Living with panic disorder

[checkmate1]

I'm having big problems with anxiety and panic attacks at the moment. Today i've had panic attacks in the shower and while going to the toilet. I suffer from agoraphobia to so its difficult to just take a walk sometimes only making it 40 metres down my street and in panic I rush back home. The weirdest thing is when I get anxious I have trouble walking and because I concentrate on it so much I get worse so I'm walking down the street like a drunk.

I use valium about 15mg a day I have been using it for over 10 years now. My doctor recently put me on a pill called kalma which is very effective in relieving anxiety symptoms but don't like taking it much as I want to use it only in emergencies and when I need to get out of the house as its a benzodiazipine and addictive. I also use 7.5mg tablets of Olanzapiene because I had a psychotic episode from using marijuarna when I was younger I'm now in my late 20's. I don't use drugs now.

I have a pychiatrist and just started with a new psychologist my GP referred me to who is hopefully going to put me back on track. 12 50min sessions once a week is the treatment program. I suppose he's going to be doing CBT I had my first session 2 days ago and feel that this is the way to go to get my life back on track.

I sometimes drink 3 light beers when I'm feeling horribly anxious and it helps in a different way than the valium does. I feel totally annoyed with this affliction and it gets me down most days but I get on with things the best I can. One day at a time.

Just wanted to vent and feel a bit better now and I feel for everybody with these conditions and hope I find my solution soon. As my old man says there's people out there with worse problems and its true. I'm lucky I live at home with a lot of support.

[eoghanacht]

Thanks for your post, checkmate. I too have anxiety problems, I get it wherever I am, whether I'm in or out. I also have SA, depression, and ptsd as well as physical cra* going on.
So no, it isn't easy, but with the right meds and support, it gets better. You have to believe, otherwise total insanity knocks at your door. I've heard it knocking a few times, but it hasn't 'gotten in.
Thankfully, it sounds like you've got the support that you need. If it ever gets too much, don't forget that there are National 'Hotlines' you can call, and hopefully you have a local number that has been given to you by your psych worker.

take care.

[mariechi]

Hi, I'm coming to you from the alcoholic recovery side, just started recovery, actually. I was diagnosed with agoraphobia many years ago and had a jerk of a therapist, not to put too fine a point on it. I know the panic, the difficulty leaving the house, the fear of almost everything.

I just want to say from experience, please, please, please watch the beer. I maybe shouldn't say it. I may not be qualified to say it.

[mattcake79]

Checkmate, I can relate to your post - panic disorder w/agoraphobia is a truly horrible condition. In my early 20s, along with depression, I suffered from daily (multiple) panic attacks that left me housebound (bedridden, actually).. The good news is, it's a highly treatable condition My own PD has been in remission for several years now (in fact, I regard it as being cured, and hardly ever think about it).

Certain meds did help me (keep in mind that both Valium and Kalma/alprazolam are benzos). Alcohol, however, did not - in my case, it turned into an addiction, a problem in its own right. I'm not saying your situation is necessarily the same, but maybe you could reconsider drinking, even if it's light and occasional... alcohol tends to make anxiety much worse in the long run.

Anyway, CBT was what ultimately helped me the most I was very leery at first, but it worked wonders, within a few sessions my panic attacks just stopped. CBT usually involves homework and exercises... The beauty of CBT is that you learn techniques that, in theory, should enable you to remain panic-free indefinitely - it certainly worked for me, it's been approx. 7 years now and counting.

Good luck Keep us posted! Please feel free to PM me if you need to talk.

[Lavash]

My story is close to exact to Matt's, less taking meds for it. I decided to not take meds.
I've had PD for close to 27 yrs now and went to many therapist and nothing really worked execpt CBT. That and not giving a sh*t anymore about what others thought of me out in public

I still get PA's, got one last Monday in Wal MArt actually, but got through it.
I went from being housebound in my early 20's to living alone, have a great job, traveling alone etc. So PD is very "treatable", but you have to be really, and I mean REALLY, sick of letting it control you in order to heal.

Keep posting your thoughts....

[Lavash]

Oh yeah and I would like to add, exercise is one the BEST "medicines" for PD
When I joined a gym 11 yrs ago, my panic went from 10 to 0 in weeks. I still work out today. Hey, it's a great way to get in shape and a great way to kill the panic and much cheaper than paying for years of therapy :-)

[mattcake79]

Originally Posted by Lavash

I've had PD for close to 27 yrs now and went to many therapist and nothing really worked execpt CBT. That and not giving a sh*t anymore about what others thought of me out in public.

