I've noticed....

that one thing we all have in common is a struggle with guilt. I'm wondering if guilt is a cause of PTSD. There are a lot of people who go through truama who don't develop PTSD. I've also noticed that people start feeling better once they get their guilt and shame resolved.

So, what do you feel guilty about????

[2stop]

You know what? That is an excellent point. MG!!~ You're on to something I do believe...

There is so much I feel guilt and shame over...I wouldn't know where to start tonight listing them, but I know I need to think/write it out in my journal and find a way to release it, or at least replace it somehow..it gets so damned heavy, ya know?

I've had great success on the boards sharing my guilt and fears and finding relief. Try writing it and see if it helps. If not we're all ears. The harder it is to talk about the more it is keeping us sick.

[SkyIsFalling42]

Gosh..this is a tough one..the shame is still in progress.
The guilt...what a list!

real guilt rated 1-10

staying with an abusive husband-10

abortion-10

not hugging my kids more when they got older-5

giving the goldfish a bath with soap

Not taking brittany to the sheriff when her arm was broken (letting DHS intimidate me)-10

being born-4

smashing my brothers mouse under the standing ashtray by accident

having needs-6

being sexually molested-6

not going to see my grandma more-9

being mentally and physically abused as a child-5

eating my aunts dog

That was fast Sky. You are really aware of the guilt you feel. Which one is the hardest to talk about.

[margo]

Not being a better mom to my daughter. I was very selfish and she lost out on a lot because of that. It's an issue I have a very difficult time with.

[SkyIsFalling42]

Three of them...the abortion, staying in the abuse, and brittany
I think in that order

Margo..I have the same type of issues regarding my oldest daugher..its so sad..but we learn on our first child

Margo,
I know how the parent guilt can get to you. I think we tend to forget the good things we do and only remember the bad too. I tell all the young parents I see to write down the good things you do because when the kids grow up and have problems you will never remember them. I go through parent guilt all the time, but I know I did my best with what I knew. I can remember all the little bad things I did, but can't remember the little good things. My daughter has done a lot of healing, but my son hasn't. It's hard to forgive myself for not knowing to protect him from things that happened to him as a child. I also wish I could go back and talk to him more and spend more quality time with him.

Sky,
Those are tough issues to work through. The guilt I have the hardest time with are the things I can't go back and change and make better. The things I can't fix. Those are the hardest to let go of. Really, really tough. Talking, talking, talking, talking helps.

[SkyIsFalling42]

I really stuggle with the feeling that God cannot foregive me for the abortion. I had taken a whole cabinet full of pills..everything I could find..trying to get away from the abuse. I did not know I was pregnant at the time. I was in ICU for 3 days, and then moved up to the second floor for around a week. The doctor could not tell me how the overdose would effect the baby. It was 1982. He did not know what long term effect the overdose would have on me. I chose the abortion..this is very hard for me to live with..like you said I cant do anything about it. It was my baby, and I chose to kill it. Do you think God can foregive for that?

I know God can forgive you for that. There are many people in the bible that were guilty of causing another's death and they were forgiven. Paul is one that comes to mind. He had many Christians killed. King David is another. I also think that grieving will help you let go and I think that guilt keeps us from that grief.

Take a look here Sky.

http://www.seghea.com/cheryl/index-2.html

Hugs,
MG

[SkyIsFalling42]

I agree that the guilt holds us back..it is so trying at times. I still have the big folder that I put together with all the posts here on the boards that I liked. I am still working on the guilt one, along with the shame post. there is so much info in that folder it may take me a lifetime. I do work on it though..just not the the same subject..i kind of skip around and go back. This seems to work best for me.
Thank you for listening to me..you got the old noggin tickin again!
I need to do quite alot of work on my bible stuff..slow process!

Oh i didnt really eat my aunts dog..but i hope you figured that

[SkyIsFalling42]

OMG!!! the first line blew me out of the water...thank you MG..gonna go stick my nose in it for a while before bed!

[SkyIsFalling42]

Wow..there is alot of support on this site..gonna check it out good in the morning. Looks like I have another reason for PTSD. My psychiatrist told me that from the things I had told her She saw every reason for this to be happening to me. Wait till i share this with her...this just blows me away!! I know that everything is connected..but I had not put this together yet.
I appreciate your insight and caring so much.
Zoloft is really knocking me out so going to bed now..hope you sleep well..angels on your pillow.

