Anyone with social phobia?

[sable1]

I'm pretty sure I have it though I havn't been diagnosed.
All my life I have felt this wall between me and other people. Not like I have a problem talking or hanging out, at least not with one person at a time or with people that I know well. But I just find it so hard to get to know new people.
I think it comes from very low sense of self worth or something, like I assume that they would not want to be friends with me. Even with people I know well, like my ex boyfriend, I have always had this feeling that if they really knew me they wouldn't like me.

Anyone with the same problem?

[justanothrdrunk]

I have social anxiety. I have no idea where it comes from.

All I know is that it's difficult for me in many social situations. And I'm usually pretty worn out afterward - even family functions. I can only stand a couple hours before I need some down time.

The main thing for me is to recognize this for what it is most simply, a problem that I have, not someone else. What I mean is, it's not caused by someone else or their behavior. In addition, I tell myself that my discomfort/anxiety isn't being caused by something I'm doing wrong either. It just happens. At the very least, when I do that, it doesn't make itself worse (as in, I'm having a problem and am worried others will know I'm having a problem and things just get worse from their because I'm now worried about other's perceptions.)

I also allow myself to take a break from these situations when I need. I don't try to "gut it out" as I used to. Now, when I've had enough I have no problem excusing myself for a few to get myself settled down some.

[Eleison]

I have severe social anxiety.
But it's not listed as a separate diagnosis for me.

[kj3880]

I have a case of it. I even have trouble asking waitresses for ketchup! My son laughs at me about it, and I try to keep a sense of humour. It's not the worst thing to have. Shyness can be very endearing. Although it makes certain things, like dating and parties, more difficult, at least nobody ever calls you a loud-mouth!
KJ

[Clutch B]

It sounds like you're describing me here: "I assume that they would not want to be friends with me."

I have very few friends for that reason. Really, the only friends I have are people who reached out to me. I don't know why.

[Thanks2HP]

Yep, I have always had a problem being around people. I can handle small groups but parties and/or large groups have always been difficult for me. Of course for the longest time I used alcohol as a social lubricant but do not have that crutch any longer. The drinking stopped working...

Although I'm sorry to hear there are others that suffer it's somewhat comforting to know that there are other people with the same issues.

[yeahgr8]

I have the same thing, i am going to counselling for it now. It can be treated which is the good news but you need to find someone to go and talk about it with, i tried dealing with it for all my adult life (am 37 now) and, at some point, i had to accept that i could not solve the issue myself. Of course alcohol 'helped' but really it hindered. Counselling has helped me. I have a professional job where i have to make presentations in front of lots of strangers, and no problem with people i know but put me at a dinner with people i don't know and i turn from quite an outgoing guy into a mouse!!! different for everyone but go and deal with it with some help, thats my 2 cents worth:-)

[historyteach]

I too, can deal with speaking in front of large audiences. I'm a teacher, (obviously, ) and have no problem in class, or talking with parents or at confrences, assemblies and other large gatherings. That's because I'm in a 'role.' I'm not 'me' then. I'm the teacher. And I behave as the teacher is supposed to behave.

But, in any social social situation, where I have to be me, well, the biggest problem is, I think, I still don't know who 'I' am! I'm 53 and still searching for 'me.'

I'm a highly sensitive person. I pick up on other's emotions and tend to react to them. I'm learning to do better, but, in a crowd, or in a one on one situation, I don't do well, unless I know the people very well.

I've left social gatherings because I just cannot handle it. I've not gone places because I just can't face meeting people. Social anxiety lends itself to a very lonely existence sometimes. I've had counseling; I've had medication; I've learned coping techniques. Nothing has really dealt with it effectively. So, I just live out my life with a small group of people and my siblings for company. And, it's ok. It's just that I know it could be better... because of what I've missed out on in life. And that is a shame. We've only this life to live, ya know?

Shalom!

[adore79]

Originally Posted by historyteach

I'm a highly sensitive person. I pick up on other's emotions and tend to react to them.

Yes I think I do that too. Thanks for describing it.

[Stubborn1]

I was so that way until I was twenty. Then a friend talked me into getting on stage to sing in front of all my peers and a crowd and along with my shaking knees I got over it pretty quick. I soon became a social butterfly.
My mother used to cut me down so I had low self esteem. I honestly used to care what people think. Now.........I don't. I am me, I know I'm funny, pretty and have a lot to offer. I'm not appauling by any means but I am opinionated in good ways. hahahaha
Sometimes you just have to take a chance and sometimes you'd be surprised who response.
I always had trouble making girl friends because I was labeled "pretty" so I always felt uncomfortable so I hung with the guys. They were more then happy to have me around. That kinda broke the ice.
You just have to take a chance even if you go into the bathroom and throw up and come back out and try again.