Once the panic attacks were securely under control, my therapist had me walk out of his office (with him trailing a few metres behind me) and "act crazy" in public, as he put it, LOL. It was *very* awkward at first, to say the least, but the techniques he taught me made all the difference.

So I struck up conversations with complete strangers, smiled a lot, sang out loud, even skipped down the sidewalk, LOL! And, know what? It felt great. Somewhere along the way, I suddenly discovered that I wasn't shy after all, and went to the other side... I became really outgoing.

I still have a few - very manageable- phobias (I hate phone calls and speaking in public )... but, trust me, if I could do this, you certainly can too

[checkmate1]

Hey guys thanks for your support and there was definitely some words of wisdom from mattcake79 too you have given me great hope that these conditions can be conquered with the help of my psychologist.

I had my second session with my psychologist today and he had me lie on a couch and went through an exercise that I have to do twice a day for 15-20min to give my mind a rest and that this exercise was the basis of what he was going to do next.

He had me concentrate on my heart beat, my hands,feet, knees, elbows etc and pretty much my whole body but one at a time and really concentrate on it and relax. I had done a similar exercise in high school so I knew what it was all about. I analyse and over think alot and this is a way of giving myself a break from this. It took me a few minutes but I was able to relax.

So I'll be doing this for the next week he seems to think I'll be up and running soon doing all the things I want and I believe him. I've also been exercising in the garage with the boxing bag and weights too which is helping me mentally also.

[checkmate1]

I've been doing the CBT exercise for about 5 days now and feel really good this week I don't know if its the CBT or if I'm just having a good week. I think its the CBT.

I haven't needed as much medication this week either. I decided to venture out today on the trains and was surprised how at ease I was feeling I'm always on medication when I get the train and usually feel anxious but not today.

I have my next therapy session in 4 days and looking forward to it. I'm eager to find out what's next. I know a lot of hard work is still to come but bring it on.

[daisy2]

I suffered for years from panic disorder, and definately used alcohol to medicate. I worked with a psychiatrist for many years, and was on effexor for a long time, (amongst others initially especially) but more importantly found a really good psychologist who practised cognitive behavioral therapy and was in therapy for several years. At the worst I would have random panic attacks all day long, and sometimes all night long. I literally felt like I was dying, or going crazy, or both. People who have never experienced this have a hard time understanding what it is like, when basically the "fight or flight" system in your body is physically malfunctioning and misfiring.

Find a really good CBT and stick with solid therapy and learn exercises that can talk you through these attacks- as you gain more control of them (which you will) and come out on the other side it will build positive reinforcement for you and they will lesson. I haven't had a full on panic attack in about 8 years now, and there was definately a time when I did not think that was possible.

also, as another poster said, exercise helps!

[checkmate1]

I went for my 4th session with the psychologist and my session times have been late around 7.30pm and pretty much all day I was worrying and thinking about going into see him. I don't know why this is happening. As I was sitting waiting for my session I noticed my hands were a bit unsteady but thought I would be ok when I got in there. I had taken my medication also.

When I got in there I told him I was getting anxious coming into see him and I wanted to come in to see him but it was causing me distress all day just thinking about it. I then got on the couch and started the CBT exercises I was able to relax my body to a degree but my mind felt like a washing machine and couldn't relax. I didn't say anything at the time because I wanted to know what the next stage of the CBT exercise was so I kept quiet.

Anyway when I got off the couch and in the seat I was having a full on panic attack and just wanted to get out of there as quick as possible and felt I didn't have time to explain what was happening and I thought he'd be able to pick a panic attack anyway but he didn't so as I got out of there as quick as I could and I was getting a lift home and I was feeling still in panic mode and didn't relax until I was home and told my parents what was going on and they felt disappointed because they thought that this was going to be the thing that fixed me.

So I got on the internet and called Beyond Blue who were extremely helpful and found that I could get a psychologist to do home visits because I was getting panic attacks where I was going.

I left a message with the receptionist for my psychologist to get back to me about the panic attack I had but he didn't get back to me he probably didn't get the message as the receptionist said he's booked up for today and all I can do is leave him your name and number. So I haven't been feeling on top of things this week. I feel disappointed with myself and feel like I've let my parents down by this happening with the psychologist.

If I thought I could make it to another session I would but the strong panic attack has set me back and probably going to see about the home visits.