wifeofpinocchio

First off, this site used to be a lifesaver to me as I was dealing with my spouse who became an alcoholic, substance user and gambler and physical and mental abuser. It took me 6 yrs of hell until I left in Nov 2008. When I mustered the energy and developed a plan to leave, I noticed at first instant peace in my house. I never regretted my decision and have never looked back.

One thing I have noticed and that I thought would go away is that I have a feeling of restlessness. Its hard for me to complete tasks that used to be easy for me like paying bills and just managing my every day life.

I also fell in love with a man the complete opposite of my ex, responsible, priorities straight. He doesn't hang in bars nor was drinkikng important to him unless we went out together. I dated him about a year and a half but my past issues with my ex has ruined that relationship. I have bad trust issues which resurfaced from time to time and my boyfriend wasn't used to being questioned nor my temper flaring from time to time and me saying hurtful things. My ex had a horrible temper so our relationship was very fiery.

As I reflect on everything in my life, I feel that even though I left my ex 2 years ago, I feel like I'm left with I don't know if its Post traumatic stress disorder or what the problem is, but I feel if I don't change or get some kind've help that I am going to sabotage any chance for a normal relationship and ruin my chance at ever finding happiness again. I now feel that I have a hole in my heart as the man I fell in love with was like a "rock" to me and everything that I was looking for.

Sorry, I just needed a place to vent tonight!

suki44883

As you know, you can vent here any time. SR is always open.

Have you considered seeing a therapist regarding this matter? Clearly you have issues that should be addressed so they don't continue to sabotage your future relationships.

wifeofpinocchio

No, I haven't but I do think I need to. I am starting a couple herbs that is supposed to treat anxiety and depression first. If I start loving too much, I almost become uneasy and I don't know what the problem is? I become too dependent, too obsessive as well. oh boy.....i thought I solved everything when I left.........

Thanks!

Starburst

(((Hugs))), I feel for you, you, sound like you were in a very bad relationship before, sometimes, I feel when we have been with someone a long time, we change to suit them, and forget how to be us, always worrying if we will be the cause of the next outburst? When Mr Right came along, showing you exactly how a relationship should be, your former self, tried to protect itself, as if, it was getting into the same bad place. You definately need to speak to someone who can help you work through all these emotions, the herbs will be a big plus, but can't take away unworked issues. You deserve a chance of happiness.

nowinsituation

Wife - I just stumbled over here from the f&f list... I understand where you are coming from. I left my AH almost 3 years ago now. I have been in therapy, and did Al-anon for a couple of years. My anxiety was outrageous.... I wondered too, why things didn't get better, I was FREE!!! While the relationship with my XAH was relatively calm, I didn't (and still don't) know where all that fear and anxiety was coming from. I suspect there are many things in my childhood and family of origin.... and I am working on those things.

I also began taking medication for anxiety. It has helped tremendously. The specific med I take is Lexapro-- and it does not numb me or leave my fuzzy -- just calmer and more focused. That is my experience anyway. One morning when I was getting ready for work I started worrying about some minor work issues that I knew I would be facing. I looked at myself in the mirror and wondered why I was worrying about that stuff.... then realized I forgot to take my meds the night before. It's amazing.

I think with time I am getting better, and may not need the meds forever.

I also had a painful post divorce relationship... ugh. I am in a relationship right now that is becoming very serious. It has not been trouble-free, but I have been dealing with my fears and insecurities better. I know what you mean about losing yourself and obsessing, LOL.

Hope this helps. It does seem to go in cycles, and I definately feel a lot more anxiety before I have a huge emotional and spiritual growth spurt... so maybe that is what's causing it.

Good luck