overwhelming anxiety

[Sweets79]

Originally Posted by least

I am bothered by the mother of all anxiety attacks. This is the second day now that I've woken up in a state of horrible anxiety and it's lasted all day. I am on Neurontin for anxiety (off label) as my Pdoc won't give me benzos anymore because I'm so easily addicted. I'm at my wit's end dealing with this. I laid down this afternoon and napped for a couple hours, only to wake up feeling just as agitated and nervous as ever.

I've tried chamomile tea, valerian, and all the calming herbs but no relief. I feel like I'm about to jump out of my skin! Last year at this time I would have been drinking away my anxiety, only to deal with worse anxiety the next day, of course. Now that's no longer an option, which is a good thing as it only made the anxiety worse. I don't know what else I can do to treat this, to make it less or make it go away. I'm just venting my frustration and anxiety cause I don't think there's anything else I can do.

Hi least,

I understand what you've been going through. I am having a tough time with anxiety myself. Just tonight I let things overwhelm me. They 'even really big matters, just some new changes, and some stuff that's been festering.

At one point I felt like I was going to jump out of my skin and really started craving a drink, then I spoke to someone special and he made me feel better. It's nice to have someone supportive to talk to to help you get through times like this. I would have definitely not hesitated to pick up a drink if this was a few months ago.

I am still feeling weird, but the initial anxiety has passed. I have some still lingering though. It is so hard when you're used to drowning that anxiety in liquor. You feel lost without it. I need to find some techniques and coping skills to deal with it.

[least]

Please don't worry about it, or about me. this is a 'tool' for my sobriety and will be helpful to keep off the wine. My stress level is so high lately I need help, so am taking all the help I can get to stay sober. I'm not worried about it, please don't you worry.

[least]

Slept well last night and woke up feeling calmer than I have in days... until I found that dk had left the house after I went to bed and had left the back door open all night!!!!! She's too old for a spanking, tho her behavior is that of a little kid, and any punishment i give her she just ignores and does as she pleases when my back is turned.

I have named my anxiety after her...

[least]

Tomorrow is my birthday and the kids have already given me a present... a kitchen full of dirty dishes and messes to clean up. Because I know they took a lot of time and trouble picking out just what I'd need, I washed them right up... then found they'd hidden some more "presents" in their rooms and all over the house. I am moved to tears by their thoughtfullness... and realize this must be their way of saying "we still need you mom". I'm wondering what wonderful gift I'll find when I wake up tomorrow on my actual birthday?? I can hardly wait...

[alcoholnitemare]

F*&k n ay....alcohol withdrawls are the worst...i just went threw them last nite and this morning....not to mention i only had one shot of vodka in my bottle...not enough to take away those horrible hell of shakes...anxiety to the extreme...so bad I thought I was in hell...to bad to want to go to the liquor store...wish i had some valium or some ativan..never had ne of those..but i hear it makes you feel a hole alot better..maybe its that vodka...maybe beer would never of did that to me if thats all I drank..but i hear those type of pills would help you quit if you had them

[least]

stop drinking now and after a few days that anxiety will go away.


I wasn't talking about withdrawal anxiety, but about anxiety in my life. why don't you start your own thread in newcomers? THis forum is about mental health anxiety, not withdrawal anxiety.

[warrens]

Susan

I've "known" you for a long time. Like most of us, you have a prevailing theme. Anxiety. I am all too familiar with it. These days, I am in "remission."

I won't offer medical advice. I have zero qualifications to do so. I can only relate my experience. In my case, it has been finding the right meds in the right dose.

At wit's end last spring, and on advice from my therapist and MD, I reluctantly tripled my daily intake of Zoloft. From 50 mg to 150 mg. I also have a scrip for Xenix. I rarely take it. I find that knowing that it is there, and that it will act quickly, is typically enough. Kinda like a storm cellar. I can weather the storms knowing that security is there if I need it. I don't consider Xenix as a treatment, but a "fail safe." .5 mg will put me right to sleep.

It took me decades to admit that I needed help, Susan. Typical male. I self medicated with beer. As you know well, it only exacerbates the problem. Terribly.

