achievable.

That´s it for now, more to come.

Thank you for your suggestions. I hope you get to feeling better soon.

I suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder which makes this time of year more difficult than usual.

I've had a tightness in the chest and difficulty sleeping the past couple of days. I feel a bit better after going to an NA meeting tonight. A member that I hadn't seen in a while raised his hand as a newcomer. Turns out he got complacent in his recovery too. I feel grateful that despite the mental anguish I haven't felt it necessary to pick up. I reached out to him after the meeting. He told me he'd wake up at 2:30 in the morning, think of calling someone then not doing so because he didn't want to wake anyone up. His next action was to leave the house to get booze or drugs. I exchanged numbers with him and told him that if he was thinking of using to call me any time, including 2:30 A.M. It felt good to get out of myself for a few minutes.

I've thought about other things I'm grateful for and put together a mental gratitude list.

I feel somewhat better after the meeting and hope to get a decent night's sleep tonight. Tomorrow I'm getting together with my sponsor to go over my 2nd step. No more procrastination on the steps!

I like your suggestion regarding work and will give it a try. Thanks again for posting.

Peace & Love,

[Lilya]

Hi, Yor5150.

Thanks, I´m feeling better.

Glad that meeting made you feel better and it´s great you found a friend as well.

If you suffer from Seasonal Affective Order, make sure you get as much light as you can and have plenty of electric lights on when it´s dark.

When I was writing about your work and mine too, I remember a film I saw long time ago called Collateral by Michael Mann. I like this director a lot, so I watched it and I must say I´ve rarely seen Tom Cruise act so well, I forgave him for the stuff he said at the time (lol).

It´s about a taxi driver who suffers from procrastination anxiety. He drives his cab at night in LA and tells his clients driving a cab is just a temporary job until he get his limo company going. It takes a sociapath and cold blooded killer (Cruise) to tell him that he´s afraid to make it happen. He also tells the taxi driver, who is also a slave to his job and to his mean employer, that he does not need this job.

I think we procrastinators tend to complicate things. I´m going to try to not complicate things, but that´s a challenge.

Love and light,

[yor5150]

Originally Posted by Lilya

Hi, Yor5150.

Thanks, I´m feeling better.

It´s about a taxi driver who suffers from procrastination anxiety. He drives his cab at night in LA and tells his clients driving a cab is just a temporary job until he get his limo company going. It takes a sociapath and cold blooded killer (Cruise) to tell him that he´s afraid to make it happen. He also tells the taxi driver, who is also a slave to his job and to his mean employer, that he does not need this job.

I think we procrastinators tend to complicate things. I´m going to try to not complicate things, but that´s a challenge.
Love and light,

Glad to hear you are feeling better.

I remember that movie. Jamie Foxx played the cabbie and did a very good job at that. I don't remember picking up on the procrastination part but your post and reading the Plot Summary make that clear. Life will pass you by.

Brings to mind the Pink Floyd song "Time"...
And then one day you find ten years have got behind you ... Plans that either come to naught or half a page of scribbled lines ... The time is gone, the song is over, thought I'd something more to say. Home, home again ...

I remember hearing that song when I was a teenager and not understanding it but how I can relate to it now!

Here's to making the most of the time we have left.

Peace & Love

[Lilya]

That´s right, Jamie Foxx is really good in the film and Cruise is great. The dynamics between the two of them is interesting, because the taxi driver has to confront his procrastination (he has already lied to his mother and she believes he runs the limo service).

Cruise´s character is all about action and simplicity. His mind is sharp and he analyzes the problem immediately. "You´ve been driving this cab for twelve years. It´s not temporary. You never intended to make your dream come true because you´re afraid of taking risks. All it took was one down payment for a limo."

Something like this. I don´t remember completely, but this is the cabbie´s problem in a nutshell.

I didn´t remember the Pink Floyd song, I used to listen to The Doors and do still. Thanks for sharing it, great lyrics.

Yes, no more keeping life on hold. But it takes work.

Love and light,

[ibana27]

Yeah I've always had a procrastination issue but never dealt with it...now that I’m sober, I have more time to ponder that one...what to do...? I feel ya though, I'm currently in financial straits! Yikes!!! No fun! And what's really strange, and probably really bad, I seemed to worry about stuff like that more when I was drinking...now that I'm not...I think I'm putting off those thoughts more...which means I'm not doing a darn thing to fix them! Not so good.... I've gotta do something about that one....