[Thanks2HP]

Originally Posted by historyteach

I too, can deal with speaking in front of large audiences. I'm a teacher, (obviously, ) and have no problem in class, or talking with parents or at conferences, assemblies and other large gatherings. That's because I'm in a 'role.' I'm not 'me' then. I'm the teacher. And I behave as the teacher is supposed to behave. Shalom!

I can also relate. When I was in the military I received orders to Instructor Training School which was the last thing I wanted. It turned out to be a blessing because it helped me to get over my fear of speaking in front of people. I even enjoyed it from time to time. It helped me after I left the military and entered the corporate world. I had no problem making presentations or holding training. Like you though, I felt as if I was performing or in a "role", trying to remember all the things I had learned about eye contact, presence, posture, etc.

[londonvanpelt]

Yes, I think it is shame carried from being raised in a low nurturing family. The only way I can get rid of it is to keep reaching out to safe people and develop healthier communication skills. Healing is also making a big difference.

[Blake'sTyger]

I'm right there with you guys. I've never been in this area of SR before, but I JUST came from my company's Christmas party, and...
Parties...crowds...groups of more than two, unless I know everyone EVERYONE quite well...I have a really hard time. No diagnosis or anything-- I used to deal with going out socially by drinking until I was social...which was shortly followed by drinking until I was loud, yet anti-social...followed by sitting drinking outside the door of the bar, chain smoking and sitting there like some kind of gargoyle.
Even now, when I can talk myself down, I feel severely out of place because I'm not drinking like everyone else...and THAT makes me anxious. Stike up casual conversation? Sure...I can do that...right? That works until I realize that, like the alcoholic that I am, I'm only comfortable talking about myself. I don't want to be the center of attention--quite the opposite, and yet I feel like I HAVE to be the center of the bloody universe. Then I realize what I'm doing, then get akward, and make lame, stabbing attempts at talking to people about themselves.
See? Even now, though I've appreciated all your posts, here I am rambling on about me and my own personal garbage....

[StrongBird]

Originally Posted by Blake'sTyger

I'm right there with you guys. I've never been in this area of SR before, but I JUST came from my company's Christmas party, and...
Parties...crowds...groups of more than two, unless I know everyone EVERYONE quite well...I have a really hard time. No diagnosis or anything-- I used to deal with going out socially by drinking until I was social...which was shortly followed by drinking until I was loud, yet anti-social...followed by sitting drinking outside the door of the bar, chain smoking and sitting there like some kind of gargoyle.
Even now, when I can talk myself down, I feel severely out of place because I'm not drinking like everyone else...and THAT makes me anxious. Stike up casual conversation? Sure...I can do that...right? That works until I realize that, like the alcoholic that I am, I'm only comfortable talking about myself. I don't want to be the center of attention--quite the opposite, and yet I feel like I HAVE to be the center of the bloody universe. Then I realize what I'm doing, then get akward, and make lame, stabbing attempts at talking to people about themselves.
See? Even now, though I've appreciated all your posts, here I am rambling on about me and my own personal garbage....

Wow... I can relate 100%. It's almost spooky seeing myself reflected in another. Thanks for this post.

[Snoug]

lol i spend 99 percent of my life completely alone. Well Aside from going online. I go out and have a bit of fun like once every two weeks.

Personally I don't know if its a phobia or just a hate.

It bugs me that almost everything i see is immature and dumb. I hate that people have destroyed the planet. I hate that people get along even though there almost all the same. Jerks. I hate the fact that the odd person that is actually worth knowing is almost always dating a cheater. I hate the fact that people dumb themselves down to the majorities level just so they can be socially acceptable. I hate the fact that people are predictable to the point where life is like a script.

So do i have social phobia maybe. But its not cause i think people wont like me. Its because I know i wont like people. Or if i do it will only be until i see there true colors.

I barely talk to anyone anymore and the people i do talk to are fake now. Which is more fun then the real deal.

[cinderellawkids]

I can handle giving speeches ect. I dont like being in a crowd. Just shopping this time of year, or Walmart on a Saturday can put me into a full blown panic attack. I dont know why, just that its gotten worse over the years

[cookconfay]

Oh me too, I'm only ok around people I know well and the drive over or anticipating arriving at the get together is horrible. I am in recovery....I only feel half way ok at an AA mtg. Low or non-existent self esteem in the beginning, but now, it's how horrible I feel about myself physically. I've gained a ton of weight and don't want to be seen even at my favorite AA mtgs, is that insane????

[LaDita]

I prefer being around a few close friends if anyone at all. I sometimes have panic attacks in crowds or large busy public places.
But give me a drink (or three) and I'm a social butterfly.

