My least favorite thing about being clean/crazy

[sct]

Since getting clean five months ago, I've started to see a counselor, in addition to working an NA program with a sponsor. I'm also diagnosed ocd, borderline, ptsd, avoidant personality. Needless to say- meetings are not my favorite things yet, but I'm keeping at it, and I do see some progress in learning how to deal with being clean. The irony of course- is that I "dealt" fine when I was using, because if I started thinking or feeling anything- I just used to stop it.

My least favorite thing though-- is how the hell do I explain to friends, or people that want to hang out after meetings etc. that sometimes I'm just not up to interacting with people? I feel like people have a tendency to laugh it off or trivialize the fact that just being in public is a struggle sometimes.

[historyteach]

Perhaps you could simply say that you have committments or responsibilities after the meetings, and that you'd love to make it another time when you're able to.

It's not a lie. You *do* have committments to your mental health, and responsibilities to your well being and yourself. Once you've learned some healthy strategies to deal with social situations, which you should be working with your counselor on, then, you'll be able to make small steps in these areas.

But, you shouldn't push yourself before you're ready. These mental health issues are real, and need to be treated with respect and seriously. You will have time enough when you've got your meds and your treatment plan in place and settled.

I hope this is helpful. Let us know how it goes. We care.

Shalom!

[sct]

That is helpful thank you- I get so frustrated sometimes, mostly with friends and people who mean well but just don't seem to get it. I'm still working on learning the difference between f-you and 'no thank you.'

[SailorKaren]

I think it's always OK to feel anger, just not always the best idea to dump it in the wrong place.
Your fu suggests to me that you feel angry about something, or someone, and going deep inside to discover who and why they deserve that anger might be very enlightening and useful.

I've been studying Myers-Briggs personality types, and I see that I am introverted, meaning that rather than not liking people, being with people or external things takes energy out of my system. Introverts gain energy from being alone and going within. If I'm drained and I have to interact with people, it's a killer. It's my time away from people that recharges me. Extroverts gain energy from being with people and things outside of them, and it is a drain for them to spend time alone.

You may or may not be introverted, but there is no question that we who are struggling with stress issues, have to take extra care to keep ourselves recharged. Like HT says, simply thank them for the offer and explain you do not have the energy right now.

[sct]

I am very introverted- about 45/50 or so (if I remember the scale right- it's been a while). Most likely it is a variety of things about this person setting me off that I need to look at.

[lizw]

I don't know anyone who became a 'social butterfly' straight after sobering/cleaning up. And alot of people never become 'social butterflies'.

What I did was make a couple of good friends and hung out with them. Sometimes it was after meetings and sometimes it wasn't.

Easy does it, I say.

[tommyk]

Just let it happen, don't try to press the issue.

[littlebird77]

I would just say:

"As you may know, I am new to this whole scene and I would like to go home and reflect on what was said at the meeting alone. I need to meditate and search within myself and talk to my God..... Right now I really need to work on myself... but I would love to go out in time, and let you meet the new real me."