Could this be as a result of prison?
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Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: London
Posts: 145
Could this be as a result of prison?
Dear all
I'm new to this forum. You will usually find me in the friends and relatives of alcoholics section. However I'm trying to come to terms with something that happened recently. My alcoholic boyfriend has suffered depression in the past and has had counselling and been on pills. When we got together three years ago he leaned heavily on me and I was only too happy to be there. (I've since learned about being Co-dependent!!) Anyway earlier this year he was in quite a tough jail for six weeks. He had never been to jail before, but it was as the result of a one-off incident which happened four years ago involving his ex, and because he's avoided fines, court appearances, probation, etc, ever since.
During his time in jail he was sober the whole time. First time I'd EVER seen him sober. (Though admittedly as he drinks non-stop - slowly but all day every day - you would not know he's not sober if you didn't know him - he can really hold his beer!) In that time he wrote me eight or nine lovely letters, saying this had really made him realise how stupid he'd been, he wouldn't go back to drinking the way he did before, etc. And he wanted to step our relationship. He wrote to his parents telling them how lucky he was to have me too.
Before prison he had been estranged from his dad and little brother for three years, had not seen his gran in that time, and was estranged on and off from his mother and children in that time. His younger brother was the one who was hardest on him - telling the whole family not to give him the time of day until he quits drinking.
During and after prison he was welcomed back into the family fold and, for the first time, he let me meet his children. I also met his dad and stepmother for the first time, his little brother, his adult brother and his wife and child, and my boyfriend's grandmother.
Six weeks after all this, he dumped me! It took him three years to wholly introduce me to his family, who all absolutely loved me and asked how he landed a girl like me, and then he dumped me!
As I said he did have mental health issues in the past, but I thought that's where they were - in the past! Two weeks after he came out of prison he did say to me he wasn't feeling right and he felt he was suffering post traumatic stress. He begged me not to tell his family though. He said it was as the result of a violent incident he'd witnessed in prison where a young lad was stabbed in the stomach with a broken bottle.
After we broke up I re-read the letters he wrote me while in prison, only to discover he'd been moved off the tough wing and on to a 'trouble-free' wing the day before the stabbing. His words were something like, "It's a good job I was moved when I was as the next day a lad was stabbed with a broken bottle!' So he never witnessed it at all. Or he lied in the letter, but why would he do that. Surely it's better to not mention the incident at all?
Any thoughts any of you have on this would be most welcome. In all our time together he was loving, attentive, never violent, sometimes threatening but not very often and not really enough to intimidate me. Since our split he's sent me a threatening text and asked his ex to text me on his behalf to remove my pictures of him from facebook. Even in our last week together I didn't notice any change towards me. It literally happened overnight.
As I said he has had mental health problems in the past. In our time i've seen him so upset he's developed a stammer and not been able to communicate with me (on one occasion) and twice I've seen him paranoid - one time I put my house alarm on at night and locked up and he thought I was going to hurt him. Another time (when he was homeless) I took him back to mine and let him sleep for a few hours (he'd had none for four days and nights - literally) and when I put him to bed he thought I was going to call the police (he was on the run for not appearing in court!)
Please help. I've been attributing it all to drink so far but am I really missing something major on his emotional make-up?
I'm new to this forum. You will usually find me in the friends and relatives of alcoholics section. However I'm trying to come to terms with something that happened recently. My alcoholic boyfriend has suffered depression in the past and has had counselling and been on pills. When we got together three years ago he leaned heavily on me and I was only too happy to be there. (I've since learned about being Co-dependent!!) Anyway earlier this year he was in quite a tough jail for six weeks. He had never been to jail before, but it was as the result of a one-off incident which happened four years ago involving his ex, and because he's avoided fines, court appearances, probation, etc, ever since.
During his time in jail he was sober the whole time. First time I'd EVER seen him sober. (Though admittedly as he drinks non-stop - slowly but all day every day - you would not know he's not sober if you didn't know him - he can really hold his beer!) In that time he wrote me eight or nine lovely letters, saying this had really made him realise how stupid he'd been, he wouldn't go back to drinking the way he did before, etc. And he wanted to step our relationship. He wrote to his parents telling them how lucky he was to have me too.
Before prison he had been estranged from his dad and little brother for three years, had not seen his gran in that time, and was estranged on and off from his mother and children in that time. His younger brother was the one who was hardest on him - telling the whole family not to give him the time of day until he quits drinking.
During and after prison he was welcomed back into the family fold and, for the first time, he let me meet his children. I also met his dad and stepmother for the first time, his little brother, his adult brother and his wife and child, and my boyfriend's grandmother.
Six weeks after all this, he dumped me! It took him three years to wholly introduce me to his family, who all absolutely loved me and asked how he landed a girl like me, and then he dumped me!
As I said he did have mental health issues in the past, but I thought that's where they were - in the past! Two weeks after he came out of prison he did say to me he wasn't feeling right and he felt he was suffering post traumatic stress. He begged me not to tell his family though. He said it was as the result of a violent incident he'd witnessed in prison where a young lad was stabbed in the stomach with a broken bottle.
After we broke up I re-read the letters he wrote me while in prison, only to discover he'd been moved off the tough wing and on to a 'trouble-free' wing the day before the stabbing. His words were something like, "It's a good job I was moved when I was as the next day a lad was stabbed with a broken bottle!' So he never witnessed it at all. Or he lied in the letter, but why would he do that. Surely it's better to not mention the incident at all?
Any thoughts any of you have on this would be most welcome. In all our time together he was loving, attentive, never violent, sometimes threatening but not very often and not really enough to intimidate me. Since our split he's sent me a threatening text and asked his ex to text me on his behalf to remove my pictures of him from facebook. Even in our last week together I didn't notice any change towards me. It literally happened overnight.
As I said he has had mental health problems in the past. In our time i've seen him so upset he's developed a stammer and not been able to communicate with me (on one occasion) and twice I've seen him paranoid - one time I put my house alarm on at night and locked up and he thought I was going to hurt him. Another time (when he was homeless) I took him back to mine and let him sleep for a few hours (he'd had none for four days and nights - literally) and when I put him to bed he thought I was going to call the police (he was on the run for not appearing in court!)
Please help. I've been attributing it all to drink so far but am I really missing something major on his emotional make-up?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,279
Hi sclarke64448
I am sorry that you are going through so much. This is posted in the anxiety section, is that where you wanted it? You would probably get a better response in the Friends & Family section.
Please take care of yourself, it sounds like a very difficult relationship that you were in. It may be a blessing in disguise for you (this coming from a recovering alcoholic).
Take care & all of the best
NB
I am sorry that you are going through so much. This is posted in the anxiety section, is that where you wanted it? You would probably get a better response in the Friends & Family section.
Please take care of yourself, it sounds like a very difficult relationship that you were in. It may be a blessing in disguise for you (this coming from a recovering alcoholic).
Take care & all of the best
NB
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