small talk

[crzylilmndfreak]

I am soo distraught, i can barely have a conversation with my dog let alone any PERSON... i can talk for maybe a min, then feel like i need to RUN away, keep thinking "how am i gonna get out of this situation... how do i stop talking to this person without being downright rude...how do i get out of this, how do i get out of this" get the picture??lol
I dont know what to do with myself, i have been sober 14 months now, and as i have said in prior posts, my neighbors are outside CONSTANTLY having BBQs and partying, last night they were out there whoop whoop ing it up playing beer pong, its right outside my window! and ya, one said "You can come out it you want" this social anxiety thing is absolutely debilitating me, like i am in my own personal jail in my app. I dont even really like them, because they are allways drinking, and acting drunk, but they LOOK like they are having so much fun! my therapist said "just try to think how much you DONT want to be like that, acting drunk, etc. but i DO! i miss it so much, dont get me wrong, i am glad to be sober, i still have my family, and i am so grateful for that, but i just wish i could drink like a normal person, without the terrible consequenses, but i know i cant, i dont know, i am just very frustrated, thanx for lettin me vent!!

[crzylilmndfreak]

i dont think my second post went through, so i just wanted to say no offense, but please dont tell me that maybe i am not 'ready" to be sober, because i really am, i guess i just miss it sometimes, jsut not the consequenses

[Astro]

Originally Posted by crzylilmndfreak

please dont tell me that maybe i am not 'ready" to be sober, because i really am, i guess i just miss it sometimes, jsut not the consequenses

I'm not a big fan of that "maybe you're not ready" saying. For some reason it seems to go against the tolerance and compassion that we're supposed to show other alcoholics. And there are times when I miss it too, just not the horrific, bad times.

It's difficult for me to sit in a bar or with a group that's drinking and make small talk, I just find that I have very little in common with that crowd anymore. But it's been easier for me as my recovery progresses to just let that old life go and focus on the dream that I live in every day, it's much better than anything I could've planned.

Give it time to get better, and in the meantime make the most of the time that you have, focus on your children and family, and make new friends when you feel up to it. Lately it's been on my mind that my children are growing up so fast, I feel like they'll be off to college before I know it, so I'm grateful for the times when I have custody.

I'd like to share this from the Big Book, I can relate to the thoughts of "how it used to be"............

FOR MOST normal folks, drinking means conviviality, companionship and colorful imagination. It means release from care, boredom and worry. It is joyous intimacy with friends and a feeling that life is good. But not so with us in those last days of heavy drinking. The old pleasures were gone. They were but memories. Never could we recapture the great moments of the past. There was an insistent yearning to enjoy life as we once did and a heartbreaking obsession that some new miracle of control would enable us to do it. There was always one more attempt-and one more failure.

The less people tolerated us, the more we withdrew from society, from life itself. As we became subjects of King Alcohol, shivering denizens of his mad realm, the chilling vapor that is loneliness settled down. It thickened, ever becoming blacker. Some of us sought out sordid places, hoping to find understanding companionship and approval. Momentarily we did-then would come oblivion and the awful awakening to face the hideous Four Horsemen-Terror, Bewilderment, Frustration, Despair. Unhappy drinkers who read this page will understand!

Now and then a serious drinker, being dry at the moment says, "I don’t miss it at all. Feel better. Work better. Having a better time." As ex-problem drink- ers, we smile at such a sally. We know our friend is like a boy whistling in the dark to keep up his spirits. He fools himself. Inwardly he would give anything to take half a dozen drinks and get away with them. He will presently try the old game again, for he isn’t happy about his sobriety. He cannot picture life without alcohol. Some day he will be unable to imagine life either with alcohol or without it. Then he will know loneliness such as few do. He will be at the jumping-off place. He will wish for the end.

Big Book quote from the 1st edition of Alcoholics Anonymous

[crzylilmndfreak]

Originally Posted by Astro

I'm not a big fan of that "maybe you're not ready" saying. For some reason it seems to go against the tolerance and compassion that we're supposed to show other alcoholics. And there are times when I miss it too, just not the horrific, bad times.

It's difficult for me to sit in a bar or with a group that's drinking and make small talk, I just find that I have very little in common with that crowd anymore. But it's been easier for me as my recovery progresses to just let that old life go and focus on the dream that I live in every day, it's much better than anything I could've planned.

Give it time to get better, and in the meantime make the most of the time that you have, focus on your children and family, and make new friends when you feel up to it. Lately it's been on my mind that my children are growing up so fast, I feel like they'll be off to college before I know it, so I'm grateful for the times when I have custody.

I'd like to share this from the Big Book, I can relate to the thoughts of "how it used to be"............

FOR MOST normal folks, drinking means conviviality, companionship and colorful imagination. It means release from care, boredom and worry. It is joyous intimacy with friends and a feeling that life is good. But not so with us in those last days of heavy drinking. The old pleasures were gone. They were but memories. Never could we recapture the great moments of the past. There was an insistent yearning to enjoy life as we once did and a heartbreaking obsession that some new miracle of control would enable us to do it. There was always one more attempt-and one more failure.

