Ug, anxiety.

[deerwalk]

Hot weather really exacerbates my anxiety, does anyone else have this problem? It' silly but true. I had planned to go out and to a little meditation later tonight, however I am feeling utterly creeped out by the thought of going out in public and talking a bus. Hot weather brings together several of my fears, like crowds and people for example. I hate a crowd... People make me cringe... I would rather hide in my room and draw and drink with a record on. How immature. The thought of interacting with strangers is seriously making me sweat today, I hate having a panic attack in the middle of being "out there". Crapola. Please wake me when it's October again.

[JJB]

Hi deer
I've had awful anxiety last night and today but hadn't thought it was the hot weather that had brought it on. I thought it was just because i'd had a very stressful day yesterday.
I've had to retake my anti-anxiety drugs again all day which i'd weaned myself off since quite a while.
I'm hoping i'll be feeling better and calmer tommorow and i hope you will too.

When i had anxiety about going out in crowds or in public my therapist helped me by reminding me that in fact everyone else is not looking at me and if I don't have a big grin across my face it really doesn't matter. If it does bother them well that's their problem not mine. I was worried that if i felt down and went out in public then everyone else would feel down too and i didn't want to inflict that on them. The therapist explained this wasn't logical.i have to stop trying to look after and change the world around me all the time which often ends up just destroying myself.

Don't know if that can help you at all but please keep posting I really can relate with the anxiety!

[Cleansing]

I LOVE the summer because i hate to wear clothing lol.
But I have to admit, the extra people out on the street does bother me. The crowds on the trains and buises here in nYC used to have me crazy. I refused to go places. I don't know if it's the valium, or the getting used to living without drugs in general, but I can manage better in the summer time now. Last summer I was high or drunk all the time. I didn't feel comfortable traveling unless I was fukked up. When I stopped using, i still felt uncomfortable, but as my meds kicked in, I felt better.
I take Valium for anxiety
Im also on Lexapro which is supposed to help with anxiety even though it's an antidepressant. Plus I'm on metoprolol a beta blocker for high blood pressure. I shouldn't be feeling any anxiety at all.

*makes thread.

[deerwalk]

Cleansing one of the reasons I hate summer so is because I am horribly ashamed of my appearance and summer requires less clothing It makes my skin crawl, I am so unhappy plus I look ridiculous because of my history of cutting, I have visible scars on my arms and people sometimes stare and it just makes me wish I'd never been born... I have always been an outcast.
Yet another shameful part of my picture...

[deerwalk]

I feel icky but if I hold out for another hour without drinking and if I avoid the often inevitable, horrible sense of depersonalization I can try to go to the temple. It's a bad day when you fear buddhists laughing at you, but then everybody laughs why not them? I've been running from this all week and drinking and now I've stopped, it's catching up with me. I miss my klonopin.

[Cleansing]

Klonopin is good for alcohol withdrawal (if you experiencing it). How come you stopped taking it? I've been on valium for a month an a half, and plan on staying on it til September.

In the thread I wrote, there are other things you can do for your anxiety. The meds were not primarily made for aniexty, but they help.

[deerwalk]

I saw that, thanks well my doctor decided it was time, back in March he chopped my prescription in half. I began going to the temple to meditate as a way to deal with anxiety but sometimes it's a problem just getting there- the first few times I went I was in a state of panic that lasted for days. I am used to going at the same time, with mostly the same people, I don't think I'm ready for a change, I am going to stay in. I'll check out your posts too, thanks

[Cleansing]

Originally Posted by deerwalk

Cleansing one of the reasons I hate summer so is because I am horribly ashamed of my appearance and summer requires less clothing It makes my skin crawl, I am so unhappy plus I look ridiculous because of my history of cutting, I have visible scars on my arms and people sometimes stare and it just makes me wish I'd never been born... I have always been an outcast.
Yet another shameful part of my picture...

I cut too. Well used to cut. My scars are visible (all on both arms) but I personally don't have a problem with them. No one says anything about them, maybe because they're small, or maybe because peopel know that's someone they shouldn't go. It's a very personal issue, so you shouldn't have to worry about the scars, no one should be bothering you. And if they do, just say, I did it for this reason, but i don't do it anymore. And that should be the end of that convo.

i also have issues with my appearance. I'm fit, but still have a pot belly. I look like a 16 year old because of my face, but have an old man's body (average build, but big gut). I hate it, plus my acne will not go away. These don't really add to my anxiety though, but they do lower my self esteem and i will skip a family function or night out with my friends if I'm not feeling "pretty" I'm male and 23 btw lol. but I still want to look good. youy know?

Let me know how it feels when your scars are exposed, maybe I can give you some tips. Why did you cut? dids you like the feeling? Do people ask about it? this all matters.

[deerwalk]

I don't know why. I never thought about it, I focus more on covering the scars. It bothers me that I can see them, I feel it's an advertisement to the world- a societal red flag. I don't like the feeling, I actually would rather avoid pain. People tend to ask about one scar on my arm in particular as it's rather large.

[Cleansing]

Well you can just tell them that you were going through a rough time, and that you thought hurting yourself would make things feel better, but it didn't, you've learned from it, and now you stopped. they shouldn't question you anymore after that.

I say feel like it's part of the past, show your scars, they tell your story, in a good way. Because you're still alive and didn't take it as far as suicide. You're alive, and living strong!

I let my scars show, and rarely get questioned about them.

I look at them now and then and think "why did I do this to myself," i used to try to hide them, but now I look at it this way, i went through a very tough time, I did somethings I shouldn't have done, but now I'm stronger, so these scars don't mean much anymore. They're just there.

[JJB]

Deer
I've seen your photos (and heard comments) how can you possibly believe you're not beautiful?
Sorry i'm a bit lost here
Why were you teased at school?
You're very beautiful

[deerwalk]

JJ that's really nice of you- I tend, like many, to get hung up on the details... I made it to meditation this morning and I feel better today... I nearly walked out before it began but I stayed the course for this morning. Now if I can do that for the rest of my days maybe I'll be in good shape

[JJB]

How's it going Deer?

If going to meditation makes you feel better then keep going if it doesn't don't force it. That's what my therapist said to me!
Funnily enough once I didn't feel "obliged" to go out to places it didn't seem so frightening.

Hope to see you in chat soon

[deerwalk]

A bit better JJ, I hope it lasts!

[joedris]

Amber, I think your doctor made a big mistake in cutting your meds. You should go back and explain to him what's going on. If he's convinced that he made the right decision, find another doctor. Alcoholics and addicts have enough to deal with in life by simply getting clean and sober. Having to fight anxiety and depression at the same time stacks the deck against us. You have enough going on w/o having to be afraid of going outside.

[deerwalk]

I think you may be right joedris! When he cut it in half, I also decided it was time to quit, which I think he had planned for me anyway. So, I tapered off according to his schedule- but I suspect it was too quick. I had an awful time through the process, and for about two months after! I was worried I might never feel the same. Now that my anxiety, though intense, is intermittent- I feel I should stick to my guns and continue to try and stay off of it so I never have to endure another withdrawal period. I realize this puts me at risk of more drinking but I am gathering more defense against that everday with exercise and meditation. If my back is really to the wall though, it will definitely be up for reconsideration.