I went 55 years without taking nary an aspirin. Nothing. Ever. So, it is with great reluctance, at age 61, to take several pills/day. Blood pressure, aspirin, Zoloft, vitamin B. Recently I added Plavix because of a TIA (mini stroke).

I'd love to blow off my meds. The regimen is so unnatural to me. Occasionally I will go a few days without. Idiot. Just went 3 days without and I feel like spit.

All we addicts have ever wanted was to feel "normal." In the absence of real meds, we resort to what is available. Problem is, they overdo it and F us up. Addiction follows. The path to hell. We feel anything but normal.

I have no clue what meds are right for you. My ex wife, daughter, and one of my sons are incredibly functional because of theirs. Each has their own "potion" that normalizes them. None drink or do any drugs. We are lucky indeed to live in a time when this stuff isn't treated by downers, etc. Remember "Valley of the Dolls?"

The science is in its infancy. In 20 years there will be "designer meds." Anxiety and depression isn't normal. I can deal with life events that are tragic. The grief they produce is "normal." Waking up on a beautiful day and puking our guts out isn't normal. It's biochemistry and neurology. Something dreadfully out of whack. I'd rather have fire ants all over me than endure a panic attack out of nowhere. It's not circumstance, but biochemistry gone haywire. Maybe 100,000 years ago those chemicals made us hunt, gather, and defend. At that time an "old person" was 30. Today, when we are 60 and live in cities, those chemicals make us mad. For most of us survival is less of an issue and relationships are more of an issue. And when we are crazy with chemistry out of control, relationships are impossible.

Susan, I've known you for two years. Your anxiety isn't circumstantial. It is clinical and biochemical. Stop blaming yourself and come to acceptance. The cure isn't through depressants that numb you. It is through meds that normalize you. When we are normalized, we can tackle the really tough issues in life in a very sane way. When in control of ourselves, we have less need to try and control others. We are simply content to let life happen.

Consider finding the right med. SSRI or whatever. Can't afford it? Well, a bottle of wine/day is $180 per month. That which will kill you. Fortunately, my Zoloft is now generic (Sertraline). $10/month. But, I will finally take whatever works. Waking up puke free is priceless. Let us find a way to make meds cheaper than poison.

Find peace. It's not you, Susan. Stop blaming yourself for that which is beyond your control. Surrender, rather than fighting, is the path to healing. I lost 20 years fighting. I was overmatched. It was bigger than me.

I find benzos a great safety net. A safety net that I rarely need. 'Cause I know the net is there and I'm not going to die. No need to be scared. Your recipe may be far different. If I were taking benzos daily, I would be very concerned. They are not a cure, but a but a tourniquet. They stop the bleeding, but are also dangerous.

In my mind, a therapist with a thorough knowledge of pharmacology is like a defibrillator. Working in concert with an MD, she can save your life. She saved mine.

You CAN find peace, Susan. Know that. Without alcohol or any other addictive substance. Without numbing the pain. We are led to believe that tea and exercise and herbs are the key. When they don't work, we only feel more inferior. If yoga, meditation,exercise, herbs, and natural cures worked for me, I would surely embrace them. Actually I do embrace them. But they ain't enough and I am tired of feeling guilty because they aren't enough. If I'd lived 10,000 years ago, I wouldn't have to deal with this stuff. I'd have been dead at least 30 years ago. But I'm not dead. I don't want to be dead quite yet. Addiction is death while breathing. And I want to celebrate each day I have left. Doesn't mean that I expect ecstasy 24/7. Simple pleasures will do. But, there ain't no simple pleasures when we are wracked with pain.

friend warren

[least]

THank you Warren. I woke up late this morning, on my 58th bday, and fed the dogs and am now sitting in my den 'escaping' thru the internet. I just had to cancel my longstanding insurance policy cause I can't afford the money it costs every month. I'll get a small check for the cash surrender value so that will pay a couple bills.

I am getting prime rib takeout tonight cause I have a free dinner coupon. I will eat it alone in my den, with the dogs, of course, waiting for the scraps I'll give them. I wish for nothing more than for the kids to be out of the house for the day so I can enjoy the day in peace, of sorts.