The less people tolerated us, the more we withdrew from society, from life itself. As we became subjects of King Alcohol, shivering denizens of his mad realm, the chilling vapor that is loneliness settled down. It thickened, ever becoming blacker. Some of us sought out sordid places, hoping to find understanding companionship and approval. Momentarily we did-then would come oblivion and the awful awakening to face the hideous Four Horsemen-Terror, Bewilderment, Frustration, Despair. Unhappy drinkers who read this page will understand!

Now and then a serious drinker, being dry at the moment says, "I don’t miss it at all. Feel better. Work better. Having a better time." As ex-problem drink- ers, we smile at such a sally. We know our friend is like a boy whistling in the dark to keep up his spirits. He fools himself. Inwardly he would give anything to take half a dozen drinks and get away with them. He will presently try the old game again, for he isn’t happy about his sobriety. He cannot picture life without alcohol. Some day he will be unable to imagine life either with alcohol or without it. Then he will know loneliness such as few do. He will be at the jumping-off place. He will wish for the end.

Big Book quote from the 1st edition of Alcoholics Anonymous

thank you so much for your response, any kind of feedback from all would be just wonderful, i feel so alone, Thank you Astro, for the paragraph in the Big Book, this post is feeling more and more like maybe it should be on the alcohol board, so i think i will move it there

[Astro]

Originally Posted by crzylilmndfreak

any kind of feedback from all would be just wonderful, i feel so alone

Thought I'd share this in response..........

Wednesday, December 16, 2009
You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning

To have someone who brings out the colors of life and whose very presence offers tranquility and contentment enriches my being and makes me grateful for the opportunity to share.
--Kathleen Tierney Crilly

Loneliness and isolation are familiar states to most of us. We often protected our insecurities by hiding out, believing that we'd survive if others didn't know who we really were. But we discovered that our insecurities multiplied. The remedy is people - talking to people, exposing our insecurities to them, risking, risking, risking.

Sharing our mutual vulnerabilities helps us see how fully alike we are. Our most hated shortcoming is not unique, and that brings relief. It's so easy to feel utterly shamed in isolation. Hearing another woman say, "I understand. I struggle with jealousy too," lifts the shame, the dread, and the burden of silence. The program has taught us that secrets make us sick, and the longer we protect them, the greater are our struggles.

The program promises fulfillment, serenity, and achievement when we willingly share our lives. Each day we can lighten our burdens and help another lighten hers, too.

I will be alert today to the needs of others. I will risk sharing. I will be a purveyor of tranquility.
From Each Day a New Beginning: Daily Meditations for Women by Karen Casey © 1982, 1991 by Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved.

[crzylilmndfreak]

wow, thank you so much, Astro, those words are very inspiring, the tough part for me is putting myself out there due to this social anxiety, that is why i love being on this site so much, and hearing that others ARE like me,and i dont have to talk face to face, but i am at the point now that i am grasping at straws for help, i have gone to 2 AA meetings, and had to leave early, i started hyperventalating, there was a man who was sharing, and he was saying that he lives in a small appartment complex and he has to look down his patio and see people partying, sounded just like me, he has quite a bit of sobriety, and i wanted so bad to talk to him so bad, but i just couldnt, ...i just went back to my dr. today and was put on Buspar, so we'll see how that goes

[Zencat]

I don't know if duel diagnoses treatment groups are available to you crzylilmndfreak or if going to AA may be somewhat the same...but after a wile I get used to the regular attendance by my fellow group members. And after some time going to the same group I get a bit at ease of being there. That sure makes it easy to talk to others in my group after I get used to them being there week after week. Maybe its the familiarity that helps me somewhat calm with my social anxiety...especially when I'm feeling safe in a professionally facilitated group.

[justbored]

It really is nice to kow I'm not the only one that feels this way. Thank you for being so brave crzylilmndfreak.

[crzylilmndfreak]

Originally Posted by justbored

It really is nice to kow I'm not the only one that feels this way. Thank you for being so brave crzylilmndfreak.

well ive gotton though the toughest times, summer is over, so they arent out there anymore, thank goodness... i got through it and didnt drink! it wasnt easy, and it still is not easy, i still think about it alot through out the day...
.... every day , and i jsut want to know when this feeling will go away, or if it ever will. I have so many other mental issues, and the OCD surely does'nt help in the least bit, makes abstaining from my addictions 100 times worse.. i allway tell my husband "its miserable up there" (my head lol ) but really, most of the time i just want to "get away" from myself", and when i was drinking, or using any kind of pills, or basically anything i could get my hands on, ( i am a "trash can" junkie) i feel so... alive, and on top of the world, now, being 16 months sober from alcohol (ive had a couple slips with pills)
its like i dont know who i am, or how to behave around people which there in comes my severe anxiety... i am on several medications for my all my "issues" but nothing seems to reallly work,... i have been to many AA meetings, and feel very uncomfortable and kind of paranoid, and i have read throu many book, adn read alot of your posts here which really IS a big help for me,oh i dont know what is wrong with me... i wish there was some kind of "cure all" pill for all my problems, and it sucks that it has to be this way... ugh...