[Lilya]

Originally Posted by ibana27

Yeah I've always had a procrastination issue but never dealt with it...now that I’m sober, I have more time to ponder that one...what to do...? I feel ya though, I'm currently in financial straits! Yikes!!! No fun! And what's really strange, and probably really bad, I seemed to worry about stuff like that more when I was drinking...now that I'm not...I think I'm putting off those thoughts more...which means I'm not doing a darn thing to fix them! Not so good.... I've gotta do something about that one....

Hi Ibana,

Financial problems and anxiety, join the club. When I first got sober, my sponsor told me: "It´s going to take a few years to get financially sober and emotionally sober." He was right, but I didn´t know it would take that long. Now I realize it´s going to take a long time for me to get financially sober, because I have always had an unhealthy relationship with money.

I´ve joined Debtors Anonymous in my area and it was the best decision I made all year. Now I´m working my way out of financial problems and trying to be serene about it.

Got an anxiety attack because the bank made a suggestion I felt bad about. I consulted a lawyer and it turns out I was right. It´s not a good suggestion and I will actively seek other solutions with my financial advicer, the group and my lawyer.

Please share here, I´m glad you want to address this problem. I believe it to be a cause of my underlying anxiety and I want to be symptom-free.

Love and light,

[Lilya]

I know that my anxiety is largely due to fear of the unknown, which is strange because I travel a lot and have never been afraid, not during riots in Thailand, being stranded in the Sahara or during a bomb scare at a train station.

It´s lying in bed, not being able to sleep, because I don´t know all the facts that makes my anxiety level go way over the top.

And it´s knowing that I haven´t addressed all issues or covered all bases. That makes me scared.

When I was trapped in the train station during a bomb scare, watching experts from the army trying to defuse it, I felt calm. I have rarely been so serene, because I accepted my death. There is nothing else to do.

Afterwards of course, my nerves went to pieces. But I wonder what it is that makes me want to go into denial and postpone simple things, like doing my tax returns, finish to organize the kitchen and go nuts with anxiety because of this.

Next I will do an action plan. Please, don´t hesitate to share. We can help each other.

[Lilya]

I went to a DA meeting tonight, my first meeting after the swine flu. It was a really good meeting and gave me the strength to deal with the bank next week. I had coffee with some friends and got a great advice.

My next step is to get moritorium for three months from the bank. The thing is not to ask for moritorium, but to take moratorium. While I go through my options concerning this loan with financial advicers and accountants, I give myself a worry-free period so I can deal with important matters with a clear head.

That´s it for now, I´m also redecorating the house and getting ready for S. friends coming over for Halloween.

[ElegantlyWasted]

Fiore's Now Habit is great! I found an audio copy at the library and burned it to my iPhone. Great practical stuff that also addresses the roots of procrastination.

[Lilya]

Thanks for the tip, Elegantly Wasted.

I ordered it from Amazon, can´t wait to get it. I´ve heard so many good things about it.

[Lilya]

Finally, an action plan is forming in my mind and I´m listing all my option on a separate file.

1. I´ve taken steps towards my moratorium from the bank.

2. I´m looking for a good lawyer, have found three. Want to look at my options.

3. I´ve started to make a finance record for the bank.

My goal is to have everything ready at the end of this month.

That´s it for now, it feels like a big step already.

Love and light,

[Lilya]

The book I ordered from Amazon, The Now Habit has arrived and I read every night and every morning. It´s a real revelation to me.

It´s centered around playtime, not duties and chores. It´s really brilliant.

I feel so much calmer about the bank and I had a great DA meeting tonight, I could share a lot and receive support afterwards.

I could use this adversity and gain from it if I use it well and take my time.

It´s taken me almost two years to unravel my finances and I have still some way to go, but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I also have a problem regarding a difficult member of my hobby club. It´s a woman who recently found the love of her life at fifty five, which is of course wonderful. But she takes him with her to all club gatherings, petting him and kissing, really in love, which is great, but we don´t allow spouses as a rule and some people are bothered by this.

This irritated me because I´m a chairwoman of the club and people complained, but I have thought long and hard about the matter and decided to simply do nothing right now. It´s in the hands of the Higher Power, because he can deal with it for now.

Back to the bank stuff, the finance plan is coming nicely along, but I´m doing it on my terms, my speed and with my needs in mind. I´m not treating the bank manager as he was my parent, uncle or a Higher power as I use to do.

Today someone said at the DA meeting that if facts and figures are not written down, the mind goes into anxiety mode. So true. If I don´t have clarity, I become scared.

Love and light,