I am on meds. Have been for years. Saw the shrink yesterday and he increased my bipolar and anxiety meds and said "see you in four months". I see my (alcohol) counselor once a week and she's helpful but still doesn't understand what I put up with at home from my selfish demanding kids. I'm waiting eagerly for college kid to go back to school and youngest kid (defiant kid) to go back to her last year of high school. At least I'll have the house to myself during the day and half the mess will be gone when ck leaves.

I'm just hanging on, day be day, minute by minute, and waiting for bedtime when I can escape into sleep with my dogs by my side. Not much of a life, living for bedtime, but it's the best I can do for now.

xoxo

[Candygirl]

I have to agree with Suki. It is really just changing from one masking agent (alcohol) to another (tranquilizers). Why not get the help you need learning stress reducing coping skills like I mentioned before (cbt etc) or some other form if stress is your problem?
Better to treat the underlying problem (stress) than to mask the problem in the long run imo. Good luck

[least]

The 'underlying' problem is my youngest kid who is 17. I can't just "breathe" her sh!t away, so having ativan when she's unbearable is most helpful. I'm not masking anything, if I could, I'd mask youngest kid, and hogtie and gag her too. Whatever keeps me from wanting to strangle her or run in front of a big truck. You have NO IDEA what she puts me thru.

The "underlying problem" is my youngest kid, and the problem will never be solved thru cbt or any other "coping" skill, it will be solved when she MOVES OUT and lives on her own without dragging me into her sh!t.

Better to take an ativan once in a while than to drink myself into a stupor every day over youngest kid and her crap. I'll take the lesser of two evils, thankyouverymuch.

[least]

Cannot get rid of this anxiety. Feel like I'm about to jump out of my skin. Tried to nap but couldn't sleep. Walked the dogs and still feel 'wound up'. I'll be glad to get to the end of this day.

[HuskyPup]

Hi Least. I also suffer from very similar anxiety, and have for most of my life. Coupled with this is a scenario in which I'm close to being out of a job, a place to live, and access to a dr. I have horrible credit, no house, no retirement, no savings, a tooth that is infected/going bad and hurts like hell, a car that is scary/dangerous to drive, and no money to fix it, the engine is burning oil, it's old, has a broken joint, and has started to make some very jarring noises this week.

I wake up and feel this sense of dread all day, and seldom sleep. SSRIs(these made my even worse), Buspar, and earlier meds did nothing, benzos did offer some help, but my dr. moved and the new one thinks I should taper off, so I did, and now am on day 7 off Klonopin, and feeling like I'm gonna totally lose it. I shake so much driving, I can hardly operate the car. Yet I have to work, or no money. Part of me hopes I will die in a crash, that way, I will not have to worry, it won't be a suicide, just an accident. Or I could OD, pills and booze, again, it would seem like an accident, of sorts, but I hear it's actually harder to OD than one would think, with my luck, I'd just end up in a coma.

I don't know where to turn for help: I have insurance but can't meet the co-pays, the free/sliding scale places say I make too much, though I am getting my wages garnished, and make very little. I seem to fall between the cracks of qualifying for anything, and this just makes me more desparate.

Has been so long since I had money for a therapist, just my primary care doc. .....I've been going crazy all day, this has to be worse than any hell.......I'm unable to relax, focus, meditate…herbal tea, valarian, kava seem like pennies in the grand canyon. Feel hot and cold, shaky, sick to my stomache, my digestive system is in literal pain.

Why have my nerves always been so over-reactive to incoming sensation?

And now, with some truly scary things happening in real life, I am losing it.

I keep wondering what I did so wrong to have a life like this, where it all went bad….now, it’s like I am falling from a tall building, waiting to land with a thud below, and the darkness to envelop me, to break the picture making mechanism of reality, to subtract me from the equation.

I will read some poems by Anne Sexton, and wonder over this.

[least]

Another anxiety-ridden day... sigh... I'm so sick of not being able to relax and enjoy the day, only full of worry and anxiety and feeling half sick from stress.