I have a very hard time making small talk with people, or keeping it going and as a result I think I missed out on some potentially good new friends.
Where I live, people are known for being 'passive-aggressive' and 'flaky'; rarely actually following through with calling someone they just met to have dinner/coffee with them.
But not me though...I rarely get to the point of getting their phone number in the first place!
It didn't used to be this way though. I'm not sure exactly why.

I also have a disability that makes people stare at me in public alot, and as a result I have had periods of agoraphobia all my life.
So I guess I've got a lot of social phobia- for sure!

[Freedom1990]

Although I still prefer to be a homebody a good portion of the time, the further I got into my recovery from my addictions, my social phobias definitely started to ease up.

I still prefer small groups of people to large gatherings, but I don't panic like I used to.

[Lucie]

I think I have mild social phobia. I'm good in crowds and big groups but I'm terrified of people judging me and really getting to know *me." I often feel overwhelmed and panicked when I'm with one person. When I meet someone who doesn't make me feel overwhelmed it's so great, because it is hard for me to do that one on one stuff.

[ericsgirl]

i have social anexity

[Trippstar]

I hate being round people I dont know. Takes me awhile too get used to people.
When I was working I was having anxiety attacks at the interview I got the job
The my first day there having massive anxiety attacks about it, but I cracked on with it all and it got better I got to know people. Best way to deal with anxiety is face it full on even if you are gonna have an anxiety attack, just keepp doing it over and over and over and you will get slowly better. drink and drugs are only gona make 100x worse. You have to face life sober or die basically well for me anyway, cant let social phobia control ya. Otherwise you will have no life and you be back to the drink smack and everything again too make yourself feel for sociable. Bless everyone face it head on dont hide behind drink and drugs or things will be bad. Been there done that.

[JenT1968]

yep I do,
isn't it interesting how it manifests differently for people here on this thread?

I would rather poke my eyes out with a rusty nail than stand up and talk, to a group of 2, 20 or 200. I've done it, but I've been sick before and after, and I just don't put myself in that position anymore.

I am usually fine the FIRST time I meet anyone, as long as its not a lengthy meeting, as I overcompensate for my shyness by acting a friendly, outgoing role. But I can spend days and weeks, sometimes even years later, paralysed in a painful, scared, agonising trance, ruminating over and over what I said, whether a look was directed at me, what did it mean, what did I do wrong, and recruiting elaborate evidences to support my scenario that A) I am bad/boring/worthless/useless and B) everyone else is good/interesting/worthy/useful etc, and they know about how awful I am but are too lovely to tell me to go away to my face.

I am usually ok in even very crowded situations, with total strangers, but I can't do small talk, and can have panic attacks being with even one person that I know well. I have friends and family that I have known for an enormously long time, that I cannot talk to or be with when I am especially Ill.

I am terrified of being judged, my entire sense of self is derived from my perception of how others see me.

I share your pain, its all pretty hideous. I'm getting councelling, trying to use mindfulness and CBT and have a script for citalopram (for PND) and they mostly help.

(then I ramble on about memeME! and feel bad about that too!)

to everyone on this thread

[jazzz]

Ceridwen, I'm with you all the way. It's hideous and so painful. It's like playing a role to seem normal when all I do is concentrating on and analyzing perception, instead of letting go and just go with the flow. Who cares what anyone thinks right? Well, obviously I do and it's so draining.

It can be worked on tough, but it's hard to get rid off also.

I'm trying to quit alcohol and I'm hoping for an improvement in my social anxiety disorder. I know I'm a likeable guy when sober, but I'm used to letting go in the weekends and just letting out feelings, being overly sociable but sometimes crossing over to blackouts and being extremely anti-social. It's scary and I really need to find myself and getting some sense of selfworth back.

[Koa]

social anxiety sucks, i find myself so lonely on the weekends when I used to go out and drink and have a good time...but now its just me it seems i never had true friends or i lost them all somewhere along in my drinking habits. i am so scared i will never get over this if im just destined to be alone.... i broke up with my bf because he is a bad influence on my drinking and now my isolation seems unbearable


does anyone experienced increased anxiety or almost flashbacks of things you might have done when you were really messed up or blacked out... sometimes in my classes ill talk myself out of approaching someone just because i think they might know of all the stupid things i would do when blacked out....


does anybody share this fear of things done or said that you may not even remember... i hope this all just the early stages of sobriety and those guilt and shame feelings go away... i have never made it more than 4 weeks sober because of wanting to escape these horrible feelings, not to mention be around people and not be anxious

i am so thankful i found this i have felt so alone through this and it is comforting to hear people describe what i am going through better than i can do myself


ps i was thinking AA might be something to try just to get myself interacting with people but i dont have anyone to go with.... are there certain meetings that are better to go to when your new or by yourself.... thanks for any feedback