Goodnight Sky.

See you tomorrow.

Hugs,
MG

[Captain Morgan]

I don't know if I have PTSD, and in fact I don't know if I've ever even experienced anything that would be considered traumatic. With that being said, I think "guilt" or "shame" should be my middle name. I don't know why, but I seem to feel guilt and shame for everything I do and everything I don't do. Nothing I do is ever really good enough, and I never seem to make the right decisions. I feel guilty for not having true respect for my dad even though he's tried so hard to earn it. I feel guilty because I've always seemed to want to be everything he's not. Sometimes I just feel guilty for being me.

It's good to see you Captain Morgan,

There has to be some reason for the way you feel. Did you grow up in a critical environment? Were you smarter than those your age and felt different than everyone else? Maybe there was something that happened that you blocked out of memory. Were you bullied by kids at school? Do you have an overactive "sin conscience"? (that's what I call it)

There's a reason for feeling guilt and shame. I've had to overcome mine by taking risks and letting others see who I am. Not an easy task for me. I have a real fear of rejection.

Hugs,
MG

[Captain Morgan]

Hi MG. I really don't know what causes me to feel this way. I've always had this strange ongoing conflict going on when it comes to my self-image. Somedays I look in the mirror and I feel attractive, and other days I'm repulsed. Some days I feel intelligent, and sometimes slow and dimwitted, and the list goes on and on. I do believe religion is tied into this somehow, but ultimately I think it's maybe just part of who I am. Life is just so simple and yet so complex and there are just too many things that factor into making a person who they are to sort it all out.

It is hard to figure out. It took me quite some time and I'm still not done. Letting go is pretty hard when you don't know what it is your holding on to. I think you're like me and focus inward too much. I always have myself under a microscope. Try to enjoy yourself as much as you can. God will take care of the rest.

Hugs,
MG

[SkyIsFalling42]

Captain Morgan
I just wanted to say that at the top of this page is a post "Coping with Guilt... that I printed out and have been disecting for quite a while now. It is very long and packed full of almost every kind of info you can think of..every angle of guilt. Maybe you could take a look at it..it is helping me so much.

MG
The microscope, social phobia, everything inward..thats me too. It is so hard for me to get at my feelings sometimes. Still working on the block I have always had up. Alot of times, when my counselor asks me something I cannot answer until the next visit. this is where the writing helps me.

[2stop]

Last night I spent a lot of time thinking about guilt and shame in my life and the role they play in limiting me..and I think my biggest guilt is that I just can't "get it" and get it right now!! I feel great guilt that I have to spend so much time on trying..I used to drive my husband nuts by telling him that "trying is dying..JUST HAVE TO DO IT!!~ I could tell you great reasons all day long why you should not feel guilty, to be patient with yourself...but I am very intolerant of myself and any failures...

[Josie]

Well,

My guilt.....

My husband's death and my abortion.

Not giving my kids a healthy environment
when they were growing up.

Robbing my kids of brothers/sisters.

Violent relationships.

Disappointing God.

[SkyIsFalling42]

(((Josie)))

That link that MG gave above is very good..eye opening info!! I hope that you saw it. I will be disecting it for some time.

Dissapointing God....You gave me somthing to really think about here.

[Josie]

Sky,

That is the link M.G. gave me also.
They have ladies there that will talk you
(or e-mail you) through it and have been there. Also Cheryl and these ladies will send books, and know where counseling is in your
area. I have one book so far and one chapter
was so depressing I could hardly read it.

It has affected every aspect of my life.

It's a difficult thing to work through.
I created my own PTSD by a choice, a choice
I didn't believe in and severely paid.

Hugs,

[SkyIsFalling42]

OH ((Josie))

You really lost me there? I dont think we chose this for ourselves at all..PTSD. Like MG says..we do the best we can with what we have at the time. If you were anything like me..well lets just say I had next to nothing. So...when we have this much..how can we give more?
When I heard you being so critical and beating yourself up..it hurt me. It reminded me how I tend to this same thing...we really need to struggle through these feelings to become whole. And I know how very hard it is..you are not alone.
It is true, I believe, that for every action we take there is a re-action. We choose the action..but we do not choose the reaction. We cannot foresee that when we have no eyes. I had no eyes, and that was not necessarily by choice, but by circumstance.
We cannot go fishing without a pole, we cannot drive without a car, etc.
We cannot reach our souls with this guilt, anger and shame.