[least]

The last few days have been a non stop anxiety attack. I've taken my herbal supplements but so far they haven't helped. I have a horrible feeling of impending doom, my heart is racing even tho I'm sitting still. Getting really sick of feeling so tense and wound up.

[least]

Woke up in another anxiety attack. I'm getting so sick of feeling this way. I just want to feel 'normal' and not so tense and wound up. Is that asking too much?? Sick to death of feeling like this...

[Lilya]

Hi Least,

I´m sorry you have these anxiety attacks. I used to suffer from them for years on end. My underlying reason was a terrible insecurity and no self-esteem, so I felt I couldn´t handle the slightest stress the world threw me.

Staying sober was the first order of business for me, but it took a long time. Next step was to look at my whole life as honestly I could and tackle my money problems, my relationship with my children and family. I did it with the help of a therapist and some medication and it really helped.

By rebuilding my life and joining people who have the same problem I´m getting there. I still get attacks, but I know how to deal with them and I most certainly need to rebuild my life yet again, as I´m doing by posting here.

I believe that simple and achievable goals can take away the symptoms. Of course it´s a very complex disorder, so I´m not minimizing it. It´s like a knot that needs entangling.

When something overwhelms me, I write it down and put it in a small box I call "my Godbox". Then I take an action not to think about that problem for the day, or ten days or a month. I let Higher power deal with the problem. This helps me letting go of the outcome.

I use that free time from worry by looking for informations from the internet, library and other people in order to solve the problem or at least how to deal with it. This could involve looking for a therapist or talking to a local hotline.

Wishing you all the best.

[least]

I was doing alright today until I brought defiant kid over here to (supposedly) spend the weekend cause of her having a cold and her sister not wanting the baby to catch it. Well, after an hour of her screaming at me, really screaming, and cussing me out for all my failures and how stupid I am, I caved in and called her sister and begged her to let dk stay there. I felt like one more minute with dk screaming at me and I'd be wanting to shoot myself.

Now I'm at home alone again and trying to calm down but still feel tight in the throat and my heart is pounding like I've been running a hundred miles. I don't want any more encounters with dk for a while. I can't take the punishment she loves to dole out.

[Candygirl]

Originally Posted by least

The 'underlying' problem is my youngest kid who is 17. I can't just "breathe" her sh!t away, so having ativan when she's unbearable is most helpful. I'm not masking anything, if I could, I'd mask youngest kid, and hogtie and gag her too. Whatever keeps me from wanting to strangle her or run in front of a big truck. You have NO IDEA what she puts me thru.

The "underlying problem" is my youngest kid, and the problem will never be solved thru cbt or any other "coping" skill, it will be solved when she MOVES OUT and lives on her own without dragging me into her sh!t.

Better to take an ativan once in a while than to drink myself into a stupor every day over youngest kid and her crap. I'll take the lesser of two evils, thankyouverymuch.

I agree with the last part, but just be careful with them. I got a lot better when I realized that the way I thought about things made me more anxious and accepted that my life was 10% what happens in it and 90% how I reacted and or thought about what was happening.

I sincerely hope you feel better soon

[least]

The anxiety is still there, and now it's often attached to my dealings with defiant kid (youngest kid, 17 yrs old). I'm told by experts that I have to 'retrain' her to treat me with respect and to respect my boundaries. I'm doing that, but in the process am ridden with anxiety over her constant calls asking for rides or favors. I've been telling her NO and sticking to it, but her calls and nagging are wearing me out. When my phone rings and it's from her I go into 'stress mode'. My heart starts racing and I feel physically sick.

I intend to stand my ground and have issued an edict that I will not take her anywhere but to medical appts and her Sunday night youth group meetings. She still calls, trying to badger me into giving in. But so far I'm holding my ground and just saying NO.

I can see that her retraining is going to take a lot of effort and time. I just hope I'm still alive and well at the end of it...

[suki44883]

((((LEAST)))) Have you considered not answering the phone when you see it's her calling? She can't badger you if she can't talk to you.

[least]

Sometimes I don't answer it,but am afraid that the call I don't answer might actually be important. But when she calls back after being told NO then I don't answer it.